Am I a big failure if I don't produce the perfect xmas dinner?

[Lilifer]

My in laws are coming to dinner this year. They live very nearby and I get on pretty well with them. FIL is quite old fashioned and stuffy in his views at time, product of his upbringing etc would think all domestic stuff is the woman's work and men don't get involved in the kitchen.
I've no issue with that but the thing is I am not very domesticated, I don't really enjoy cooking as I do enough of it every day as a SAHM of 5 kids so for me xmas day is just another day of cooking except with much more pressure and expectations attached.
The last time PIL came to us i had decided to change things up a bit a do a roast beef instead as we are not that fussed about turkey but FIL expressed such horror at this departure from tradition that I backed down and decided to cook turkey.
This year I will cook turkey as it's just easier than upsetting anyone but I'm a bit worried that my dinner won't be up to scratch cos
A. I don't bother cooking a ham (too much extra work and kids not that in to it)
B. I don't do sprouts cos most of us loathe them
C. I don't bother with a starter cos there is so much food in the main course and dessert that a starter is not really needed esp when kids have been snacking all day on quality street (and me too if I'm honest!)

Does that sound totally pathetic to you? The table will look lovely and the food I do serve will be tasty and hot, it's just a scaled down version of the norm, but it means that I get to enjoy the day too without having to spend all day either prepping food or washing up.
I fear the PILs will feel a bit short changed though

personally i hate turkey to so does my other half ,i would cook a turkey crown in slow cooker much easier.Just add some veg,chicken stock 250ml ,turkey crown low 8-10hrs done then i could put more effort into another joint

if you really dont have the time get two slow cookers a leg of lamb fantastic slow cooker.250ml beef stock,crushed garlic,chopped onion.carrot,leg of lamb high 6hrs

that way the meat is done with minimal effort

You cook, you decide OP.

Tell PIL to bring some Bernard Matthews turkey drumsticks for his plate

IMO Christmas dinner is just a Sunday dinner but the difference being it's turkey instead of chicken, pigs in blankets (not cooked for the same length of time as the turkey mother and if edible I would like more than two) and cranberry sauce. It's just veg and maybe proper gravy instead of boiling the kettle.

In my 48 Christmases I've never eaten ham.

My attitude is if you ate a guest at someone else's house and being fed you should be grateful for what's served. If you want to do Christmas a certain way following a certain menu then stay at home and cook your own.
I sympathise greatly. My Mil is like your fil. After 15 years I told her the above.
Do your Xmas meal the way it suits you and your family he'll just have to fit in.

I am debating doing a chilli as that's what the children want!!! Think I might just have to do Christmas dinner for me though :). Do whatever works for you. Tasty and hot sounds - perfect to me! Your dinner doesnst sound pathetic at all.

Grumpy we've always done mash and roasties ( forgot they will be cooked xmas day too), back as far as my nannas' childhood. We're Irish though and have a thing about spuds in their many varied and delicous forms

I thought that ham was meant for Boxing day? Obviously I'm a total heathen 😂

It's just beyond rude. Different people do things differently, embrace it.

I'd be tempted to cook up something really off the wall like curry (with plenty of chilli in )

What fucking decade are we living in? Women running themselves ragged to please someone else's parents? Why do people put up with this utter crap.

Anyone who has specific requests and needs around the provision of food can roll their bloody sleeves up.

What are husbands doing throughout all this? Drinking sherry on their arse while their own parents moan about the food?

This is a medieval way to live. Come on MNers, grow a backbone and tell the sexist lazy pigs in your life to naff off. Life doesn't have to be this hard.

Or a full on vegetarian roast Lentil, wild mushroom and nut loaf would be a hit.

I'm doing turkey and ham. I'm no hero as I'm slamming the ham in the slow cooker. Bit of water, shut the lid and leave it as I do everything else. This is the first time I'm doing both though on the day. Used to do ham on Xmas eve with chips and peas but there's only us two on the eve so am severely tempted to get Chinese takeaway!

ham on Xmas eve with chips and peas

God, that sounds AWESOME. Only needs the addition of tinned pineapple rings. [common as muck]

I like a big chicken roast on Xmas Eve, then lots of leftover cold chicken to graze on over Xmas Day, for sandwiches on good white bread with dollops of mayonnaise and crisps on the side. And leftover roast potatoes. Mmmmmm.

I've bought ready made everything. Aunt Bessies roasties, parsnips, yorkies and stuffing. Tesco pigs in blankets, turkey breast joint, nut roast, braised cabbage and cauliflower cheese. FROZEN MASH. On Christmas Eve I'll chop carrots. On Christmas Day I'll turn on the oven. I love cooking but not on Christmas Day. That's my day too and I want to spend it with DC, not in the kitchen.

PollyTheDolly I recently told my DS about the tradition of Jewish people in America eating Chinese food on Christmas Day, and he has begged for us to adopt the tradition, except for Christmas Eve! I have willingly caved to this.

(NB: neither of us are Jewish.)

I'm doing a ham but it's the first time in my 44 years on this earth that I've had ham with Xmas dinner.

Re sprouts, Tesco do a steam fresh pot thing with jazzed up sprouts in it. 5 mins in the microwave - might be an easy option.

In lieu of a starter, my mil puts out bowls of things like olives, nuts, cheese straws etc with an aperitif .

On the whole though, agree with pp, cook what you want. Pil can like it or lump it.

Honey Hickory Ham

I am surprised so many people don't have ham. I love ham. Although we don't have pigs in blankets. We have stuffing wrapped in bacon instead.

I never do ham on Christmas day, there really is no need for any more meat given that we have turkey, stuffing and pigs in blankets. I sometimes get one in to have later in the week when we're bored with turkey.

i always do a starter

because everybody would die of starvation if they had to rely on me getting the timings right

your fil is an ungrateful arse.

What is a ham? Gammon?

No starter, not even brought by someone else. Too many plates and cutlery, too long at table for kids, too much faffing for the main course for you to enjoy. Posh nibbles in bowls, tops.

No ham. What is it FOR?.

Personally I find it very vulgar to have multiple roasts / meats in the same meal. Chipolatas as an accompaniment, fine.

Our starter consists of pringles.....or nuts,.....very classy here!!!

I do a ham simply because we eat late on Xmas day 6/7pm and along with a deli spread people can just help themselves.

I also do it as along with all the leftovers it generally means after 3 days of hosting I have to cook naff all for a week

morris I fully agree with your sentiments.

I host/cook because I prefer it to spending the holiday traveling with the kids (and tbh I like cooking).

Having said that I'm not a pushover. I cook what I want and if you don't like, you don't come.

I equally expect everyone who hasn't cooked (DM and DFIL are good cooks and always offer to help) to do the washing up whilst I chill out with a large glass of wine. After 10 years they have a pretty good system and assigned tasks!!

DH doesn't cook, but he helps with all the other Christmas prep (clean bedding for guests/tidying etc etc) and is "waiter" on the day.

Everyone is expected to pitch in and do their bit.

Hosting is one thing, it doesn't equate to being a skivvy for everyone.

No ham. What is it FOR?.

It's for eating. Because it's delicious.

HTH.

Especially Nigella's recipe - cooked in cola with a treacle glaze salivating already

Dh does the Christmas meal and I do the cleanup. This year, I'm hoping to skive off as I will either continue to be eleventy months pregnant or have a newborn.