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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I've left the washing up on his chair

97 replies

Grumpybear16 · 18/12/2016 06:27

Aibu? Background info is we have 2 small boys aged 2.5 and 7 months. I'm on maternity leave and DH works full time and goes to the gym most evenings. He also eats separately from us as he says he needs more protein. Every morning I get up to his washing up and the kitchen a mess. I do it because I can't stand the mess. Yesterday I took the boys to my Mums for the day and I came back last night to piles of washing up/mess on his computer desk. I asked him last night to wash it up and this morning it's still there. Instead of doing the usual I have piled it all on his chair so when he wants to go on his computer he'll have to deal with that first (I don't expect him to wash it up and there'll probably be an argument). I'm planning on starting to pile it in his car or even just chucking the whole lot away so he has to wash things up before using it, I'm that sick of it. Aibu to just leave it there? Should I warn him first? Wwyd?

OP posts:
Ohdearducks · 18/12/2016 06:42

Yes leave it, you're not his maid or housekeeper so don't let him treat you like one. He keeps doing it because he knows you'll eventually clear it up, break the cycle.

TheMaddHugger · 18/12/2016 06:44

Good Luck sweetie. I have no polite advice ((((((((Hugs))))))))))

periwinklepickspoppies · 18/12/2016 06:46

Don't ask him to wash up, tell him. He isn't doing you a favour by washing up so don't frame it as one.

NiceFalafels · 18/12/2016 06:49

Good on you? Does he do nothing at all domestically? What a selfish tot!

bibbitybobbityyhat · 18/12/2016 06:50

Yes, leave it there. Does he actually spend any time with you and the dc? It all sounds rather grim.

GreatFuckability · 18/12/2016 06:50

Id stick a lock on the cupboard and don't give him a key. Then if he wants a plate....not your problem.

overthehillandroundthemountain · 18/12/2016 06:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ladylunchalot1 · 18/12/2016 06:52

Just wash it.. you know you will eventually lol

RubyWinterstorm · 18/12/2016 06:52

Selfish man Angry

NickyEds · 18/12/2016 06:54

YANBU. My dp won't wash up and it's unbelievably fucking annoying.

Mindtrope · 18/12/2016 06:57

He sounds more interested in himself and his body than his family.
Were you the poster who complained about your OH eating all the food in the fridge?

He sounds a catch.

bloodymaria · 18/12/2016 06:58

He sounds like a knob! Yanbu

UnicornInDMboots · 18/12/2016 07:11

Yanbu!!!!!
And if he is that averse to washing up he could spend less money on the gym and protein ....and buy a dishwasher

zen1 · 18/12/2016 07:15

YANBU. How do you put up with him? What does he contribute?

Nemesia · 18/12/2016 07:18

Do you share a bed? If you don't, pile all his stuff in his bed then spread the duvet back over. If he wants to sleep then he has to deal with it.

cheekyfunkymonkey · 18/12/2016 07:18

He is clearly working on the theory that if he leaves it long enough you'll do it.

Mindtrope · 18/12/2016 07:22

You have to admire the guy- found a soft enough woman to put up with this.

Will be a really useful family dynamic to model to his sons. Hopefully they can find some soft touches too.

Kr1stina · 18/12/2016 07:24

You have a baby and a toddler and he goes out most evenings ?

I think you have a bigger problem than washing up .

LindyHemming · 18/12/2016 07:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BeingATinselTwatItsABingThing · 18/12/2016 07:29

Agree with Kr1stina

The washing up would be the nail in the coffin for me.

Takfish89 · 18/12/2016 07:32

Be sounds awful. I honestly can't understand how he thinks this is acceptable. When do you get time to exercise or have a break? Does he ever help out? Good for you for taking a stand but could I also suggest you guys consider couples therapy. From the very very small snap shop you have posted it sounds like your communication has really broken doen. A big good luck xx

EnormousTiger · 18/12/2016 07:35

I suspect if you were back at work (I was full time by 7 months) this would all sort itself out. You would be swanning off to the gym every other night and he would be tackling washing after work.

Get back to fairness in terms of income and duties and things will settle down. Money always talks. I found earning 10x my husband worked very well indeed.

Mindtrope · 18/12/2016 07:39

I suspect if you were back at work (I was full time by 7 months) this would all sort itself out.

So going back to work will stop him from being a knob?

What a simplistic view.

Original poster
Grumpybear16 · 18/12/2016 07:41

Thanks everyone. I think sometimes you need to write it down to realise just how bad something is. He literally does nothing and when he does he goes on about it for weeks. He even said once "you've got all day to do it!"

You're right Kr1stina, there's so much I don't even know where to start.

Nemesia - we don't! It had crossed my mind 😄

OP posts:
ZuzaPa · 18/12/2016 07:44

YANBU. You are his wife, not his mother. He sounds selfish & self serving & like he is not a participant in your family at all. Does he help at home at all? Does he spend time with the kids?