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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a text to your children on Christmas Day doesn't really cut it ?

122 replies

Newbrummie · 25/12/2016 12:54

Ex sent them a cheery text thanking them for their gifts and hoping they had a nice day ... At mid day when he got up no doubt.
I immediately ruined his life by phoning him and forcing him to spend 30 mins chatting to them 😁
And have received a mouthful via text for my efforts.

OP posts:
GingerHollyandIvy · 25/12/2016 14:07

Look, you have two options here. You can make yourself and everyone around you miserable or you can try to just meet him halfway and make an effort. Yes sometimes it bites, but that's life and that's what you do when you have children.

My ex was abusive and the first two years we were separated it was extremely difficult to deal with him. Now we both are able to put it behind us and do what is best for the children. We are able to have civil conversations and even take the dcs on an outing together and get along. I've found that I can dismiss the occasional annoyance much easier because I don't have that ongoing irritation with him to begin with. Mentally, he's not my ex, he is simply their father.

Perhaps you can look at choosing battles or better yet, consider being a bit more cooperative. That doesn't mean let him walk all over you if he is being disagreeable but it does mean making compromises to benefit the dcs.

Life is too short to spend it in battle mode all the time. It also sets a good example for the dcs about conflict resolution and getting along.

Just a thought.

Original poster
Newbrummie · 25/12/2016 14:10

I did make an effort. I phoned and handed it to the kids.
If it was all about me is have let him off the hook and moaned, but no I'm not having it anymore because it doesn't affect him and it does affect them

OP posts:
Original poster
Newbrummie · 25/12/2016 14:12

And sorry, I do have to say, every argument we've had over the past 3 years have been about me trying to make him
See or see more of them. The stories you hear about mothers preventing father's having a relationship with their kids and I get lambasted for literally forcing ex to interact and not be a twat. Really.

OP posts:
creakyknees13 · 25/12/2016 14:14

YorkiesGlasses all I can say is read some of the other posts by the OP who also posts under Pisssssedoff or something similar. They don't make for pleasant reading.

OP, this is all about YOU - you are not helping your children in any way by ringing up their dad and making him talk to them for half an hour. Try, just try to have one Christmas without causing a mass of drama and upset for everyone. Otherwise I can more or less guarantee that in 10-15 years time, your DC will be going nc with you.

GingerHollyandIvy · 25/12/2016 14:16

You didn't have to ring him and force him to chat with the dcs.

You could have texted him privately without dcs knowing and offered him the opportunity to ring them and chat. A simple "if you'd like to ring and chat with the dcs, it's okay with me. They'd probably like that." Then leave it up to him.

There's no need to be confrontational about it and put the dcs in the middle of it by ringing and handing over the phone to them.

Original poster
Newbrummie · 25/12/2016 14:17

Creaky - how do you think it dramatically played out exactly ? I handed the phone to the kids and they had a nice chat with their dad that they wouldn't have otherwise enjoyed. They e had their dinner and are watching a movie. No child is upset, no drama at all.

OP posts:
GingerHollyandIvy · 25/12/2016 14:20

And stop trying to force his hand. That's helping nobody. That's making yourself into a martyr and is useless. It will just make you angry and bitter. Been there, done that.

creakyknees13 · 25/12/2016 14:21

No child is upset, no drama at all

Yet you're on here trying to whip up the dramatics. If it's all fine and everyone is happy, then leave it. Just as you shouldn't be monitoring whether your ex calls his children on their own phones. If I were him, I wouldn't be impressed to hear from you on xmas day either and would see straight through your 'concern for the kids' mask. If the kids have their own phones, tell them to call their dad directly if they want to speak to him. Don't get involved yourself.

Original poster
Newbrummie · 25/12/2016 14:22

GingerHollyandIvy - New Years resolution is to stop bothering. I know. We've lots of lovely stuff planned for 2017 that don't involve him and if there's any that'll be NC it'll be him

OP posts:
Original poster
Newbrummie · 25/12/2016 14:23

I'm mosning on here, just like everyone else who's had a little moment in their day they aren't impressed with. Again blows my mind people (grown adults) can be annoyed their presents were shit and I can't be pissed off my kids are only worthy of a text ?

OP posts:
Original poster
Newbrummie · 25/12/2016 14:24

And he didn't "hear from me" I didn't/wouldn't waste my breath

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 25/12/2016 14:26

He sounds like a deadbeat, not wanting to speak to his children. Can't think why he's your ex!

GingerHollyandIvy · 25/12/2016 14:26

Then put this behind you and stop dwelling on it. It smacks of "I'm a wonderful parent and he's shit," and if you think your kids can't pick up on that attitude, you are deluding yourself.

Believe me, I get the frustration. But it is what it is. If the dcs want him to have a better relationship with them or more frequent contact, just make it known politely to him that it's available and let it be. No point driving yourself mad over it.

Original poster
Newbrummie · 25/12/2016 14:28

I haven't even mentioned the fact that he has paid child support via the Csa for 11 months without fail, except this month ... Anyone believe he didn't get paid before Christmas ... Everyone else I know has, so there's more drama for the new year or do
I just let that go ?

OP posts:
Original poster
Newbrummie · 25/12/2016 14:29

GingerHollyandIvy - I only ever post my frustration on here, believe me, nobody and I mean nobody gets to hear this in real life.

OP posts:
NicknameUsed · 25/12/2016 14:33

"You see I feel the cash thing is controlling"

Oh, FGS, no it isn't. You are just looking to be offended. Many absent fathers jut don't bother with their kids at Christmas. Get over yourself. (Although I agree that your ex sounds like a waste of space).

Original poster
Newbrummie · 25/12/2016 14:34

NicknameUsed - well at we can agree on that

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Lorelei76 · 25/12/2016 14:40

I think what Ginger said.

Keepingupwiththejonesys · 25/12/2016 14:44

My dh texts his son on Christmas day. We have him here boxing day and do all the usual Christmas things with him then. Think its a bit naff of him not to ring them if he's not.seeing them for a while though. DSS (13) is here from boxing day through to new years day this year so I'm sure he won't be to fussed about a phone call today.

MillyDLA · 25/12/2016 15:25

Newbrummie, it is Christmas Day, a time to spend with family and time to enjoy your children....and here you are on mumsnet whipping up yet another storm. Too many dramatics, too much time thinking about yourself. Go and have fun.

Original poster
Newbrummie · 25/12/2016 15:33

Milly I'm being made over into a kardashian st the moment by a daughter. It's amazing I know but I can mn at the same time 😳

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Original poster
Newbrummie · 25/12/2016 15:38

And things only get whipped into a storm by smart arsed shitty comments. I don't think anyone could really say a text to a little boy is adequate in all honesty.

OP posts:
gobbynorthernbird · 25/12/2016 15:57

Grow up, FFS

Original poster
Newbrummie · 25/12/2016 16:03

I was just thinking that at the last 10
Threads I've read but I'm not rude enough to say so. Merry Christmas Gobby

OP posts:
BoneyBackJefferson · 25/12/2016 16:20

what cherrycrumblecustard said