Exh no xmas presents

[mamatiger83]

So just had a message from exh after I had asked what time he would be dropping off kids presents tonight (as is normal for birthdays and xmas) for him to tell me he's been too ill all week to do anything so has nothing for them.
I have plenty here they will not miss out but really frustrating he doesn't seem to care the kids are missing out.
In previous years I've wrapped presents that he hadn't had time for I've even shopped for him. It's not like I wouldn't have helped had he asked :(
Sorry for the rant just feeling annoyed

Agree it's shit but at the end of the day his parenting is his business. If he doesn't want to get presents this year for the kids, then don't cover for him. Maybe he'll learn for next time.

How old are the children?

I agree with Daily.

Yes my reaction would depend on the kids ages. I wouldn't cover for him, I a world of online shopping and click and collect he could of managed it fine

Why would he be dropping them off? Does he not see the kids?

They are 9 and 12, so they are aware that stuff happens, but there were supposed to be gifts to compliment what I have bought and vice versa.

Yes he sees the kids as often as he likes but xmas day is at home with me.

Just explain that dad has been too poorly to buy any Christmas presents and they can ask about it when they next see him.

They are big enough to understand that life sometimes throws up minor obstacles

So why doesn't he give them their Christmas when he sees them? I don't mean this year because obvious he is being a penis, but maybe if he were to do a Christmas Day thing with them when he has them after Christmas it would encourage him to put more effort into it.

I know that you are all right in what you're saying we've just always had this arrangement it's worked for years, we agreed to not do the separate xmas thing so all the presents are there on xmas morning, he has always been welcome on xmas day and often comes on the morning. I understand things happen but it's not as if you get no warning for xmas lol

As you say you have it covered so they won't miss out.

I agree it's strange he drops them off to you anyway, most of the enjoyment of giving gifts is seeing the recipient opening them.

He's had all year (OK realistically months) to buy and left it til the week before Christmas? Nope, I wouldn't be covering for him. If it was that important to him he would have had it all bought by now. If he's like this all the time I can't imagine it'll be much of a surprise to your DC, sadly.

I don't see that it's strange if it's what works. Christmas is about the kids and that's what we agreed.

I really don't want this to sound horrible but your post has come across quite mercenary.

It's really shit he hasn't got any gifts for his kids.

But it does sound like your pissed off that he didn't bring round presents and then fuck off again.

Your not upset he will miss out on his kids xmas morning just pissed that he hasn't had time to drop round gifts.

Maybe it would work better if he had fixed time to see them over xmas? Maybe xmas eve and xmas morning or xmas afternoon and Boxing Day? Then he really has to have gifts waiting for the kids and he will get to see them.

But I am annoyed at that, as I've said he's always welcome to come over as he often does. I have no placed no 'restrictions' on when he sees/has the kids, if he wanted to do another xmas day I would be fine with that it was his choice. We have a very amicable relationship however my issue is that it is the kids missing out.

Mercenary?

Not a bit.

He's clearly somewhat crap, but despite that is welcome to go there for Christmas. He's choosing not to. He chose not to buy them on line. He chose not to ask mama for help. He didn't even bother to ring her to tell her.

Stop blaming her FFS

You have more patience than me if you're maintaining an amicable relationship with him after this 😬

Was he supposed to be buying anything that now it won't be there will spoil the enjoyment of something you have bought? (Say you bought an x box and he was supposed to buy the games). Or is it more like you have bought the Xbox and some games, but he was meant to be buying more games?

Will he get them presents when he can be arsed is better?

Thanks @keptonraining

I think it's very lame of him and I can understand why he's your ex 🙄

I'm surprised he didn't contact you earlier and tell you rather than leave it till the last minute.

Things do happen. But good communication helps. It doesn't sound like he thought of the children.

Things like this make you wonder why you ever married them in the first place! It's shit whatever anyone says and I'd be leaving it for him to explain.

So he never has them for christmas?

He's "welcome to come to yours", but why is it all on your terms at your house? Or do christmas "another day".

You say you're placing no restrictions, but you are placing a fairly major one, that the 25 th is done your way, with you, at your house.

Why can he not have the christmas eve/morning every other year?

Yes I'm sure he will, normally there is no problem we have been divorced 7 years so plenty of time to learn to work with each other and our arrangement usually works well. I'd never call us friends but we do our best for the sake of the kids. I don't want them to see us fight or be unpleasant about one another and that's what we do.
This just is frustrating, if we were at each other's throats and didn't make allowances for each other (work etc) I could understand why there could be a communication problem. Just seems to me he's given it no thought or effort and that's wrong

Why can he not have the christmas eve/morning every other year

Sometimes the restrictions don't come from the parents but from the children and what they like.

The kids being home for Christmas is now their choice and has been for a few years, before that I just couldn't bear to not have them. Rightly or wrongly I'd have stayed in bed and cried if they weren't home, exh has always been fine with this.