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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I'm invisible!!

46 replies

McHammersTrousers · 19/12/2016 22:10

I'm feeling a bit down and sorry for myself.

I used to get plenty of attention on a night out, but now nobody notices. I realised that I'm finally getting old and it's starting to show.

I'm happily married, so would never act on it, but it's always nice to be paid a compliment.

The last time I went out I just felt completely invisible. I felt so old (I'm in my early 30's), and it's like I almost wasn't there at all.

Please tell me it gets better.

Feeling extremely sorry for myself and also a bit nostalgic for the good old days...

OP posts:

cazzyc · 19/12/2016 22:13

I think you're crazy. You are looking back on those days with rose-tinted spectacles. Would it really transform your life to have somebody letch on you? Look at what you have and be grateful for it.

Bluntness100 · 19/12/2016 22:14

I don't understand this. Why are you not getting attention any more? You're not old. You're in your early 30s.

I'm 47 and still get atfention. From men younger and older than me. Unwanted but flattering, complimentary attention.

Do you have maybe a confidence issue or self esteem?

chickenowner · 19/12/2016 22:18

TBH I like that fact that I'm more invisible these days! I'm 42, I have a DP who loves me (and is 10 years older than me, so can't believe his luck!), and I don't really care what other men think about my appearance!

DailyFail1 · 19/12/2016 22:19

I'm sure you must be getting some attention, you just havent noticed it or recognised it for what it is.

phoenix1973 · 19/12/2016 22:20

It doesn't get better. Sorry. I became invisible the moment I had a child.

I hate ageing the only good thing is your ego diminishes so you care a little less. If I had the same level of angst about my looks and figure now as I did as a teenager, I would top myself over the sagging and lines.

NavyandWhite · 19/12/2016 22:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

McHammersTrousers · 19/12/2016 22:24

I do have very low self esteem, but I think the main issue is that I realise that I'm starting to get old. I'm past my prime and can't do what I'd like to do with my life. I'm grateful for everything I have, it's just the realisation that I'm not young and carefree anymore, and can't fulfill my 'bucket list'.

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 19/12/2016 22:26

Why can't you fullfill your bucket list? You're not remotely past your prime. I think your low self esteem is talking. Can you do something to help you boost it?

Pettywoman · 19/12/2016 22:28

Yes it gets better. I'm 42 and I fucking love being invisible. No unwanted attention from fuckwit blokes.

Original poster

McHammersTrousers · 19/12/2016 22:30

I have a child now (nearly 2) and I feel like my life is on hold. I want to travel and enjoy life whilst I'm still young enough to enjoy it. My dh says it's tough. That's just how it is and I need to accept the fact that I won't have a 'life' for at least 17 years. I'm not ready to just accept it.

OP posts:

Foldedtshirt · 19/12/2016 22:31

Your situation pretty much defines self esteem and why it's important. Don't outsource your feelings of self worth.

notagiraffe · 19/12/2016 22:32

What on earth is on your bucket list that it involves being leered at by strangers to allow you to fulfill it?

I'm twenty years older than you and promise you, it's when you hit fifty that you really become invisible. But I do stuff from my bucket list all the time. Fun stuff, challenging stuff, things I thought were impossible dreams. And they're a hell of a lot more interesting that being letched by drunks in bars.

chickenowner · 19/12/2016 22:33

pettywoman exactly! I had far too much unwanted attention when I was younger and slimmer and more gorgeous.

PacificDogwod · 19/12/2016 22:34

Nope, nothing to do with age, and all to do with attitude and confidence.

I bet Helen Mirren gets plenty of attention!

Spend more attention on yourself, like yourself, or even love yourself, and others will notice you too, honest.

PacificDogwod · 19/12/2016 22:37

I'm 50 and I have just found my mojo again [again].
Youngest DS is 6, have been married for almost 20 years, things have been tough for a few years.

I fucking love to no longer be dependent on what others think of me, my hair, my mack-up (or lack thereof) and whether my clothes are 'appropriate' for my station in life.

You are still looking after a baby. Cut yourself some slack.
How is it that men rarely feel 'invisible'? It's not like they turn in to oil paintings in their middle years, is it?

Hold you head high, have a laugh, do stuff you've always wanted to do and forget about 'attention'. And, you watch, you'll suddenly get it!

Balanced12 · 19/12/2016 22:38

Erm why do you need compliment's from others ? You need to find a healthier way to build yourself up, you don't want to be that women who doesn't count it as a good night unless some creep has tried it on!

Bluntness100 · 19/12/2016 22:38

Why can't you travel and enjoy life with a child? Do you have financial constraints? My daughter had been all over with us, in fact taking a kid with you is often not that more expensive.

Do you maybe have post natal depression? I'd have a word with your gp. A child is hard work sure, but also a huge plus in your life. I struggle to think of much you can't do with one, all you need to do is plan better.

mumofthemonsters808 · 19/12/2016 22:50

Give over, you're still young, you don't need validating by some random man, you need to be comfortable and happy in your own skin.If male attention really does matter to you, try socialising in an older environment.Im 45 and seem to have a huge following amongst men aged 60 plus,

GrandDesespoir · 19/12/2016 23:38

I assume someone forced you to have a child?

Your DH seems to have some sense.

FurryDogMother · 20/12/2016 00:00

Blinkin' 'eck - I'm 57 and I don't feel invisible :) Happily married but still capable of a good night out, having a laugh with people of various genders. Sure, I don't look like I did when I was in my 20s and 30s, but who does? I never really been one for conforming, and now I'm happy to be a little eccentric in dress and attitude - it's fun! Of course you can have a life whilst being a mum at the same time. My next bucket list thing is going to see a rather heavy electronic/futurepop band which I've loved for years - my last BL thing was seeing a performance at the Globe. Get out there and seize life!

haveacupoftea · 20/12/2016 00:04

Sounds like you are missing fun and flirtation more than anything else! Get date nights with DH on the go.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 20/12/2016 00:14

If your marriage is so Bliss. It rightly or wrongly begs the question of. Why are you seeking validation from strangers.
I'd understand it from an 18 year old or even a 40 year old. If no man had ever looked at you, but not from a "happily" married women.

DonaldStott · 20/12/2016 00:18

I mirror the pp's. I hardly go out anymore, but when I do, it's for a catch up, a laugh, not looking for someone to find me attractive. Your problem is not that you're not attractive. It's why are you seeking thos validation?

DonaldStott · 20/12/2016 00:18

*this

notrocketscience · 20/12/2016 00:21

Furry is banging that nail right on the head. She sounds awesome and someone you'd want to spend time with. It's attitude. Read "French women don't get facelifts". There are beautiful women in their eighties. Take a look at this weeks MOS (fail on sunday) where there is an article about just such a lady. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. I'm loads older than you and I'm always getting attention but then I don't need it to validate myself. I like who I am and I get more confident with age.

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