To think this is unbelievably tight for a wedding?

[StingyWedding]

Recently attending a wedding of a friend. Amongst various other issues on the day I just felt it was a very poor and stingy wedding, at the reception they had a "hot chocolate bar" - they were charging for this (and tea, and coffee....)

Photo attached which they have proudly displayed on their Facebook.

Am I wrong to think of you invite people to a wedding you actually host and therefore provide for your guests? Not expecting a free bar but some table wine and soft drinks surely?

So being a guest at a wedding is the same as buying a coffee at Starbucks?Okey dokey!
OK, you go on spectacularly missing the point. The point being that even with this comment you are just showing that it is all about that drinks should be free at weddings with you.

Feeling better? Or more venting needed?

i actually sort of agree with the op, while i would not expect an open bar unless you are an extremely wealthy celeb brad pitt/cheryl cole millionaire type wedding, the standard is a few drinks for the guests-doesn't even have to be alcohol. To charge for tea/coffee seems completely absurd.

I wouldn't say you are being unreasonable. I've always thought if you are inviting people to any sort of gathering, you make sure food and drinks are provided. At our wedding we didn't want a meal, so had a buffet instead, and put money behind the bar to cover drinks.

£2.50 for a cup of tea?
Don't pay that even in London.
Given the choice between a cup of tea or something alcoholic? Alcohol would win.
But not the chocolate with baileys.. £5 for that.
Ok businesses need to make a profit. But there's profit and taking the piss.

I think the clue is in the word 'guest'. People are guests at your wedding, not customers.

At least you can help yourself to the selection of toppings.

Milk and sugar sound so much more exciting when referred to as toppings.

Hmm tricky, they may not have any money?

If you're that poor/tight then have a reception in a local hall approx £40 to rent for half day spend £100 on food from Lidl/aldi/Iceland and give your guests food and soft drinks. I'd rather attend this type of reception than the OPs mates.
Honestly would you charge for your dcs parties? Hey come and get your party bags only £2.50 a throw! It really is a real low.

I've been to weddings in some really poor countries where the hosts have very little but never in a million years would they consider charging wedding guests for food and drink. Stinginess is a horrible trait and meanness in money usually reflect a meanness in other areas of people's personality. If I'd received such an invite id not attend the wedding because the spirit of friendship and generosity is severely lacking.

I have only ever once attended a wedding with a free bar. Free food yes. Free alcohol?. I would never expect that.

At my own wedding we had tea and coffee provided with the meal But it never occured to me to cover this cost from the bar until this thread! I will ensure soft drinks are paid for next time . But i still eould never provide a free bar because people are pissheads

I wonder, do this couple charge their friends for their tea when they pop round to visit? Or charge the builder, or plumber, if they offer him a cup of tea? If hiring a venue and having a wedding was such a stretch for them that they needed to charge guests £2.50 for a cup of tea or for what sounds like instant coffee, then a quiet wedding followed by subsequent meet ups with friends to celebrate might have been better. Or hire a church hall and provide the food, drink and music themselves. Sandwiches, drinks and a disco don't exactly cost that much, but can still be fun without people thinking they are paying for someone else's party.

I'm on the fence with this one...we had 2 witnesses at our wedding would of loved the whole shagbang but we couldn't afford.so cut our cloth according to our means...so 2 witnesses and the dc..was a lovely day..but missed friends and family being there.....maybe this couple explained they couldn't afford food and guests said they were happy to pay ,just so they could go...you just don't know really....plus it's no ones business really either..

I'm clearly extremely old fashioned but think you shouldn't invite people to celebrate your marriage if you are not going to give them something to eat and drink in return.

I don't think this thread is "mean" at all, op. So many over-sensitive souls on Mumsnet these days.

I agree. I think this thread is hitting a little to close to home for some posters.

We didn't have a paid for bar at our wedding and I don't think many people expect one. We could afford the wedding comfortably, and to pay for a day meal and buffet and arrival and toast drinks for the guests, and tea/coffee afterwards. But to charge for a cup of tea/hot chocolate is very bad form IMO.

As was (IMO) the massive ice cream van at a wedding we went to this summer. It was brought right into the venue and parked, played the wedding jingle loudly, all decorated and the server was in a tux so they made a big thing of that it was part of the wedding...it looked amazing and was a really nice novelty. So of course everyone queued up...and then was asked for £3 at the front. You can't really say no when you reach the front but thought it was very poor form.

We had a huge stately home affair booked. Then our finances took a major hit (we are moving and both need new cars which are currently dying) so we decided to elope. Families NOT happy with that. So we are going to a place special to us, they will have to drive an hour, registry office, town hall, I'm budgeting £500 for food and £200 for drinks (there will be tea) and having an afternoon tea. No evening reception as OH doesn't want one. Then we will go off with photographer to special place for photos and meet folk who want to stay in the pub. That's the plan. Or we may still elope and upset everyone. I couldn't happily ask people to drive and make effort to see us and not make sure they at least had a load of sandwiches and cake. I don't want presents either.
I am more than happy with a cash bar, I think £2.50 is a bit steep for tea and coffee, but I'd happily pay it for wine. I would want food though!

I don't mind (and expect to) paying for alcohol at weddings but would expect the tea/coffee to be free. It seems as if the bride & groom are trying to make a profit from getting married. Grabby feckers.

OP have they started a Gofundme account yet?

To be honest, I expect nothing at a wedding and think that everyone has different budgets. Just the fact that I'm there, would show that I like the person and I would respect their budget and choices. I was in the fortunate position 25 years ago for my mum and dad to pay for a big white wedding with a free bar. Not everyone is in that fortunate position, as my children wouldn't be now.

I'd always expect to pay for my drinks at a wedding; even hot and soft drinks, I don't get how some people can seperate off drinks and deem that some should be free and others shouldn't.

If it's the venue selling hot drinks alongside all their other drinks I don't see the problem, though if they've purposefully got someone in to do hot drinks then it's a bit tight, but like if they got someone in to do a hog roast then charged for it.

I'm having a sweet cart at my wedding, but not charging people for it. The venue we're using sells hot drinks as most venues do, I'm not paying for them, I'm paying for the room and all the food already.

bit*

I'd rather have a paid for non alcholic drink essential than a paid for sweetie bar non essential fad

It's so rude and pretentious to charge your guests. If you can't afford a big wedding, then don't have one. It's the sort of weddings where no money was spared for the photographer, but every else goes on the cheap. It's awfully tacky.

If you invite someone be it to a wedding, birthday etc thennas host you pay. You don't get the guests to do it for you.

If the couple want a house deposit, new furniture, a honeymoon then they need to work and save hard not make profit from others under the guise of a wedding.

This latest trend of getting guests to pay for an exclusive venue by staying over, paying for drinks and extras or crass poems for cash is awful. Marriage is supposed to be about two people coming together for vows not a chance to screw people for money.

I am so surprised that people expect to pay at weddings. I have been invited to a wedding where the bride paid several thousand pounds for her dress... but we had to buy our own drinks.

I honestly think food and drink are to be paid for for your guests and you cut your cloth accordingly! I spent very little on my dress (under £200), had no photographer (I have lovely photos from guests though) but my guests didn't pay for anything all evening.