about behaviour of guests' toddler in my house

[IceMap]

Family members staying with us for few days. Their toddler is 3.5.

Guestroom is downstairs with it's own bathroom. No need for guests to go upstairs as it's just our bedroom, DD's bedroom (17months) our bathroom and office (full of private papers, delicate electronics etc). Toddler keeps going upstairs. His mum has said 3x now 'it's ok if he goes upstairs isn't it, it's all child-safe up there?' Each time I've replied politely 'not really' and explain about office so his mum accompanied him and let him gave a good rummage He also keeps going in DD's bedroom, throwing her toys around, then ran into my bedroom and clambered on bed!
We have a large lounge downstairs with lots of toys. I don't want him upstairs in the bedrooms/office. AIBU?

Also he snatches toys from DD, has knocked her over a few times and plays roughly.

What can I do??

3.5 is not a toddler. I'd tell the mum and the child upstairs is off limits.

YANBU! So so disrespectful when people won't tell their child to behave in other people's homes!

When BIL and his partner come round with their DD who is nearly 3, I have to shut the door at the bottom of the stairs cos I don't want her going up there, shut the door to the kitchen cos I don't want her messing about opening all the cupboards and draws etc, and every time she goes to touch something I have to grab it off her. Her parents give a pathetic 'oh don't do that' and when she doesn't listen and carries on, don't bother telling her again. She's always messing with everything, jumping over my furniture, and acting like a spoilt brat if me or DP actually tell her no because half the time her parents aren't even watching what she is doing. I don't feel like I should have to put everything off every single surface away when they come round just because they decide they don't want to parent their child. And just because it's my home, it's not my place to tell their child off! I already feel like I follow her round making sure she's not messing with stuff as it is. My house is not toddler proof and doesn't need to be until DS is a toddler!

The other day she was running full pelt from one end of the living room to the other, right at the person holding my 4mo DS and no one bothered to stop her. No one seemed to care she could of tripped and fell and head butted my child!! Just a 'no stop' once or twice but no follow through when she didn't stop.

I can say for certain I will never be allowing my son to act like that in someone else's home!

Is your friend struggling with the behaviour, do you think? He sounds willful and if you have a child like that, you have to be there to understand how hard it is when visiting peoplet. Everyone can say no 1000 x and they still do it. Sounds as if she's given up. Help her out and tell him no yourself. They listen better to strangers

What happens if you don't have locks on doors?
Why should the office door always been locked. Mine isn't. A closed door is just that a
Closed door. Any guest who goes and opens a door with the exception of the toilet will be shown the front door. You have no business going snooping into rooms.
Even if the child is willful you still manage behavior. Doesn't matter if it's a thousand or a million times. You don't just give in and stop saying no or whatever. You don't give in and let other people parent your child.. And yes I know what it's like to have a wild child. One owns me, and during his more turbulent times we have avoided going to certain places.

Some electric fencing would sort it

I don't even count 3.5 as a toddler! We have a 3 yo DS and 17mo twins. No way would I tolerate that kind of behaviour from my 3yo. He can speak and understand. The twins are much harder to control but we still wouldn't let them wander around someone else's house.

Poor 3yo DS, we expect a similar standard of behaviour from him and his sister who is 6. Now I'm thinking we're too hard on him but he is a happy well adjusted little boy so we'all soldier on.

Gosh.. I'm not even old and when I was a kid adult's bedrooms were totally off limits to visitors! You just knew that you never went in there.. I live in a flat now, so you have to go past my room to get to the living room, but I'm still shocked anytime a visiting child tries to open the door..

It's difficult to avoid family, though, or to just leave if you're staying with someone and I think it's OK for family to say something. Sometimes it helps - especially when you are exhausted physically from getting up and following them everywhere and trying to get them not to touch everything.

I've forgotten the amount of times I've gone home or avoided because it's too stressful. I'm not afraid to admit there have been times when I've not felt 100%in control and this is a case in point. I know many people who've said the same. It's really hard at that age when out of your environment because they do push the boundaries especially when excitement and over tiredness and parental stress is thrown into the mix. I don't think this problem is uncommon actually and, looking back, I'd be philosophical while counting down the days and making a mental note to either go to theirs next time or inviting them back when said toddler is older

This kind of thing annoys me!! Kids messing round with things that are not toys, going upstairs and messing with stuff. Please just tell them that everything they need is downstairs, I do that with my family/friends kids, I wish my husband would do the same!! No way would I let my child piss about with other people's belongings!!

How did it go down?