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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I was late home, AIBU?

83 replies

OnionKnight · 19/12/2016 17:36

I'll preface this by saying that I have a physical disability which means that I cannot text whilst standing up.

This evening I finished work at 15:00 with the intention of getting the quarter past bus, my wife was at home as she'd done a half day. The bus station was very busy and there were no seats available so I stood around waiting. The bus didn't turn up until after 15:35 and it was rammed, luckily I got a seat but there were people in the gangway leaning on me, my bag was on my lap and so and I couldn't get my phone out of my pocket to text my wife to let her know that I'd be late home.

I get home at 16:30 and she goes ballistic, saying that she thought I'd been hurt and that I was laying in the road, she admits she panicked Hmm

Was I being U by not texting her (not that I physically could) or does she need to chill out and remember that I'm an adult and that if she can get shite bus service, so can I?

OP posts:
ElspethFlashman · 19/12/2016 17:38

No one should be freaking out at 4.30pm.

Does she have anxiety issues?

Blueskyrain · 19/12/2016 17:38

She needs to chill out. It was 4.30 not midnight.

FunkyDancingMonkey · 19/12/2016 17:39

Sounds like she has anxiety issues.

NavyandWhite · 19/12/2016 17:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

haveacupoftea · 19/12/2016 17:42

If she was that bothered couldn't she have rung to see if you were lying in the road hurt? She sounds quite controlling.

Feelinglikeafailure · 19/12/2016 17:44

So you were 20-25minutes late??

She needs to get a bloody grip on herself! Has she always been this controlling?

Original poster
OnionKnight · 19/12/2016 17:44

I didn't think that she has anxiety but now I'm thinking something isn't quite right, it was not normal behaviour at all. She has a habit of blowing up over minor things.

OP posts:
NavyandWhite · 19/12/2016 17:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MadameJosephine · 19/12/2016 17:46

What time do you usually get home? As I read that it looks like the bus was only 20 minutes late. It would drive me bonkers of my partner 'went ballistic' if I was 20 minutes later than usual. Total overreaction

Original poster
OnionKnight · 19/12/2016 17:46

She text me once whilst I was on the bus, not that I could have responded.

She ended up screaming at me that she'll deliberately come home late to see how I like it Hmm

OP posts:
TobleroneBoo · 19/12/2016 17:48

Yes she has overreacted, but it sounds like you could have text her from the bus, especially if your bag was on your lap. Surely no bus is that cramped, you would have had to have someone actually sat on you to prevent that?

Original poster
OnionKnight · 19/12/2016 17:48

I normally leave at half three and if the buses are running okay I get home just after four, she's normally still at work at that point though.

OP posts:
NavyandWhite · 19/12/2016 17:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
OnionKnight · 19/12/2016 17:49

Toblerone I have a physical disability and my bag was blocking access to my pocket where my phone was.

OP posts:
delilahbucket · 19/12/2016 17:49

Gosh I thought you were going to say you were supposed to be home by 9 but crawled in at 4am!
Your wife does need to get a grip if you're late by 20 minutes during the day and she's panicking.

BeastofChristmasIsland · 19/12/2016 17:50

YADNBU! You got home at 4.30pm, about 20 minutes after you usually do. When I saw the title I thought you were going to say you went out for one drink in the evening and got home at 4.30am or something. That is definitely not a normal reaction.

Muddlingthroughtoo · 19/12/2016 17:50

That's really bizarre behaviour! 20 mins is barely late at all. When you travel by rail everyday 20 mins late is practically early!

MrsBlennerhassett · 19/12/2016 17:50

that does sound like she has an anxiety issue.
I would be slightly worried if my husband was an hour late from work, if that was unusual but i certainly wouldnt go ballistic or even really mention it if he explained when he came in.
The only time ive behaved like that was when i was pregnant and did have anxiety issues (imagining he was dead in the road etc)
So to me it does sound like she may have an anxiety issue. Is there any reason she might have that? Has she had anything bad happen to her, is she under stress?
Think you need to have a non confrontational conversation with her about why it upset her so much that you were late.

TobleroneBoo · 19/12/2016 17:51

I see, I had misread - my apologies!

BeastofChristmasIsland · 19/12/2016 17:52

She ended up screaming at me that she'll deliberately come home late to see how I like it

If my DP did that to me, let alone after I was 20 MINUTES late home in the middle of the afternoon I would tell him not to fucking bother coming home at all.

Original poster
OnionKnight · 19/12/2016 17:52

I guess so Navy, she's always been very quick to anger, emotional and prone to panicking over incredibly minor things like when there's no room left in the freezer because she ordered too much food.

OP posts:
Mishegoss · 19/12/2016 17:53

Yanbu but I have done this to my OH. He had a motorbike accident, he was stuck under a car and everything so if he's more than 15/20 minutes late I always imagine he's had another accident and I get really worried. I've explained this though and do try to work on it so he understands. She at least owes you a decent explanation so you know she's not just being horrible!

Soubriquet · 19/12/2016 17:54

Ok I think she's over reacting badly.

I had a major freak out once but that was a bit more understandable

Dh used to usually finish work at 10. 11 at the latest.

He doesn't have a phone so by midnight I was starting to worry. He cycles to work and I had started panicking he had been hit by a car

Come 1.15am I was nearly beside myself.

He finally walked through the door at 1.30am after doing some overtime

He thought I would be asleep so didn't think twice about it.

Took me a while to calm down and he apologised over and over again

I look back now and feel Embarassed but compared to your partner I think mine was more justified

NavyandWhite · 19/12/2016 17:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OrianaBanana · 19/12/2016 17:56

I was going to say, I don't know the nature of your disability of course but is it possible it made her more concerned about you being hurt and/or unable to get home? Apologies if that sounds patronising, it's not meant to it's just a possible explanation for her behaviour.