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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH told me he rates his mother's opinions more than mine

101 replies

theclick · 19/12/2016 22:21

During an argument. It was mostly over the fact that she keeps meddling in things eg our new house, basic decisions that should be all mine but she keeps sidling up to him and whispering in his ear, ltelling him what her preferences are (carpets, kettles, etc etc) when I've already told her what I've chosen.

We argued a lot as I have a general issue with how she always does this (and how he actively seeks her opinion).

Him saying this is a big deal for me and I don't think I can see a way back from it. It's annoyed me to the extent I've put him in the spare room.

What would you do?

OP posts:
DailyFail1 · 19/12/2016 22:24

Someone who constantly sides with his mum over his wife isn't a capable husband in my book. Leave him.

UnmentionedElephantDildo · 19/12/2016 22:24

Why are the household decisions all yours?

Sounds a bit of a crap imbalance tbh.

Original poster
theclick · 19/12/2016 22:24

Should add that im hormonal and just want to scream anyway which hasn't helped.

OP posts:
Original poster
theclick · 19/12/2016 22:26

They're not, but we are meant to be making them together and instead of doing just that, he always asks her opinion too (her taste is shit) and if I say no to something to her, she just goes and asks him what he thinks (like a child who has had mum say no so she asks Dad).

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 19/12/2016 22:26

Flowers Your relationship will never work. Don't waste any more time swimming against the tide. It's exhausting and you never get anywhere.

nickelbabeinamanger · 19/12/2016 22:26

YANBU.
He needs to man up and accept that you're his wife, and his mum is not.

If it helps, my sister is divorcing her husband mainly because he won't leave his mum's apron pocket

MrsDustyBusty · 19/12/2016 22:27

If he's asking for her opinion, you can't blame her for giving it.

Ultimately, I'm sure once you tire of it, they'll be very happy together.

Oysterbabe · 19/12/2016 22:27

I was with a mummy's boy for a while and it was fucking awful. You need to tell him to grow up or get out.

ZeViteVitchofCwismas · 19/12/2016 22:27

Him saying this is a big deal, is this how he plans to live the rest of his life with you? Basically living with him mum still but using you?

Love51 · 19/12/2016 22:28

Ask him if his mum thinks it was a good idea that he said that out loud?

Cookingongas · 19/12/2016 22:28

Ultimately, I'm sure once you tire of it, they'll be very happy together.

^

In spades.

ivykaty44 · 19/12/2016 22:29

So rather than have his own opinion he relies on his mother's opinion...?

OliviaBensonOnAGoodDay · 19/12/2016 22:29

I'd honestly leave him and I rarely say that.

PickAChew · 19/12/2016 22:30

Tell him to fuck off back home, then.

mummypeepee · 19/12/2016 22:30

My DH's response was why has he tried to talk himself out of DTD for
The next 10 years 😂

napmeistergeneral · 19/12/2016 22:30

YABU for saying you're "hormonal". This sort of language simply encourages women to dismiss their anger as hysterical or uncontrollable or somehow not legitimate. You're legitimately pissed off because of what your DH said. A grown man cares more about what mummy thinks than his life partner? Insulting to you, insulting to your partnership.

ZeViteVitchofCwismas · 19/12/2016 22:31

YY Nap.

Bluntness100 · 19/12/2016 22:31

basic decisions that should be all mine

SexTrainGlue · 19/12/2016 22:32

In deciding his opinion he can consult whoever he likes.

So him asking for advice really shouldn't be an issue.

Her sulking when you tell her to her face that you don't like her taste may or may not be reasonable - depending on how you tell her. You sound a bit blunt on this thread. Are you terse with her too?

TrojanWhore · 19/12/2016 22:34

"basic decisions that should be all mine"

This is bollocks

"Should add that im hormonal"

This isn't a get out of jail free card.

Bluntness100 · 19/12/2016 22:34

YABU for saying you're "hormonal"

SheldonCRules · 19/12/2016 22:36

Why are all the decisions yours? They are clearly not joint as you say "all mine".

I don't get why adults are not allowed to seek opinions, be close to etc their parent the moment they get a partner. A parent should always be more important than a spouse.

SailingThroughTime · 19/12/2016 22:40

'I've put him in the spare room.'
Hmmm.

napmeistergeneral · 19/12/2016 22:41

She says DH so I assume they've know each other longer than moments, Sheldon. You don't have to rank your nearest and dearest but if you decided to get married and become a new family unit, that family unit will only function healthily if the two founding members respect each other above all others in matters pertaining to that family unit. Its perfectly possible to cherish their parents while being in an independent partnership and family unit. One does not preclude the other.

UnmentionedElephantDildo · 19/12/2016 22:43

"A parent should always be more important than a spouse"

I don't agree with that, partly because there should never be any need for that level of opposition that a choice is forced. Though of chips are really down then yes, one cleaves to spouse.

But this is choice of kettle, not existential angst. If he wants to ask his mum, why the hell shouldn't he?

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