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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a text to your children on Christmas Day doesn't really cut it ?

122 replies

Newbrummie · 25/12/2016 12:54

Ex sent them a cheery text thanking them for their gifts and hoping they had a nice day ... At mid day when he got up no doubt.
I immediately ruined his life by phoning him and forcing him to spend 30 mins chatting to them 😁
And have received a mouthful via text for my efforts.

OP posts:
crashdoll · 25/12/2016 16:50

YANBU, your ex sounds like a dick but you don't need to try and out dick him either.

Ellisandra · 25/12/2016 17:03

For the love of God woman will you please get counselling in the new year?!

It's mere weeks since you were posting that he had practically stolen 2 of them.

I love my daughter. But I don't phone her when she is with her father. Is it compartmentalisation? Yes I suppose it is - but it is deliberate. We don't want her to be constantly having to think about the other parent. If she wants to phone, she phones.

I agree that money in a card for a small child is lazy and shit. It's not controlling though. You stick it in his bank account, end of.

You are wrong for forcing the phone call. And it's just crazy in the backstory context of previous posts that he was keeping some of your kids. Hardly uninvolved.

He's a COCK - he really is, not seeing them for all that time in Australia.

But... you seem utterly addicted to the drama.

Original poster
Newbrummie · 25/12/2016 17:07

Ellisandra - I do not need counselling for being annoyed ... I probably need to block Mumsnet that I do acknowledge, as I've said for the millionth time there was NO drama.

OP posts:
Original poster
Newbrummie · 25/12/2016 17:08

And I don't phone them when they are with him ... But it's Christmas Day

OP posts:
awayinamazda · 25/12/2016 17:10

Please accept that he's far from perfect, u won't change him by being angry or forcing him to talk to his kids (and u risk them being upset if they realise ur forcing that, when they probably wouldn't have noticed him not calling if u didn't make it an issue).
Try to have a nice day, completely with ur kids, put the anger and moaning V to one side. If there are issues with him not paying to support them, deal with it thru the right channels after Xmas.

MillyDLA · 25/12/2016 17:11

And enjoys the drama through posting on here and doesn't listen to any advice. You really do need to focus on your children and get some help which you will accept. Poor kids.

pipsqueak25 · 25/12/2016 17:15

new tbh although you name change you are pretty notable for a little bit of drama, others see it, but you take offence when it is mentioned Hmm

Original poster
Newbrummie · 25/12/2016 17:15

Oh do fuck off Milly, the children are busy playing ... Poor poor kids with their presents.

OP posts:
Ellisandra · 25/12/2016 17:16

You need - IMO - counselling for being unable to resist the urge to phone him and try to force and micromanage his contact.

The older 3 have phones and can contact him.

The younger one - well, this is the same one you weren't going to make go on his regular contact because he was having too much fun playing at being an only child when his sisters were with their / his dad.

So regular contact is optional but a phone call has to be forced by you?

My child is only a few years older than your son. At 6, she loved Xmas but had none of the family/social obligation stuff that gets layered onto their expectations later - she wouldn't have cared about calling "because it was Xmas Day".

If your son had ASKED to phone, then you could have texted his dad and told him that.

There was drama. There was your XH kicking off back at you.

And that's the drama you need to let go in 2017, for your own sake.

Original poster
Newbrummie · 25/12/2016 17:16

Pipsqueak I name change when I forget the log in details ... New accounts, not in fact names hth

OP posts:
Original poster
Newbrummie · 25/12/2016 17:18

Ellisandra - he can kick off all he likes, I didn't react or respond, I have learnt that the hard way.

OP posts:
Ellisandra · 25/12/2016 17:18

And you know what?
Even though he's an ocean going cock...
If he chooses to get up at midday on a child free holiday weekend - that's none of your damn business to bitch about!!!
I am child free tomorrow and don't wish to see the dawn side of 10:00am Grin

cherrycrumblecustard · 25/12/2016 17:18

New

You know presents are a tiny part of a child's happiness.

A child can live quite happily with very few toys, no gadgets and basic clothing. (A child, anyway. Not sure about teenagers!)

But they need a stable adult. Someone who has got their back 100%. Someone who doesn't, as someone has said, create drama for the sake of it.

MillyDLA · 25/12/2016 17:19

Now I can see why your ex is your ex, what an attitude. Happy Christmas day to you and yours! Not even on Christmas Day can you let it go.

GingerHollyandIvy · 25/12/2016 17:20

The bottom line here is that you cannot change him or the way he behaves. only he can do that. You can, however, change how you react to him. Move past the aggravation and just try not to let it wind you up. Can't you see that you're allowing it to bother you and aggravate you while he is not giving it a second thought? Why give him that much power over you?

Confuzzlediddled · 25/12/2016 17:26

Is your ex my ex? Except thier gift was a 15 quid wh Smith card - which is an improvement on the argos card he usually sends them, after all any 13 year old wants to buy household things from Argos...

I will say though at 13 mine see him for exactly what he is, lazy. He texts them about once every 3 months and to be honest the text this year is an improvement on the one sent on the 27th last year. I have always done everything I can to maintain the relationship, they have seen that and know that any fault is on his side...

Original poster
Newbrummie · 25/12/2016 17:31

GingerHollyandIvy - I know hence I don't get upset in real life. You are right.
Con fuzz - just seems little consolation though tbh, it's just disappointing you know.

OP posts:
JOEYDOESNTSHAREFOOD · 25/12/2016 17:33

Are you the poster that went to school to stage a sit in because you couldn't see the children you'd said you didn't want anymore. Or something equally as ridiculous?

SovietKitsch · 25/12/2016 17:34

Sorry YABU. I have been without my kids today, as I have been every other year for the last decade. We don't talk on Christmas Day when they're not with me and vice Versa don't speak to their DF when with me, they just find it too upsetting. They then do Christmas Day again on Boxing Day with the other parent. It's worked very well for us. We now do texts now that they have their own phones, but that is all.

Original poster
Newbrummie · 25/12/2016 17:35

SovietKitsch / which is a bit different from if you aren't seeing them from the 17/12 to 2/01 no ?

OP posts:
VimFuego101 · 25/12/2016 17:43

TBH we don't really speak to DSD on xmas day when she's with her mother either, she's 16 and still gets upset about not seeing DS open his presents. I'd rather she enjoyed her day with her mum than be upset she's not here, we do another mini xmas when she gets here. I think lots of separated families are the same.

Original poster
Newbrummie · 25/12/2016 17:45

VimFuego101 - again you have a little one for her to miss and you're doing it all again quite soon ? He's not.

OP posts:
OopsDearyMe · 25/12/2016 17:47

At least they got that mine got nowt from their dad.

Original poster
Newbrummie · 25/12/2016 17:49

OopsDearyMe - that is utterly shit, I'm sorry to hear that

OP posts:
Ellisandra · 25/12/2016 17:50

2 weeks is no time at all when they have a history of not seeing him for months - over a year, was it?

If they want the contact, then able that. Otherwise - leave it alone.

My daughter is going through a stage of calling me at bedtime. But in the summer a 2 week holiday away from me and she didn't twice about. 5 swimming pools and a disco every night... Grin

Let the older ones manage their own texting. And for the younger one, do what he wants - not what you think his dad ought to do.