To wonder what every happened to just being shy?

[drinkingchanelno5]

I notice this everywhere now. Everyone has 'social anxiety' that seems to prevent them living a normal life. Being shy from time to time is normal and happens to everyone at some point! Seems to me that labelling yourself as 'anxious' rather than just shy is somehow reinforcing the issue, and gives you a reason to not try to overcome it because it gives it a medicalised label. They are called social 'skills' for a reason - they are skills that can be learned and need to be practised.

And yes I know some people have genuine anxiety issues, but people seem to reach for the social anxiety label automatically and it really grinds my gears! Or AIBU?

YANBU. Everything has a bloody label these days and there is way too much self diagnosis.

Your anxiety is most likely linked to that (and yes before you have a go, I'm trained to work with people like you.)

That is a really condescending and horrible thing to reply to a PP.

Yabvu. Social anxiety is very different to being shy.

Surely the reason it's more common is because people are just more open about it? Which is awesome. Social anxiety affects one in four so it's not uncommon at all. Trying to imply people are just shy is so offensive and horrible to people with social anxiety. I already feel broken, don't imply I'm lying/exaggerating too.

My social anxiety was diagnosed by a psychiatrist (along with other issues), so I assume I'm not really the target of this post, but...

Lots and lots of people DO have proper anxiety. Traditionally they've kept it very quiet. Now finally SOME of the stigma is starting to shift, and the people suffering are starting to actually talk about it. Hence it might seem to some that it's suddenly become more common.

I bet "in the olden days" there have been loads of people with crippling anxiety, whose issues have just been brushed off as them being "a bit shy".

BUt that is not the same as suggesting that all people who mention they are socially anxious are pathologising themselves. I get socially anxious; most people do. If I see someone I know vaguely walking towards me I pretend not to notice them, and I'm not great at parties. But I don't have social anxiety so bad that I am unable to live a normal life.

I think what is an issue is that many people don't know what helps and what doesn't with anxiety; it is true that we can accidentally make it worse, for example, if we try to 'rescue' our children or prevent them from ever worrying about anything. We need more acceptance that 'normal' anxiety is predictable, expected and will fade, and clearer advice to parents on how to manage early anxiety in children.

What isn't helpful AT ALL is trivialising the issue for people for whom anxiety is genuinely preventing them from living their life, or suggesting that once it has got that bad they should just pull themselves together and stop wallowing in their self-diagnosed 'condition'.

Ffs this is like that other thread about how people aren't really gluten intolerant and just claim agonising stomach pain for attention. Why do people feel it is ok to make sweeping generalisations discounting the experience of swathes of people they have never met? What makes it ok to just decide based on nothing at all that people are making up an illness, when clearly you have no idea what you are talking about?

Social anxiety and shyness are completely, vastly different things. Shyness is feeling a bit awkward around people, maybe finding it hard to start a conversation or not liking presenting to a group. Social anxiety is having panic attacks at the thought of going to the supermarket because you are afraid of even the smallest interaction with other people. It is analysing everything you have said and want to say to the extent that you are unable to talk for fear of saying the wrong thing. It is being so convinced that you have or will mess up any meeting with another person that you drive away every friend you have.

In some situations I come across as confident and outgoing I am not shy at all, however I have in the past had all of the above. After therapy I am much better, but I am still trying to rebuild the damage done by that period of crippling social anxiety, I am very slowly starting to make friends again and have a social life. If you had met me you wouldn't have noticed it, you would have rolled your eyes and thought I was being melodramatic.

YABU

I have 2 DSs, DS2 is shy, DS1 has social anxiety - there is a difference. Although DS1 is thought to be borderline Aspergers so possibly linked.

PollyPerky I also work with autistic people.

If you work with autistic people and don't know about social anxiety, may i respectfully suggest that you update your 'training'. It also helps if you don't say things like 'people like you' about your clients. FFs.

I may have misunderstood the OP but I don;t think she was saying social anxiety didn't exist.....just that people who are shy are diagnosed (self or otherwise) as having the condition ie it's overdiagnosed.

I was extremely shy as a child/teenager, but with experience came confidence. I don't think I'd merit a diagnosis of social anxiety, but I wonder if I was a kid now whether I would.

Social anxiety is panicking about how you'll act before something even happens. Once its over with you then spend hours agonizing over if you acted the right way or said the right thing. It's having to force yourself to go to a shop and even then only being able to use the self service tills. It's so much more than being shy with new people, I struggle interacting with my own family and I see them weekly..

It's a horrendous thing to live with.

This reminds me of the ed psych who told my asd and enormously anxious child that they didn't believe in their diagnosis and that they were just introverted.

For the record I was not trying to be goady. As I mentioned in my OP I know real anxiety exists, people with diagnosed conditions were not the point of the post. Sorry to have offended.

Op, did you mean it like how everyone claimed to have OCD for a while? When what they really had was a fondness for cleaning their hands or keeping their desk neat.
That used to drive me insane.
I expect there are lots of people who genuinely suffer from social anxiety, and lots more who are just a bit shy/awkward / lazy with small talk who claim it as an excuse.

I'm nearly 40 and I was shy and now have diagnosed anxiety
I'm not sure what your point is?
You sound rather ignorant

My very young dc is very shy. School were trying to find 'reasons' for this. There r none, it turns out. She's just 'shy'. I'm with you op! Yes are many with anxiety but there r others too who are just shy,. In my daughter's case they were very quick to try and 'label' her!

Yabvvvu - there is a massive difference between shyness and anxiety

Dd(15) has struggled with anxiety for years, and point blank refused to come out of her room for a few periods of time. It was awful to watch. You have no idea though, obviously.

I wash my hands, live with autistic people, have an unclean desk, no ocd and don't take medication
What part of the Venn diagram do I fit on?
I have had poncey talking therapy though and my extended family have thought at times I am 'a bit wet' and need to 'pull myself together'
Hth

YABU, that's the biggest load of bullshit I've seen in quite a while (even some of the stuff I've written read on Mumsnet).

Social anxiety is a medical condition, whether you agree with that or not (and I suspect, perhaps unfairly, that you are not trained as a doctor). Recognising it as a medical condition allows the sufferer to get help, to get their condition treated. Perhaps just as importantly it allows the sufferer to realise they are not "mad" or "fucked up" or anything else. They are ill and their illness can be treated.

This "pull yourself together" attitude does not help someone overcome their anxiety in the slightest. If tells you they cannot cope with life or that they are feeling suicidal, telling them to "pull their finger out" will not help them overcome their feelings - very much the reverse.

Anxiety needs to be worked at to be overcome. It is very hard work too. One needs to understand the reasons why one feels anxious, what the triggers are. Then to explore the actual thoughts and feelings that it generates. Then to gradually expose themselves to the very situations that they are anxious about - no matter how big or small these situations may be. This is an ongoing job, a daily grind is needed in order to minimise the risk of slipping back into old habits.

Ignoring mental health issues does not usually mean that they will go away. Problems need to be recognised before they can be addressed.

Denying that anxiety is an illness is like telling someone who has just had their legs amputated to "pull themselves together" and just get on with learning to walk with prosthetic limbs. They need assistance to do this, they gradually build up the muscles that are needed and slowly learn to walk again. It would be pretty unhelpful if the doctor chucked a couple of artificial legs at the patient and told them to just get on with it.

Whether an illness is mental or physical, the basic principle is the same: recognition of illness is needed to allow the correct treatment to overcome the illness.

I get what you're saying.

Not that shyness doesn't exist or that social anxiety doesn't exist but nowadays there is a real trend of pathologising things because they are difficult, or unpalatable, or not socially easy to deal with for others.

So someone sad gets told 'oh you must have depression'. A shy person 'you have social anxiety', someone obnoxious must be 'a narcissist' or have 'a personality disorder'. It's possible to be mentally ill and it is also possible to be shy, sad or a cunt respectively.

I was a shy child. I was jollied along and sometimes my parents made me do things outside my comfort zone (be the one to phone someone about a thing, or get up and play at a concert, etc). I found it hard at the time but they were supportive and it was the best thing for me. I have also had social anxiety and no amount of jollying along would help in that situation. I know the difference between the two. However I would hazard a guess that there are people from the anxiety situation who think I'm just boring and awkward, and if I was a teenager today nobody would have made me do the things that got me through being shy; more likely I'd have been sent to see someone about my anxiety and how it could be 'managed'.

I think it is 100% better that we now recognise these conditions and others and recognise that socially 'other' behaviour is not always a personality trait but that there may be other factors at play; however there aren't always other factors at play and sometimes it really is personality. This will inevitably mean that sometimes people will use a diagnosis as an excuse but far more people will be helped by being more open and recognisant of mental health problems and for that I think the 'bandwagon jumpers' are a small price to pay. So, YANBU to notice that these people exist... but YABU to think that it would be possible or even preferable to do what it would take to get rid of them.

I'm trained to work with people like you

Social anxiety can be crippling, whereas shyness rarely is. They are very different things.