Am I a big failure if I don't produce the perfect xmas dinner?

[Lilifer]

My in laws are coming to dinner this year. They live very nearby and I get on pretty well with them. FIL is quite old fashioned and stuffy in his views at time, product of his upbringing etc would think all domestic stuff is the woman's work and men don't get involved in the kitchen.
I've no issue with that but the thing is I am not very domesticated, I don't really enjoy cooking as I do enough of it every day as a SAHM of 5 kids so for me xmas day is just another day of cooking except with much more pressure and expectations attached.
The last time PIL came to us i had decided to change things up a bit a do a roast beef instead as we are not that fussed about turkey but FIL expressed such horror at this departure from tradition that I backed down and decided to cook turkey.
This year I will cook turkey as it's just easier than upsetting anyone but I'm a bit worried that my dinner won't be up to scratch cos
A. I don't bother cooking a ham (too much extra work and kids not that in to it)
B. I don't do sprouts cos most of us loathe them
C. I don't bother with a starter cos there is so much food in the main course and dessert that a starter is not really needed esp when kids have been snacking all day on quality street (and me too if I'm honest!)

Does that sound totally pathetic to you? The table will look lovely and the food I do serve will be tasty and hot, it's just a scaled down version of the norm, but it means that I get to enjoy the day too without having to spend all day either prepping food or washing up.
I fear the PILs will feel a bit short changed though

Never had a starter or a ham at Christmas dinner.

You are right about tyranny....how much do other people have to put up with just so your FIL doesn't have to put up with not getting the precise meal he has come to expect? Very rude. I know many people around their age starting to go to their DC for Xmas rather than host. Of course everything might not be exactly as they would do it, but they appreciate the hard work the host has gone to and are very grateful for whatever they get.

I think as your DH works the hours he does that he probably does deserve to get a bit of a rest on Christmas day. That doesn't mean that he does nothing.

If I were you I'd do a light snack/starter thing around 12:30 so that people have something before DH goes to work (I'm assuming the breakfast is likely to be early if you have young kids).

Then you leave FIL in charge of the kids and hide out in the kitchen. Take a bottle of wine, and if you have music/TV in there, have yourself a private party and feign being super busy.

Eat at 2 ish. Are any of the kids old enough to load the dishwasher and clear the table?

DH doing a supper seems fair if he works during the day.

We don't have any starter or dessert on Christmas day - we eat enough of the main course to not want anything else. Also - ham is for Boxing Day.

I don't want me/dp/mum or guests or anyone spending hours cooking on Christmas Day so we have a turkey then ready made/ frozen EVERYTHING else.

The guests keep coming back so it must be ok.

Cheat. A few Christmases ago I treated myself to one of those M&S Christmas meal deals, everything came pre-prepared and there was oh so little cooking ... No one will know and slacking slaving in the kitchen with a bottle of red & a new book - I only moved when something went ping or when the glass needed refilling!

RE: No one will know and slacking slaving in the kitchen with a bottle of red & a new book - I only moved when something went ping or when the glass needed refilling!

I like your style Kew

My SIL of very good at making suggestions for Christmas Day but given that she has never cooked it and has no idea of the work involved I just ignore her. She wants to have the things exactly she has at MILs so I had to politely tell her I once that we have our own Christmas traditions and I have no intention of trying to recreate her childhood memories.

Make sure they have enough mulled wine (before dinner) not to care.

Not Christmas, but this springs to mind.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=YQGRtSIu-_Y

Shows how much I know, I didn't even know people ate ham for Christmas dinner
There are no rules OP... my mum does 3 types of potato. Do it how you like it!

Your replies have really cheered me up so thank you ! I'm feeling a lot more couldn't give a fuck about it all!!

We have roasties and mash. The mash is so that we can make bubble and squeak on Boxing Day. (Our mash has carrots and parsnips in it too.)

I luffs the leftovers. Best bit of Xmas for me.

Pork pies
Scotch eggs
Turkey sarnies (with pickled onion)
Chutney
Potato salad
Lovely ham

Yum!!!

I was eyeing up the M&S ready meal main course today, the works in a foil tray for £7.00 and so much less bother.

I know why you're doing it, that post about your Mil was quite upsetting .
You don't have to try and make it the same way she would have done it though.
Sounds like the perfect time to start some new traditions. Especially non food things that she'd enjoy.
It really isn't all about the food.

Ham is what is cooked on Boxing Day, not something for Christmas Day in our house.