Exh no xmas presents

[mamatiger83]

So just had a message from exh after I had asked what time he would be dropping off kids presents tonight (as is normal for birthdays and xmas) for him to tell me he's been too ill all week to do anything so has nothing for them.
I have plenty here they will not miss out but really frustrating he doesn't seem to care the kids are missing out.
In previous years I've wrapped presents that he hadn't had time for I've even shopped for him. It's not like I wouldn't have helped had he asked :(
Sorry for the rant just feeling annoyed

op

You don't need to defend what happens. It's just a bit sad that he couldn't tell you earlier about the fact he was ill.

Do you think he will be seeing them over the holidays?

he couldnt have ordred online its quite easy

anyway let the kids ask him dont cover for hbim

Yanbu

Some posters jeez. Its always the womans fault.

Yes he will definitely see them over the holidays, hopefully he will have pulled his finger out by then and can just pretend he planned a 2nd xmas day for them

My ex hardly ever gets xmas or birthday presents...
Usually it's a promise that doesn't materialise.

It's annoying when you're the one putting all effort/money in and they can't contribute even slightly.

The worst thing is my son still won't see anything wrong with it. However if
It was me that didn't bother, all hell would break loose.

Imagine if the OP was on here saying that she wasn't doing Christmas this year as she just hadn't found the time to go shopping... I'm sure the responses wouldn't be in her favour

I don't see anything strange in your arrangement, I have had the same arrangement since I split with DCs father. He does not get enjoyment from giving gifts, its a chore for him. He isn't interested in them in general tbh its still a mystery to me why he turns up to contact at all.

Anyways, I think your children are old enough for them to ask him where there presents are and he can deal with the explanations.
Did you say what he was getting is part of a set that you have already got part of?
If so I would never do that, it always ends in tears. Its that old thing of. ' If you want something done properly...

Oh and ignore the comments about Christmas Day, Not everyone sees this one day as the be all and end all. Men in particular are less sentimental as women and are just as happy to have boxing day.

Not at all mercenary take no notice op. ex Hubba could have ordered from ebay amazon etcetc online couldnt he? I think he is making lame excuses rotten pig!

It's more that I've bought main presents like a console and he was to buy a game (for example), perhaps I should be more careful in future and not suggest it agree to complementing gifts to avoid this situation.
Hopefully they will be so distracted by the fun of tomorrow they won't even notice and if they do I'll just explain dad was poorly and he'll make it up to them. Thanks everyone xx

Or not it.

Men in particular are less sentimental as women and are just as happy to have boxing day.

Really? Huge generalisation there. Sexism strikes even at christmas.

You are not being mercenary. He is being crap. I'd be livid.

I don't think there is anything odd about you having them at Christmas vs them going to their dad's, who can't even manage to organise Christmas presents (does that sound like someone sentimental about Christmas?).

I wouldn't tell the kids he will make it up to them, that will hold you accountable too. You could either let them know tonight, as gently as possible, telling them only the truth and what you know. Or you could leave it until morning and answer if and when they ask. I'd probably go for wait to see if they ask.

I am not sure why contact is even been discussed..OP has said there is no issue with contact with either parent...

Ex said he would buy kids certain presents..Didn't , Didn't even inform you so you could make any decision what to do anything with the information..

YANBU to be pissed off.

Reallyanother - u seem to think the exh is somehow being deprived of having the kids - many dads simply don't particularly want their kids do Xmas day ever. My kids dad has never had them, tho I've asked if he wanted to, he wants his Xmas with his new partner and has them a few days later. It doesn't upset them as it's just how it's always been. (He's also dropped them off for their birthday parties, and rushed off rather than ever stay although I always invited him - again, other mums were shocked, but the kids didn't think anything of it, so not worth trying to persuade him to stay).

It's unfair to assume the OP is somehow calling all the shots and stopping the ex having his kids - some dads are just not that keen, and kids are prob better off with a DM who wants them Xmas day, than sent to a dad who isn't keen.

Thanks ladies, I'm fairly new here so was a little unsure about posting, I understand how to some our arrangement could seem odd but that's the 'joy' of divorce or blended families it's not one size fits all and everybody has a differing opinion.
I've just sent the kids to bed full of hot chocolate and with an empty stocking (I'll swap it for the filled one later) and I'm going to watch a film and have some wine with DH. Hope everyone has a brilliant day tomorrow xxxx

I don't know enough about the circumstances to say whether the arrangement is down to the ex, op, or the kids.

Which is why i asked, as reading the o/p it seems like it's all on her terms, I'm not assuming anything.

Others are, saying all men aren't bothered about christmas, and assuming it's the ex doesn't want them.

Every situation is different.