To think a text to your children on Christmas Day doesn't really cut it ?

[Newbrummie]

Ex sent them a cheery text thanking them for their gifts and hoping they had a nice day ... At mid day when he got up no doubt.
I immediately ruined his life by phoning him and forcing him to spend 30 mins chatting to them 😁
And have received a mouthful via text for my efforts.

What the younger one wants is not to bother, now that's easier on me but I don't think it's right. I'm under no illusions, if DS lived with ex he probably wouldn't bother with me either he's only interested in who's here now.

The very fact that they didn't have contact for 18 months in total makes me all the more concerned that he should be doing the phone calls on birthdays and Christmas, I find it incomprehensible that you wouldn't, he's a lot of making up to do.

Neither my mum nor dad have contacted me today. They are with their new famil/estranged sibling of mine today

But it's not your responsibility to be concerned, it's his!

XP has just text me, at nearly 6pm to wish our 6year old a happy Christmas. Luckily she doesn't care.

But they've been with him for 10 days, and I still don't talk to them today. And the same when it's his turn. Also the same when they go away on holidays etc. It's easier for the kids to compartmentalise that way. Much easier on them. Less dramatic, granted.

But don't you see that it is for him to do the making up and anything you force on him isn't real?
Besides, he now has regular contact (except when you let your youngest choose when not to go?) so he is already making things up.
You micro managing contact won't improve the situation or his relationship.
Forcing the phone call was wrong. He may have just woken up with a ferocious hangover and was texting a quick hello with plans to phone properly later.
Or he may have been respecting YOUR time with them (OK, he's an arse, that's unlikely)

If you wanted to facilitate contact you could have texted "I think X would like it if you called today - after 17:00 is best"

BusyBeez99 - that's crap, I'm sorry, I hope you've had a nice day
Highway - I know there's worst out there, I do but 500 wrongs don't make it right.
Spaniel - I know but he doesn't hence I kick his Arse, it's not causing drama it's kicking his Arse and showing him up for the twat he is, well of course we know he will have gone back into the house and announced HE called his children like the super dad he is, I don't care the kids got the call so the end result is the same whatever the method.

I don't know all the backstory...But clearly one.

All I can say is you can only be the best parent you can be..

You cannot change who he is...If he doesn't want to ring his DC on Christmas...It will just be normal to them. They will reach a point where they will figure out for themselves. how each of you have parented.

If he isn't been a great dad you really have to let him not be a great dad...He certainly isn't going improve his parenting because you tell him to..

Do learn to focus on what you do as a parent..

SovietKitsch Well that's not how we do it, the kids have never been on holiday with him and I have never gone ten days without speaking to them. Ever.

But if he doesn't, then he doesn't! It is NOT your responsibility/job to chase him up, kick his arse or force him into doing anything. Nor is it your role to show him up as a twat. You are far too invested in him!

You sound obsessed OP, and that's disregarding the comments about the numerous previous threads you've started.

It's absolutely none of your business. If you had anything about you that was in the children's interests you'd stop needling your ex and try to peacefully co-exist and co-parent. It's your year to have the children, you've said so in an earlier post. Why are you not spending the time with them instead of repeatedly coming back to the thread?

I really don't understand what you're getting from this latest thing except some drama for yourself because you obviously like it. All you're doing is potentially harming your ex's relationship with his children. Poor kids is all I can say because both parents seem absolutely toxic and self-absorbed and selfish.

I'm invested in the kids having a dad because he's got form of fucking off completely. And then lying about it, so I like to give him every single opportunity to suceed, if he still fucks it up then there can be no doubt can there ?

You asked for opinions on whether you were being unreasonable. I think we are. You don't agree, fine, but why bother starting the thread if you won't take on board what people are saying?

My contribution is that in my experience it can be easier for kids not to speak to the other parent when separated - you said yourself your younger one would prefer not to. But take it or leave it.

Lying I'm sat watching tv with the kids posting - why are you here not with your kids ?

Darn it! we you!

You have delusions of importance OP. You are no longer important to your ex so why you think he will listen to you, I don't know. All you are doing is irritating him. You both need your arses kicking and maybe officially.

The kids have a dad, what type of dad is up to him, not you.

I agree with Ellisandra. If you make him behave a certain way, it's all fake anyway. It's for him to make the effort.
I get it. I really do. My DCs haven't heard from their dad today and haven't had any presents from him - they'll do it all when they go there next weekend, but you are allowing your own feelings about him ruin your time with your children.
I don't think my kids are upset at it being that way. That's just how they do things with Dad. They'd be upset at us arguing though, or me being upset at Christmas.
Don't give him a second thought. He's your ex for a reason. Don't let him ruin your time.

And quite the opposite LyingWitchInTheWardrobe because they got to speak to him when they otherwise wouldn't have so if anything it's helping their relationship whether he wants it or not.

Well I've posted three times on this thread. How many for you?

My kids are in the bath supervised by their dad. I won't be texting him to see how he's doing either.

I don't need to be important to him LyingWitchInTheWardrobe, I wasn't when we were married so why would he start now, but he is not fucking my kids off again whilst there's anything I can do about it

This post has made me feel really poop. It is my exh turn to host Xmas this year. I have spoken with the children via txt today. They were happy, I was happy, but now apparently I'm a terrible parent :(

Clearly you're unhappy with your ex and therefore everything he does will annoy you.

But I'm a great parent, I love my kids above all else in the world, and txt is a perfect, non intrusive method of communication with children on this busy and emotional day. I don't want to spoil their day by getting sad, but I do want them to know I am thinking about them. Maybe your ex thought like that too.

My kids love cash and vouchers above all else, as it allows them to make choices. Most kids love choosing, just show them a catalogue or web page and watch them glow :). Maybe your ex gets that too.

Sorry he hurt you by leaving, but if he wants to be part of his children's lives you need to encourage and enable this, even if it's hard.

Judge me all you want, but in this particular circumstance I think you are wrong to take umbridge.

I'm sure that you need to tell yourself that OP. You're doing your children no favours at all and this isn't about them, it's about him, that's crystal clear. I hope the reality doesn't bite you later on. Sad situation.

Golden, it's all context isn't it. If you know your children like texts and boy hires then that's fine. Mine just sort of looked at the money and then left it on the floor, hasn't got a clue what he's meant to do with it.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe It's totally about them, if it wasn't I wouldn't bother at all. He didn't give them a backward glance.