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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want my dd to keep being paired up with the only boy in her dance class?

34 replies

juney6 · 17/12/2016 20:17

he is her age and the only boy in their dance class, she is 12 and feels uncomfortable with it. they pair up to help with the stretches etc. but who will the boy pair up with? is that really her problem though? i think all the girls would be uncomfy with it, as they touch legs etc.

AIBU?

OP posts:
marvelousdcomics · 17/12/2016 20:19

Yabu if it is just you that is uncomfortable with it because he is a boy. They're 12...

But, seeing as your dd is uncomfortable with it then yanbu

MammaTJ · 17/12/2016 20:20

Maybe the teacher thinks that as boys in a dance class are more of a rarity, it is a privilege for her to be paired up with him.

I would suggest that the honour gets shared out among the girls and see how that goes.

I do think that it is a little bit of an over reaction to 'touching legs' though!

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 17/12/2016 20:21

What kind of dancing is this?

Are the other girls never asked to pair up with this boy? If your daughter is the only girl ever asked to pair with him, then you may have a point (I'm guessing she is asked due to a similarity in height?) Is it only stretches they do together, or do they do routines together as well?

Depending on the type of dancing, is it the case that if your daughter progresses, she would be expected to partner a male at some point?

FizzBombBathTime · 17/12/2016 20:21

Yeah she might catch boy germs.

YABU.

🙄

Original poster
juney6 · 17/12/2016 20:22

its dd who is uncomfortable with it though? he pairs with the other girls sometimes for stretches but for dances its always with dd, i think she is at the age where she doesnt like it

OP posts:
CauliflowerSqueeze · 17/12/2016 20:25

Tell the dance teacher she feels a little uncomfortable and could the pairings be switched around more often so they have a range of partners and therefore wouldn't be made obvious

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 17/12/2016 20:26

As she is around puberty and says she feels uncomfortable about it then I think you need to have a word with the dance teacher. Basically she isn't consenting to being touched on the legs by a male, and it's important that she doesn't have her 'autonomy' over-ruled IMO.

CauliflowerSqueeze · 17/12/2016 20:30

I'm not sure how much it is about her "consenting to be touched by a male" - it's a dance class and pairings will need to touch each other, unless it's some kind of non-contact line dancing club.

Original poster
juney6 · 17/12/2016 20:32

its ballet and contemporary

OP posts:
corythatwas · 17/12/2016 20:34

This seems to be a situation arising out of there being only one boy in the class, which makes it more of a strange thing. In the dance classes/drama groups dd attended there were more, which I think normalised the whole thing: everybody was just aware that doing a dance routine was different from any sexual/personal touching. After all, that is what a lot of Western dancing is like- touching random males in a mainly non-sexual manner.

Christmasnoooooooooooo · 17/12/2016 20:36

I think you and daughter need a long talk . Does dd want be a dancer or does she want give up . As dancer men and boys will be touching her alot and if she uncomfortable with it she might as well give up now. If she wants to a dancer she needs to get used it

corythatwas · 17/12/2016 20:41

I agree with Christmas, actually. Even if she doesn't want to be a dancer, she will soon be moving onto a stage where it is about lifts, and it would be very unfair to expect a girl to do those (and risk damaging her back), just because your dd has odd ideas about boys. If she is that awkward about her body, dancing might become very difficult.

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 17/12/2016 20:43

That may well be the answer - explain that it's part and parcel of dancing, but are you prepared for her to choose to give up dancing at 12 because she doesn't like the physical contact? It may turn out to be something she grows through as she matures after all.

SisterViktorine · 17/12/2016 20:50

What is she going to do when they start pas de deux work and a male ballet dancer has his hands in all sorts of odd and intimate places!

Has she watched any ballet to see how it is?

randomeragain · 17/12/2016 20:52

This reply has been deleted

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SisterViktorine · 17/12/2016 20:56

Shock Grin

to not want my dd to keep being paired up with the only boy in her dance class?
pipsqueak25 · 17/12/2016 20:57

random wtf ? op have a talk with your dd about this, bearing in mind the sensible responses on here and she what she thinks

OurBlanche · 17/12/2016 20:58

Ballet and contemporary?

Considering the clothing and holds she is going to progress to I suspect she will have to get over this, or change activity!

If she is uncomfortable... and is not simply reflecting back your feelings about it... then you will need to brooch this with her. Youtube could be your best friend here.

pipsqueak25 · 17/12/2016 20:59

slightly are you prepared to let her give dancing up ? dd's choice isn't it, not the parents.

mumofthemonsters808 · 17/12/2016 20:59

Turn this around, your Dd is being given a valuable opportunity that her fellow dancers are not, she is getting used to being in close proximity with a male partner, she will not experiences feelings of awkwardness the more they interact and her confidence grows. If she is serious about dance, the sooner she becomes comfortable with this the better, it really does come with the territory.

I know how she feels though, I attend a kick boxing class and when I was first paired with a fit young lad for the warm up I was mortified, I don't even blink now (even though I feel sorry for them that they've got me).

corythatwas · 17/12/2016 21:01

Also, if she does drama at secondary, or takes part in the school play, would she expect any couples in the play to be half in drag? Because that seems quite unlikely to happen.

CauliflowerSqueeze · 17/12/2016 21:03

I can see why she feels awkward if it's always her. Just needs a word in the teacher's ear.

whyohwhy000 · 17/12/2016 21:05

Is this you OP?

corythatwas · 17/12/2016 21:07

Agree with Cauliflower that if the problem is that she feels singled out, then a quick word wouldn't hurt.

But if the general tone among her friends is that you can't even touch a boy for a practical purpose like a dance routine, then I would have a gentle word with dd and suggest that she and her friends are being a bit childish: that is the kind of silliness I'd associate with 6yos ("boy germs") rather than with 12yos.

OurBlanche · 17/12/2016 21:09

Yes, whyowhy it is! The username blunder gives that away!

Mmm!