To want to skip the family xmas dinner

[Pugmomma]

For the past 3 years I've always made xmas dinner for the family at my place, and have always done my best to cater for everyone; last year I did gamon and coke in slow cooker, a turkey crown and a joint of beef, as well as a nut roast for DPs sister who is veggie.

All this year DPs family have said they want to do xmas dinner this year, so we agreed it back in September ish. Then DPs mum popped around today for a brew, and says they'll be doing beef and gammon on xmas day.

Feel so put out as the whole family knows I don't eat any red meats etc at all- I only eat turkey, chicken and fish. DPs sister is away abroad this year in asia so there won't even be the option for nut roast etc.

Just feel like I don't matter at all. I mean for the last 3 years I've cooked for all of them, including beef and gammon when I don't eat them.

Told all this to DP and he said well there'll be veg and potatoes etc! I was a bit miffed. I hate sprouts (yet still cooked them for his family!), so I'd be having carrots, peas and potatoes for xmas dinner.

I actually feel quite sad and dreading it now. It's not so much the only eating veg, it's more feeling like they don't care/I don't matter.

AIBU?

I've just opened the link. You could definitely fit Turkey in the middle for the surprise

The cake looks delicious. I might see if I can buy one in the supermarket make one.

So if your in-laws find turkey "dry and bland", does that mean they've never eaten any of it the previous 3 Christmasses that you've cooked it for them?

And whoever said upthread that cauliflower cheese is a lovely vegetarian main course is completely wrong. It's a side dish, like other vegetables. Sticking cheese sauce on it doesn't stop it being a vegetable.

Yes of course! I'll find it & type it up later/tomorrow. It looks harder than it is. I often change it when I make it (plain, choc, red velvet etc) it's one of those cakes that you can make suit any occasion with the use of food colouring/different fillings - brilliant! I get what you're saying about DP, but really he is brilliant- he does so much and does usually fight my corner, but his Achilles heel is his mother. He is the underdog (I wanted to use the phrase 'black sheep' but after reading a thread earlier I won't 🙈) of his family - his mums a teacher, his dad a chartered engineer, one sister teaching English in Asia, the other training to become a doctor, and so I think he feels under pressure to meet their expectations. He's a gem really. Xx

I'd text "Sorry MiL, I will be so busy roasting a turkey so I'll have meat with dinner that I won't have time to bake a cake". Too PA? Probably.

That being said, and I know I'm a lone voice in the wilderness, but as a Coeliac I don't expect anyone to accommodate me and I always plan on bringing my own food even though I normally go out of my way to accommodate others. It's nice if they do, and my own family always does, but I don't expect anyone else to do so.

Well SuburbanRhonda that's what you'd think but I got a huge turkey last year and at the end it was a carcass! I spatchcocked it (so it cooked soooo much quicker!!) with mushrooms, butter, sage and onion and his mum asked for the recipe!! So I do think it's bullshit. But oh well, it'll still b a lovely day, and my DD loves all foods so I know she'll love it. She's so excited to bake the cake with me xx

Your mother is being horrid, your DH is being spineless and you are letting them both get away with it AND you're going to do as you're told and bring the pudding!!

I have read so many posts on here lately about being people treated like shite by their family and friends but just rolling over and taking it! There is no need to be rude to people who try this on, but you really don't have to poke up with it and I don't understand why you would .

Exactly with you Rollon.

Pug

You are obviously a MUCH better cook than your DP's mother.

But next year - cook ONE main that YOU want to eat and let the buggers eat it or leave it, ut no pandering! (I shall be cross with you)

I'm not sure whether I'm more shocked by your MIL having the brass neck to tell you she can't be bothered to cater for you, but then ask you to bake a cake, or the fact that you are actually going to make it.

Why would you let people treat you this way? Why would you not say something?

rollonthesummer & Whocansay I know what you're saying, but to me xmas is about families and happy times, so if me putting up and shutting up makes it an easier time, I would rather that than confront anyone, I'll just chow down some chicken tikka masala later on. I'm baking the cake because I do love to bake, my daughter loves it, and it will probably be the highlight of my xmas dinner with DPs family. I just want everyone to be happy over Christmas- it's for giving after all. TheSlaughterOfHerodificado I'll make sure I have them over ours next year and I'll cook the turkey for so long it's drier than Ghandis flip flops and will give them no gravy! X

That's the spirit, Pug!

Enjoy your boiled festive feat this year (as you say - at least you'll eat cake! )

You are a Good Woman.

(I'm not, but I know one when I encounter one)

*feast! FEAST!!!

The autocorrect will be the death of me.

I think I would be direct and up front about this - DP did not get the message across and they are thoughtless. A text such as 'I am hurt that having catered beef, gammon and vegetarian options for your family in past years, that you have not thought to cater a white meat option for me. Please let me know what you plan to do, as I am currently very upset and although I do not want to disrupt plans, it will be difficult for me to attend the meal.' Otherwise resentment will simmer and at least this way when they serve beef in the future you might get something.

Or send a pic of the cake and say its not coming until you see the turkey ;)

You are judging this against your standards. You would rather prepare different options so everyone is happy anf see this as important. They dont. In all likelihood if you had adopted this approach they would have accepted it with no issues. I would accept it but next tine ypu host scale it back. If anyone then says anything repeat what has been said to you or say we dont eat red meat as I dont eat it etc etc.

I think next year I'd just do them a delicious vegetarian Christmas Dinner

Have a lovely day, the cake sounds divine!

If you do dinner next year just do turkey. Nothing else. If they don't like it they csn eat the veg.

Next time you have them over for Christmas dinner. Just make a turkey.(and the veg option for sil) and tough if they want beef too.

This year I'd make something for myself and do it every time you are there for tea. If anyone asks why, then tell them that they have known for years that you don't eat red meat but they don't seem able to remember and make you an alternative meat. Therefore you have to bring something so you have a full meal.

Or just phone MIL up and ask if she is making turkey or chicken for you. Pretend you don't know she hasn't planned to and see what she says.