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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or am I being paranoid? Kind of embarrassingly laughable

30 replies

Evennumberonthevolume · 23/12/2016 20:02

Met a guy through old. Had a great first date and we've arranged a second one for after Christmas.

He's put a snapchat up tonight of a dashboard in a car with pink Yankee air fresheners.

I've been cheated on before so I get weary and obviously this man isn't my boyfriend so he can't cheat.

I just don't want to fall for someone who's potentially already seeing someone else.

(Btw I haven't text him to ask who's car it is because I know I'd look like a psycho Xmas Wink )

OP posts:
cardibach · 23/12/2016 20:04

Sorry, no idea what you are asking.

Scooby20 · 23/12/2016 20:06

So you are stressing that a guy who you have been date with is cheating (while admitting he can't actually cheat) because of an air freshener?

Really?

Original poster
Evennumberonthevolume · 23/12/2016 20:09

I think it's just an obvious sign that he's out with a woman

OP posts:
ems137 · 23/12/2016 20:09

Oh it's so hard not to be paranoid when you've been cheated on before. You end up looking for signals that you missed in the previous relationship. You have to learn to trust again though or you'll never find happiness x

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 23/12/2016 20:09

Why can't the car be his? Confused

Lilaclily · 23/12/2016 20:11

I think you're over thinking

Candlestickchick · 23/12/2016 20:11

In the nicest possible way, because it is understandable given you've been cheated on, I think you are being a little paranoid. It's possible he has a girlfriend but equally possible given the time of year that he is with family and it's his sister or mum's car, or even a friend. Especially if hes got you on snapchat and sent it via there - not being secretive about it.

Scooby20 · 23/12/2016 20:13

Not really. It could be his or a male friends car that happened to quote like the smell of the pink air freshener.

Or if you insist on believing it's a woman it could be his sister, plantonic friend, mum, sil etc.

If a pink air freshener is upsetting you, perhaps you aren't quite ready for dating yet. Being cheated on takes some getting over and sometimes takes sometime.

Olives106 · 23/12/2016 20:13

I couldn't work out what was worrying you at first - my initial thought was that you were worried he was gay!

Original poster
Evennumberonthevolume · 23/12/2016 20:15

Thank you, definitely not his car as he posted a photo of it as well.

He's very tall and he was making a joke about how he'll fit in a mini

OP posts:
Rixera · 23/12/2016 20:17

Not being mean, but I think you could do with a little bit of counselling.
My OH worries about similar things having been cheated on and it gets to the point where I consider leaving if he doesn't get better because it's so exhausting to censor myself at every turn. I had a cup of tea and a cup of coffee over the course of a day, and because I had used two mugs he thought I was cheating on him.
I change the sheets, like I do every week, and some weeks it'll be fine, some he'll think I'm cheating on him.
I put the phone in a high up place to stop the toddler getting it, and he assumes I'm hiding it, therefore I'm cheating on him.

If it weren't for counselling I would have been gone. It's exhausting.

Bluntness100 · 23/12/2016 20:17

Whose car was it? Would you rather he had no female friends, no sisters and was now exclusive? If the answer to that is no, then you're being silly.

Original poster
Evennumberonthevolume · 23/12/2016 20:22

No I definitely don't mind him having friends (whatever sex).

I'm just worried I'll fall for someone who might be dating multiple women. I do understand the point that you made though Rixera.

OP posts:
Rainydayspending · 23/12/2016 20:27

Here's an idea. Just ask him if he's seeing anyone. Just a "are we on the same page?"

neveradullmoment99 · 23/12/2016 20:32

well i guess you cant tell. It could be his sisters car. It could be a friends car. It could be someone in his family. I appreciate it is hard to trust but you are going to have to otherwise this relationship will be a non starter. Just go out with him and take it from there.

happychristmasbum · 23/12/2016 20:33

OP this is really odd behaviour.

This is a man you have had one date with and you are talking about "falling for him" and obsessing about whether he is dating other women.

After one date, it is entirely possible he is dating others. Do you usually throw yourself headlong into things so quickly?

It sounds as if you have been hurt and are keen to wash that away by having a successful relationship, and I do sympathise, I really do.

My advice to you is to slow your roll.

Take it slowly. Date him, date others. See men as potential friends rather than "men I might fall for" and see how things develop?

eurochick · 23/12/2016 20:40

You've had one date with him! He probably is seeing other people. You need to chill a bit.

Serialweightwatcher · 23/12/2016 20:40

Apart from this maybe being a woman's car, I would have thought if your first date was good, he'd make an arrangement to see you over Christmas not after - don't know, it's tricky - maybe just see how it goes

AnnieAnoniMouse · 23/12/2016 20:41

Why not ask him whose the mini is that he's worried he won't fit into?!

DonutParade · 23/12/2016 20:49

Wow you're over invested after one date. Chill out.

Scooby20 · 23/12/2016 20:53

I agree yiu are over thinking this. It's possible he could be dating other people. You have had one date. Even if he is dating someone else (in which case while would he share a photo of their car) he isn't doing anything wrong.

Again it could be just a friends car. Of either sex.

YouJustWouldntLetItLieWouldYa · 23/12/2016 20:54

Blimey, better bin the pink, yankee candle I bought as my, candle loving, male friends Christmas pressie then !!

Original poster
Evennumberonthevolume · 23/12/2016 20:57

Apart from this maybe being a woman's car, I would have thought if your first date was good, he'd make an arrangement to see you over Christmas not after - don't know, it's tricky - maybe just see how it goes

I've been away the whole week visiting family. We're spending Christmas Eve and day with our families

OP posts:
TheGruffaloMother · 23/12/2016 21:02

I think you need to stay single for a bit to be honest.

You've met him once and are already invested enough that you're thinking the worst having seen the wrong colour air freshener. Surely you see how bad that looks?

Don't inflict yourself on anyone yet. In the kindest possible way, you're not ready.

MammaTJ · 23/12/2016 21:07

At this point, even if he is dating multiple women, you really shouldn't care.

Fine, things seem hopeful, you get excited, but you have only had one date and arranged another for after Christmas.

Chill your boots! Grin