To want to skip the family xmas dinner

[Pugmomma]

For the past 3 years I've always made xmas dinner for the family at my place, and have always done my best to cater for everyone; last year I did gamon and coke in slow cooker, a turkey crown and a joint of beef, as well as a nut roast for DPs sister who is veggie.

All this year DPs family have said they want to do xmas dinner this year, so we agreed it back in September ish. Then DPs mum popped around today for a brew, and says they'll be doing beef and gammon on xmas day.

Feel so put out as the whole family knows I don't eat any red meats etc at all- I only eat turkey, chicken and fish. DPs sister is away abroad this year in asia so there won't even be the option for nut roast etc.

Just feel like I don't matter at all. I mean for the last 3 years I've cooked for all of them, including beef and gammon when I don't eat them.

Told all this to DP and he said well there'll be veg and potatoes etc! I was a bit miffed. I hate sprouts (yet still cooked them for his family!), so I'd be having carrots, peas and potatoes for xmas dinner.

I actually feel quite sad and dreading it now. It's not so much the only eating veg, it's more feeling like they don't care/I don't matter.

AIBU?

1. what's a snowball cake?
2. passive aggressively cook a turkey crown and turn up and say 'i just couldn't believe it when you said you were only having beef and gammon for dinner, it just isn't christmas without the turkey'

Put turkey in the snowball cake.

Also I'm seconding whats a snowball cake?

Maybe they think gammon is a white meat. The terms "red meat" and "white meat" don't really mean much to me.

Thanks for all your lovely advice ladies, really appreciate it ❤️ Just because I can't bear drama (& im the suffer in silence type maybe slightly🙄) I'm just going to put up and shut up and make do with it, as some have said it's just one meal, & I can have plenty of pudding 😍 In DPs defence, he doesn't have much of a back bone with his mum, he's very much a mummy's boy at heart, and think it'd really make him struggle and upset him to have to say something to her (& he has offered to get me an Indian for Christmas Day tea- my absolute fave❤️)

Still upset at the thoughtlessness but I'm not going to let it ruin my Christmas. I'll make sure I drink plenty of their booze - the good stuff 😉

Have a lovely xmas all xxx

Bring some sandwiches in a lunchbox and say 'Don't worry about me!'
Then make yourself a turkey the next day.

Why are you going? I'm with Whocan - no support from your DP - just thoughtlessness from them - what is it about Christmas that brings out the doormat/martyr all over the place-
I'd give DP the cake recipe he can make it...unless your making one to take to your mums and its an easy to double up!

You have gone to a lot of effort for them bugger all for him say your going to your mums for dinner see him later ..

Yes please tell us what a snowball cake is? Sounds delicious. And no, don't put turkey in it, although that sounds hilarious .

Your DP has seriously let you down with the phone call. They've basically said to him they aren't going to cater for you and he's just accepted it and tried to convince you himself !

Either he is as thoughtless as they are or he has no arse hole to fight your corner. I can't understand this anyway, when I host it's my aim for everyone to be as happy as possible. I would either not go or take something as pp have said.

www.goodhousekeeping.co.uk/christmas/christmas-recipes/hidden-snowball-cake this is a snowball cake quite similar to the recipe I use, except I vary the sweets inside - last year I used smarties for the kids, and I made choc red velvet sponge instead of plain, the kids always love it, and so easy to change it, I'm thinking Maltesers this year maybe.

I know averythinline but I just don't want to cause an argument or any friction. Especially at xmas, just trying to look at the positives x

Sorry I don't know how to hyperlink 😳

www.goodhousekeeping.co.uk/christmas/christmas-recipes/hidden-snowball-cake

They're clearing only inviting you for your snowball cake, it sounds amazing!

I don't think you're being a martyr, I just think Christmas is a time to put any minor irritations on the back burner for the sake of keeping a pleasant atmosphere for everyone there. Enjoy your veg (and cake).

Oh get over it, you don't like what they are cooking. It's (hopefully) not an indication of how they feel about you.

I suspect you've confused them with your not-a-vegetarian-but-not-eating-meat-thing; AND by cooking for them exactly what they propose to cook this year.

It's only one meal. Take your own veggie option. And resolve to cook what you damn well want next time you host.

DPs mum has text me and asked me would I mind doing my snowball cake (nanas recipe) and bring it for pudding coz the kids love it

Text back and say you would be delighted as long as they cook a small chicken for you, coz you love it!

Cheeky mare!

Also, please post your nan's recipe for us all o have a snowball cake . . . ()

Firstly, do not make your cake.

Secondly, invite them next year and only cook a huge "bland and dry" turkey

Treat others as you would want to be treated and all that.

She always has done Sugarplum

"I would be spiking their drinks with anti-freeze!" - you know that would kill them, yes?

Yes - I do know. They don't call me "Slaughter" for nothing!

You re quite righting describing yourself as having no sense of humour. I was in no way suggesting that OP actually do the, and I am sure that she is aware that really spiking a drink with ANYTHING - laxatives, alcohol- whatever - is NOT the way to go.

Make a snowball cake , Pugmomma, ... a small one for the children .... and (without mention it to anyone) make a Christmas dinner sized single portion of the moistest, most delectable smelling, chicken dish you can think of.

Something you can prepare, cook and wrap, then finish off with 20 minutes in their oven (or a few minutes in their microwave, if that works for the dish). Something that's going to have their olfactory senses begging for a taste ... but, of course, they can't have a taste as you've only brought enough for you!

Don't mention it unless they do. If they comment on you bringing it at all, simply say that you knew there wouldn't be any meat for you, but you also knew you wouldn't mind you bringing something for yourself, along with the cake.

If they compliment you upon the smell of your dish, simply smile and say 'Mmmmm' as you pop another forkful in your mouth.

You sound like a fair old cook, OP, so let your actions speak for you!

Honestly, you can solve this by just speaking to them honestly. It doesn't have to be confrontational, just, "could you please cook some white meat that I can eat for Christmas Day? I would feel rather left out just having the sides."

State what you want and why, with no blame or hostility. Otherwise you will just feel resentful towards them over Christmas. Not good.

OMG! Sorry to suggest you're DP might be less than supportive. Have I missed something? Indian on Christmas day? You lucky lucky girl! You'll need to leave room. Yum.

It's disappointing that they have not been more considerate towards you but it's one meal and not worth the fall out of a big family argument.

They aren't being very welcoming or considerate. It seems like they don't want you there apart from to bake a cake

Your DH being a Mummy's boy is not a defence; it's just sad and shows he won't stand up for you.