To be upset about photos related to his late wife on FB?

[Festiveandfedup]

I've been dating a man for the past 18 months who is a widower (4 years). The relationship is great but I have points where things upset me and I don't know if I'm being unreasonable.

Basically, in the time we've been together he's posted a handful of photos related to his late wife on FB, only at significant dates. He does it sensitively, just posts a photo, no gushing comments or anything, which I have seen other widowed people do, even when they are in new relationships.

The things is, each time, I have felt very upset by it. It's not so much the photos themselves, but the comments they prompt from friends/family etc as it makes me feel like to the outside world he is still seen as part of 'them'. He hasn't ever posted photos of us together, although I know his late wife's family know about me. He doesn't post a lot generally though.

Pretty much all is FB friends will have known, been friends with, or be related to his late wife.

I just find it very hurtful that there is nothing on his page to reflect that he has had many happy times with me in the last 18 months, but instead it's almost like a memorial page. I'd be fine with I him posting things on these dates if there was just a little bit of balance, and I suppose, an acknowledgement that I exist. We take loads of photos when we are together and he regularly talks about ones that he likes of me etc.

I'm prepared to be told if I'm being unreasonable or insensitive.

I lost one of my best friends at age 33. She left behind a husband and a young child.

He often speaks about her to his new partner and posts things online. He uses it as a way to capture moments. Probably to vent or show their son when he's older. Either way it was a devastating time and YABU to think that everyone copes with grief in the same way. Do you need something on Facebook to remind you that your relationship is wonderful? If you do, speak with your partner, he probably thinks just telling you he loves you is enough without the need to post a photo on Facebook.

I think being the partner of someone who lost their previous partner by death is one of the most complex and difficult relationships possible.

I think if you'd posted saying that a new DP was talking/sharing photos and memories about a past DP that was still alive people would say that he was overstepping the mark. Its not the frequency but the concept. I totally understand where you are coming from.

My late DH will always be the love of my life and is the father of my children. My new OH accepts this. A marriage of 27 years, only finished by sudden death, is not recovered from in a few years. It would only be disrespectful if my new OH was unaware of this. It would be stupid to imply that we would be together my DH was still alive. It might not be ideal but it is the truth. Personally I feel you have to be truthful in these situations.

Well your new OH is a lot more understanding than most Redsrule but if my DP said that to me about his deceased wife I certainly wouldn't be bothered to stick around to permanently be in second place.