To wonder what every happened to just being shy?

[drinkingchanelno5]

I notice this everywhere now. Everyone has 'social anxiety' that seems to prevent them living a normal life. Being shy from time to time is normal and happens to everyone at some point! Seems to me that labelling yourself as 'anxious' rather than just shy is somehow reinforcing the issue, and gives you a reason to not try to overcome it because it gives it a medicalised label. They are called social 'skills' for a reason - they are skills that can be learned and need to be practised.

And yes I know some people have genuine anxiety issues, but people seem to reach for the social anxiety label automatically and it really grinds my gears! Or AIBU?

I agree twinkle - the first thing my son's teacher said at parents' evening was "He's very quiet isn't he?" in a slightly patronising tone. I felt like saying "Yes, isn't it wonderful!" I wouldn't want his shyness preventing him from doing anything that he wants to do, but he and I are very happy introverts.

YANBU OP. Everything seems to need labelling these days. Doesn't seem to be any 'naughty' or 'willful' or 'awkward' or 'impatient' children anymore. They must have something that needs labelling. ADHD is MASSIVELY over-diagnosed IMO. I'm sure it exists but is rare.
People like you make life very hard for people like me. In your opinion this, in your opinion that, and then you come and share said opinion on the internet for all of us to nod our heads sagely. Well fuck off to the far side of fuck. I doubt your opinion is a professional one; ergo it's invalid. Completely and utterly, but do bear in mind that every time you spout such crap a parent of a child with an additional need is hurt and questioning their ability as a parent. An adult with an additional need worries about their own diagnosis and is made to feel more off kilter, more unbalanced than before. Is that your aim? To hurt and destabilise those already under pressure? If not, either do some proper, peer reviewed research and then join in the conversation, or shut the fuck up.

Dd's teacher told me she needs to overcome her shyness by going up to some friendly looking girls and starting a conversation. This was after a conversation about how her Aspergers affects her. I just had to rerun the conversation again. But slower.

Me and dd still laugh about it. She jokes about taking some dollies into school and asking if they want to brush their hair at playtime with her.

It's hard to explain if you don't have it. I would prefer not to go to parties etc because I don't enjoy them at all. I'm ok with 1:1 communication, ok with maybe 3 people. But more than that I can't function. It can leave me exhausted for two or three days afterwards. It's mad but that's reality for me. I am going to a party tonight because this is now the third time this person has asked and I feel it would be very rude of me to decline. But I'm frankly dreading it. I won't be thinking of anything else all day, worrying and I probably won't sleep tonight afterwards. Crippling anxiety is awful - it's like a very physical panicky feeling that just won't go away. For me it happens in social situations.

But I think it's very different from being shy actually. Mine probably stems from bad experiences (awful parents/bullying) rather than shyness. I've always been shy but I didn't always have social anxiety if that makes any sense.

ADHD is MASSIVELY over-diagnosed IMO

I wondered how long it would take for someone to have a pop at ADHD.

I agree with other posters that it's probably under diagnosed.

Completely agree with you Twinkle. Some of the world's greatest thinkers have been introverts and yet this appears to be a personality trait that is completely undesirable in modern society.

The first comment at DS parents evening was he is shy and not the loudest in the class. Yes he is and I wouldn't change him for anything.

Thank you to everyone who read my entire OP. I never suggested that anxiety doesn't exist - in fact I said the opposite! It is an interesting discussion though, I have to admit that I am surprised at how many people have appeared on this thread saying they or their loved ones suffer social anxiety. Maybe it is as one PP suggested, and readers here present a skewed representation of society who are more likely to be less social/more reserved.

But anyway, what I was trying to say (maybe not very clearly) is that yes, obviously social anxiety exists, but I feel as soon as people hear a label there can be a tendency to reach for it and apply it to their own issues at the first sign of feeling awkward or shy, rather than trying to deal with them as part of the natural range of emotions.

Obviously many people won't be able to overcome them, but it does worry me that a child who is maybe just shy/reserved will be labelled as socially anxious by adults and will just grow up thinking this is their reality and may never be given the tools to try to feel better in social situations.

I do feel that things have become over pathologised today. When I lost someone close to me, the number of people who suggested I go to the Dr to get anti-depressants very soon afterwards was astounding. Why would I need anti-depressants when grief is a natural emotion! Obviously some people can't cope in these situations so there should be well-supported avenues for them to access help, but not as a knee-jerk reaction to every emotion outside the happy/content end of the spectrum. And I don't think that's a good thing for those with real issues, as many people have pointed out.

Again, sorry for any offence caused, it certainly wasn't my intention!

Can't you see how upsetting that is for people who suffer anxiety. When suffering social anxiety I felt constantly, unremittingly judged by everyone. You are just confirming that this is in fact the case. It leaves me feeling afraid to admit that I have a problem for fear that it isn't enough of a problem and I should just be able to cope.

This.

That's an interesting point about bereavement. Bereavement leave has been in the news this week as there have been calls by mental health charities for better provisions to be made for people who have lost a close family member.

before you have a go, I'm trained to work with people like you
That's great PollyPerky, but I'm not sure how working with people like me (I'm assuming you mean the "self-employed professional types with qualifications, their own house, independent life etc.") really enables you to comment on social anxiety or autism Unless of course you were actually just intending to pat me on the head and speak slowly to me for some misguided reason best known to you??
I'm not actually on medication for my anxiety - social or general - though I have thought about it as it might help my (professionally-diagnosed) OCD and thus enable me to get out and about. But I've not yet tried to get a doctor's appointment as unfortunately the last doctor I saw was condescending and patronising and knew nothing about any sort of mental health issue. Thank god for the decent medical professionals who do know what they're talking about.

Drinkchanel, I think you are making the massive assumption that everyone is like you or operates like you.

drinking I did read your whole op and I understood it fully. I get you are not saying anxiety didn't exist, but by saying that it is over diagnosed with absolutely no supporting evidence you are effectively saying to those of us who have suffered anxiety that you think there is a reasonable chance we are making it up.

There seems to be an assumption that because more people say they have anxiety now than in the past all those extra people are misdiagnosing. I do not believe this is the case. In think it is that now they there is a name for something that has always existed. Now we are finally getting to a point where the default reaction to someone admitting they can't cope is not to tell them to man up and get on with it. More people say they have anxiety because they are able to.

I also do not dismiss someone who has self diagnosed. The fact is mental health provision is still woefully inadequate. I was lucky that I had a GP who is well known for being good at spotting the signs of depression when I suffered it. I was even luckier that I could afford private therapy when my anxiety was at its worst. Many people are not so lucky and getting to someone who has the time and qualifications to diagnose properly can be an epic struggle. Often too much for someone who can barely summon the energy to get dressed in the morning. For these people self diagnosis can be a literal life saver. It gives them a name for what it's happening and opens the doorway to online support and tools to help them get better. It is not ideal and I would like to see better access to mental health care but until that happens many prior simply have no choice but to do the best they can.

I believe in many cases a label can be a powerful thing. The time I have been closest to suicide was when I believed that what I felt was a normal part of life. For me this ment that there was no escape. It ment that I was a failure because I just couldn't seem to manage with feelings that I was told everyone has and if I couldn't cope with those feelings than clearly I couldn't cope with life. I just didn't want to live if that was what living involved. Getting a label for what I felt, being told it was not normal and that I didn't have to feel like that saved my life. Once I had a name I had something I could treat. I had an illness I could learn to manage and hopefully even cure.

Labels should not be dismissed and they should not necessarily be seen as negative. Having a label can make all the difference.