Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to say something to this preschool teacher?

29 replies

mikado1 · 21/12/2016 12:33

Will try and keep this brief. Pre school teacher has been using the 'No toys for these children Santa' line, the last week or so. I wasnt impressed as we never tie in Santa with behaviour but made very light of it when ds mentioned it.

At collection today I'm called in to be told ds (4.5) has said same to a friend who was upset/annoyed. Ds had to ear his lunch alone (he told me this, and this but annoyed me further as we were told from outset that she doesn't use isolation and also why not tell me this when I was spoken to?). Obviously have told ds not to say it but as he says 'X said it to me/us'.. and I agree. He didn't get it from me!

If relevant, child he said it to is his great friend and they came skipping out together. Would you say anything? I just feel disappointed.

OP posts:
BlueFolly · 21/12/2016 12:35

Its not clear from your OP what you would be saying something about.

BeingATinselTwatItsABingThing · 21/12/2016 12:36

I'm confused.

So the teacher told your DS that Santa won't come if they are naughty and then he said it to another child. The consequence of this was that he had to eat his lunch on his own?

Candlestickchick · 21/12/2016 12:38

If he's repeating something his teacher said to him then you would be entitled to say something. If it's not appropriate for them to repeat then it shouldn't really be said to them in the first place at that age.

insancerre · 21/12/2016 12:39

If you were a preschool teacher, you would understand that sometimes we have to result to blackmail
Especially since they made it illegal to whip them with a cane

xStefx · 21/12/2016 12:39

Yes, I would ask the teacher to stop teaching children conflicting views and also pull her up on her "mistake" and tell her never to do that again. Put a stop to it happening again or something similar x

bloodymaria · 21/12/2016 12:40

Why was ds eating lunch alone?

insancerre · 21/12/2016 12:40

Or just tell her she won't get any presents from santa if she does it again

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 21/12/2016 12:43

YNBU. I thought isolation was not allowed as punishment as it counts as exclusion.

The no Gift of Santa list is not only cruel, but. Its also stupid. It's an empty threat. The pre school teacher knows those children are not going to wake up to know presents, and What about severely impoverished children who may not be getting anything to link in getting no presents with challenging behavior. Is going to be detrimental to their highly likely already very low self esteem.

YouMeanYouForgotCranberriesToo · 21/12/2016 12:44

So the teacher tells them they won't get toys if they misbehave, but when your son copied her he got in trouble and had to eat lunch alone? I would definitely say something! If she thinks they shouldn't say it then neither should she!

sirfredfredgeorge · 21/12/2016 12:45

If you're a preschool teacher who has to appeal to a mythical being to encourage any sort of behaviour, I think you probably need a new career.

GeillisTheWitch · 21/12/2016 12:46

YANBU. I'd be severely unimpressed with my child being punished for repeating something they had got from their teacher.

Original poster
mikado1 · 21/12/2016 12:49

Ok I just wanted to check wasn't being pfb/making excuses for him. I do think it's interesting that I wasn't informed of consequence. On the spot I said 'That's not something he's heard in our house do I imagine he was trying out what he's heard' (hint hint!) but now I think I should point out the mixed message.
Sancerre, I'm primary if that's any good and have never used Santa, what would I do for the other 11months if I relied on that?! This teacher has a LOT of experience so am feeling really let down. Hate having to say anything.

OP posts:
harderandharder2breathe · 21/12/2016 12:50

If you were told isolation wouldn't be used as a punishment, you can ask why it was for your son (it's not as if it was a risk management strategy if he was attacking other children)

TBH I would let the santa thing go as it's so commonplace. I don't agree with it, but so many random strangers seem to feel the need to say it to children that it's not worth getting worked up over.

Original poster
mikado1 · 21/12/2016 13:01

I know harder, and th a was my feeling last week but it's not really about Santa more, how is it ok for you to say it but not him? When choosing I asked about discipline and was told there was no 'naughty chair' - he was told to think today (good luck witg that!) -I can't see a difference. There is also quite a bit I 'If you do X you'll get a sticker', which personally hate dislike and wasn't mentioned I terms of behaviour management but don't think want to bring it up, just this is making me feel megative ab

OP posts:
Original poster
mikado1 · 21/12/2016 13:06

Apologies for typos etc. Phone playingup.

Feeling negative about setup, and I must have looked at 8-10 places.

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 21/12/2016 13:10

What does "eating alone" actually mean in a pre-school setting? I'd imagine he was removed from the table the child he was taunting was sitting on; not put in a room on his own?

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 21/12/2016 13:10

I really hate the whole naughty and nice list thing. DD was getting quite distressed about it, worrying she had been bad, and of course she wouldn't believe me when I said that bit wasn't true Sad

As a PP said it must also be really shitty for kids who dont get presents for other reasons.

Original poster
mikado1 · 21/12/2016 13:11

He was put at a separate table to eat alone, same room.

OP posts:
EweAreHere · 21/12/2016 13:17

YADefinitelyNBU.

IF they are saying this to the children, they've taught impressionable 3 and 4 year olds that this is something that can be said. They are in no position to complain if one turns around and says it to another child. And to put one in isolation for it?! Not on.

I would complain vocally.

Not a good behavior management strategy by preschool teachers, btw. Not everyone does the 'santa' thing or celebrates Christmas. This could really upset some children. It's not their place to be using Santa as a threat.

Original poster
mikado1 · 21/12/2016 13:31

Ok so now have to work out what to say, and when, without getting upset /annoyed.

OP posts:
BeingATinselTwatItsABingThing · 21/12/2016 14:52

So you say your DS told you he sat alone, not in them? Yes?

Did he get moved or did he just take longer to eat than the others? I agree that the teacher shouldn't use Santa as a threat and and a child copying her was probably inevitable, but I'm just not sure if the sitting alone was an actual punishment for it if you only heard it from him.

BeingATinselTwatItsABingThing · 21/12/2016 14:52

*not them

Original poster
mikado1 · 21/12/2016 15:43

No he told me the child he said it to was told to sit out ha!- so I figured it was him. I will check of course.

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 21/12/2016 16:39

He told you the other child was punished... and you deduced from this not only that it actually happened, but it happened to your son? Hmm
You have about 10% of the facts here (being generous), you really need to establish if anything happened at all before making a scene, or else just let it go.

BeingATinselTwatItsABingThing · 21/12/2016 17:03

Ok, now I'm even more convinced that he wasn't told to sit alone.

I am a teacher and I had a parent come and speak to me because his snowflake was being 'unfairly punished' for something and singled out when others were involved. Actually, she was not singled out at all. She and two others had been wasting lesson time with petty friendship issues (ongoing and no amount of listening and helping on our part was making a difference). So they lost a break time so they could sort it out. All of them. And just one break, not all of their break times until the end of term like the girl had told her dad.

Swipe left for the next trending thread