about behaviour of guests' toddler in my house

[IceMap]

Family members staying with us for few days. Their toddler is 3.5.

Guestroom is downstairs with it's own bathroom. No need for guests to go upstairs as it's just our bedroom, DD's bedroom (17months) our bathroom and office (full of private papers, delicate electronics etc). Toddler keeps going upstairs. His mum has said 3x now 'it's ok if he goes upstairs isn't it, it's all child-safe up there?' Each time I've replied politely 'not really' and explain about office so his mum accompanied him and let him gave a good rummage He also keeps going in DD's bedroom, throwing her toys around, then ran into my bedroom and clambered on bed!
We have a large lounge downstairs with lots of toys. I don't want him upstairs in the bedrooms/office. AIBU?

Also he snatches toys from DD, has knocked her over a few times and plays roughly.

What can I do??

Is there a gate to stop him going up?

Send them home.

You will have to be more direct. The mum obviously didn't get the message. Just say "please don't let him go upstairs". The mum obviously thought you meant it was OK for him to go up if she went with him. Be clear that you don't want him to go upstairs at all.

Tell her straight then, 'not really' isn't 'no' just say no they need to stay downstairs it's not rocket science

Just tell them not to take him upstairs. It sounds like you will have to be very clear.

Be forceful, tell her clearly that nobody is allowed upstairs. Keep repeating yourself.

You need a stairgate up to enforce it.

Not really can mean kind of

Tel her directly you don't want him upstairs

Bring down some toys for him to play with

Direct to nearest park so he can be taken for a run. They really are like divs at this age and need exercising at least twice a day

And seriously who does she think she is poking around someone else's house like that? I'm assuming it's a relative.

Like divs 😂😂😂

herbluebiro brilliant autocorrect there. Made my sons tantrums go to the back of my mind lol

YABU about the behaviour of a 3,5yo. Sounds perfectly normal to me. It's not like jumping on a bed is crime of the century.

You would not be unreasonable to be pissed off with his parents for not stopping him doing that stuff though. They are the ones being rude and poor guests.

Just tell her straight that it is your wish that you don't do it and to respect your house! If she does not like it then show her the door. It's not hard to be blunt once you get going.

3.5 yr old behaviour sounds normal. But the mum/dad should direct away from inappropriate areas.

Crikeys! I was never allowed to jump on my own parents bed, let alone a friends or relatives! And I think a 3.5 year old is old enough to understand that he cannot just do whatever he likes! But maybe that is why I've turned out to be a miserable old grump because I was never allowed to 'express myself' as naughty behaviour is now described! Happy Christmas op! You have my sympathy!

Tell the Parents you don't want him going upstairs, there's no need and the office is private.

If he's snatching toys and knocking your dd over on purpose that needs dealing with too, don't tolerate it, say something.

It is interesting you put the crime of clambering onto your bed above that of knocking your dd over.

User jumping on a bed is not "naughty" unless you've been forbidden to do it. You own your own bed now, give it a try to see what you've been missing

3.5 is not a toddler! A 3.5 year old understands boundaries and the word no, although may not like it!

Parents are dicks.

Tell the toddler next time 'no you can't go upstairs'

3.5 is old enough. You can tell him.

Can't you lock the office door?

I think chill about the bed - it's hardly crime of the century. And going into other kids rooms is what kids do. Lock those other rooms as well if you can.

Fwiw the mum is probably desperate to get home as well

My friend just visited with her 3 year old daughter - she also wanted to go upstairs and explore. She asked politely. We went up together and had a look in each room. No bed jumping, poking into things or damage.

I'm pretty glad that the PP who think bed jumping is a normal part of a toddler visit aren't my friends!

No locks or stairgate (DD can't reach door handles yet so haven't needed gate).

Yes I'll be more direct. Just don't want to seem rude as I can't think of a good 'reason' why upstairs is out of bounds. I'm worried he'll break something or discover something embarrassing (like when DD brought a pair of my used knickers into lounge and handed them to my friend!)