Am I a big failure if I don't produce the perfect xmas dinner?

[Lilifer]

My in laws are coming to dinner this year. They live very nearby and I get on pretty well with them. FIL is quite old fashioned and stuffy in his views at time, product of his upbringing etc would think all domestic stuff is the woman's work and men don't get involved in the kitchen.
I've no issue with that but the thing is I am not very domesticated, I don't really enjoy cooking as I do enough of it every day as a SAHM of 5 kids so for me xmas day is just another day of cooking except with much more pressure and expectations attached.
The last time PIL came to us i had decided to change things up a bit a do a roast beef instead as we are not that fussed about turkey but FIL expressed such horror at this departure from tradition that I backed down and decided to cook turkey.
This year I will cook turkey as it's just easier than upsetting anyone but I'm a bit worried that my dinner won't be up to scratch cos
A. I don't bother cooking a ham (too much extra work and kids not that in to it)
B. I don't do sprouts cos most of us loathe them
C. I don't bother with a starter cos there is so much food in the main course and dessert that a starter is not really needed esp when kids have been snacking all day on quality street (and me too if I'm honest!)

Does that sound totally pathetic to you? The table will look lovely and the food I do serve will be tasty and hot, it's just a scaled down version of the norm, but it means that I get to enjoy the day too without having to spend all day either prepping food or washing up.
I fear the PILs will feel a bit short changed though

Your FIL would probably commit me to public flogging if I was his DIL. This year we're having indian takeaway

I was chatting with my beloved vegan friend who lives in Oz and asked her what she was doing for Christmas dinner.

Salads and a vegetable wellington.

Do that, see what happens.

Seriously, I am a food obsessive, i adore cooking, I go bananas over Christmas and what you have planned is fine. Gorgeous in fact. They are lucky you are going to the trouble of preparing a meal for the ungrateful sods.

But if you really hate cooking (and have money spare) i have been taste testing the M&S Cgristmas foods this week- shove in oven stuffing bakes etc. Very good IMO.

I think you need to rope your DH into doing his fair share! Particularly if you don't enjoy cooking yourself.

Also, you invite people to spend time together, not to see if you can try out for the next Master Chef so I wouldn't worry.

Asda mum - Chrismas, mum is behind it

Just do what you want. I love a Christmas dinner so I'm doing the works.

Beef
Pork
Ham
Stuffing
Roasties
Mash
Pigs in blankets
Yorkshires
Cauliflower and broccoli cheese
Carrots
Peas
Sprouts
And proper meat gravy.

However I'm making it really easy on myself and doing my meat, gravy, mash and cauliflower cheese on Christmas Eve. So it's just the sides that need doing.

And itso to last two days for two sets of people.

Nom. Really bloody looking forward to it.

Allergies and veggie/vegan aside. Please yourself with what you cook!

I have never cooked Xmas dinner for anyone. I am a busy mum of 5 with anxiety problems and wouldn't cope with such stress. I do do buffets every now and then or light lunches for close friends. Wouldn't cook for in laws. Far too stressful. They don't cook for us either. They often come for mince pies and and wine instead, much nicer!!

Maybe I'll do sprouts this year as a concession, surely I can't get sprouts wrong.

The thing is that for me I have never been interested in cooking, it is and always will be a chore and therefore cooking on xmas day seems just like an extra big chore with more trimmings.

Food to me is fuel, and I don't get excited about it. That's not to say I don't love it if someone wants to cook me a feast and I'll happily scoff it, but cooking for ten just feels like a chore and I can't wait till everyone is fed and I can sit down with a drink!!

I will be making my dh make the obligatory smoked salmon supper later on in the day for the in laws .

Oh, forgot to say, I buy ready made pigs in blankets, Yorkshires, frozen roast potatoes and parsnips and pre- prepared veggies.

No one has ever been able to tell the difference.

Deffo get your DH to help, he's being really unreasonable. I'm disabled and bed-bound and manage to do bits and bobs to help my DW.

If you really "need" a ham, do what we do and buy one already cooked shop bought. We like the one from Sainsbury's.

I don't think I've ever had a ham on Christmas! I can assur you I have NEVER cooked one though!

Ahhh I would be gutted if the fam wanted turkey instead of beef too! Your cooking OP cool what YOU want!

In your shoes I wouldn't be asking my DH to help, I'd be telling him it's his job this year, I'd fill my glass and sit back. Why are you the one who has to cater for his parents? Are you the family servant?

Relax about the meal and try and enjoy Christmas with your kids. How lovely for you to have 5. It must be great fun at Christmas. Stuff the ham! I always thought that was just a cheap filler to make the turkey go further anyway. Make your own traditions. I grew up in a home where Christmas dinner was always sole a la creme, steak and chips and icecream . My parents favourite meal. It never dawned on me everyone else was eating turkey!

Thanks all

Btw can you get frozen ready roasted potatoes??

Might buy some frozen Yorkshire puds, I've already cheated and bought sainsbo gravy and stuffing, I'm not against taking short cuts!

I'm sorry but I cannot move on from the fact that the pigs in blankets didn't get eaten... You do mean the little sausages wrapped in bacon don't you?

How can they not get eaten? Like seriously, they are the best bit! I reckon I could forget to do a chicken or a turkey or anything like that but as long as there were enough six little ones each then we'd all be happy.

I like them so much that I now wrap proper sausages in bacon whenever we make toad in the hole...

alpaca you're right, I bloody love pigs in blankets, to hell with it I'll buy them just for me and eat them all!

I'm so sick of reading about entitled rude relatives, deliberately useless men and women who end up putting the burden all on themselves!

OP, your PILs are unspeakably rude to express 'horror' at anything you may or may not cook for them. Cook what the fuck you want. Screw them.

You could tell your DH in advance what you're planning to buy and cook. If he doesn't like it he can bloody well buy and cook something else.

Seriously, people need to start standing up for themselves and stop letting others take the piss.

OP, your DH needs to do the cooking for his parents - you should do it together.

Making Christmas dinner is a big bloody deal and he can step up as can your PIL, who can make and bring the starter.

we are having lasagn, apple crumble and custard for pudding

Your Christmas meal sounds very like ours, except that we do have sprouts because people quite like them. But we certainly don't have starters as we're all stuffed by two courses.

And yes, the good news is that you can easily get frozen roast potatoes!

I have three phrases that will unlock this issue for you OP:
DFiL you're bringing the starter this year - you've great taste and I'm looking forward to tasting it!
There is no ham.
DH I want these vegetables prepped and ready by midday. But first pour me a glass of Champagne.

Btw can you get frozen ready roasted potatoes??

No, but Aldi do frozen Specially selected or something Goose Fat potatoes..take half an hour roughly

Yes you can get ready roasted frozen potatoes!

Buy a decent brand though. I get aunt bessies

Well I didnt start off like this.
For the first few years my MIL had me and our growing family for xmas dinner (as I live v far from my family and my dh works up to and including xmas eve as he has a couple of shops).
MIL would produce the most amazing spread, plus beautiful table complete with linen sliver etc whilst FIL sat and relaxed.
Then we started to have our own xmas meal on our own as a family cos there were so many of us and PILs would still have my bros in law.
No bros in law arecmarried and go to Their own in laws so rather than leave PILs on their own on xmas day they come to us.
I joke to my PIL that he is not to expect the same levels of catering excellence that he gets at home and have warned him that while there will be turkey there will be no ham and he appears to have accepted the situation (as he has no choice)
But for gods sake my poor MIL is 78, has polymyalgia and is in constant pain and on steroids and yet she is still stood in the kitchen fighting back the pain all so that she can make a Christmas cake and Christmas pudding just cos that's what she has always done and that's what FIL expects.
I may be a bit of a pushover on some things but I will never put myself out that much for anyone at xmas, certainly not at that age and with health complaints!

Oh got that Asda mum advert. Why not just flash up a big message saying WOMEN: OBEY THE PATRIARCHY.

It actually makes me want to cry when she gets to sit on the crappy pouffe after all that work. Oh isn't it funny that you will do all the work and be exhausted, taken for granted and then get the shit seat. That's life eh!

And her reward is to see everyone she's slaved away for lying around like slobs.