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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To sometimes have a takeaway.

103 replies

QueenOfTheFuckingWorld · 16/12/2016 10:12

Sometimes, when we feel like it DH and I have a takeaway, even though there is perfectly edible food in the fridge.

Unfortunately the PIL have got wind of this, and as a result we, well me really (because woman = cook Angry ) are being accused of being profligate, wasteful and thoughtless.

It's such a petty thing, but they bring it up nearly every time we see them!
So IABU?

OP posts:
SpookyPotato · 16/12/2016 12:27

I can't stand these people particularly in the older generation who think everyone should be toiling all the time, or it's pointless. Life is getting easier in many ways and this is how it should be.. more time to enjoy other things.

LottieDoubtie · 16/12/2016 12:53

Ultimately you have to feel sad for people who value themselves so little that they can't bring themselves to spend money they have on enjoying life or making things easier. It's definitely their issue not yours.

YoHoHoandabottleofTequila · 16/12/2016 12:56

This is similar to my mil every time I see her asking when we're going to get the windows cleaned/clear out the spare room/phoned about this and that, as if what goes on in my house and when we do it is any of her business. It drives me bonkers. And it's worse as I like her and can't do anything about it. Whole new thread.

BiddyPop · 16/12/2016 12:57

I grew up living out in the sticks and in a household with no spare cash, and a SAHM. So takeaways were almost non-existent.

In my case, I live in the city but still have a 45-60 minute commute each way. DH and I both work FT in stressful jobs. We have more disposable income than our DPs would be used to. We can both cook, pretty well. But there are nights we do resort to the takeaway for reasons mentioned above (cold, tired, wet, fucking exhausted, DD being a pain in the ass and not eating what's in the fridge, don't fancy whats in the fridge ourselves, very short time between commitments etc).

Leftover food gets used up mostly - we freeze a lot, get creative on other nights, eat tonight's planned dinner tomorrow, etc. And we often freeze the 1/3 of a portion of curry that might be left, which DD will have for dinner another night that she doesn't want what we're having. We actually throw out a LOT less than DMIL does, and always have done.

DM gave me a lecture the other night about "staying safe" getting the train home from a Christmas do. I was getting my usual train just later, from my usual station, late evening (8/9pm) rather than late night, and I am always ready to get a taxi if I've had too much to drink or feel in any way unsafe. But I have been looking after myself, and using a lot of public transport, since I left home in my early 20s (so more than 20 years) and DM just cannot get her head around either not always getting a taxi OR (preferably) DH coming to collect me (when DD is at home asleep in bed). She also got a shock when she realized we don't drop or collect each other from the airport - DH travels almost every week, and I have a reasonable amount just now again, both at unsocial hours, and we are perfectly happy to either drive ourselves, get a taxi or use public transport if timings suit - rather than get DD out of bed at 4am! But they are used to driving everywhere, whereas we are used to a balanced mix of transport as cars are really not great into the city!

golfbuggy · 16/12/2016 13:02

Well, takeaways are more expensive than cooking from scratch and are not a "necessity".

In our house we have a certain amount of budget (after bills etc are accounted for) that we can spend on "fun" stuff. In theory takeaways fall into this category but we'd rather spend the money on (say) a day out so would very rarely have a takeaway.

Is it something like that that your PIL are getting at i.e. that just randomnly spending money on a takeaway just because you fancy it, is stopping you spending on other things? Of course if money is no object it's not an issue - but for most people money is limited and if you total up the amount you spend on takeaway is that money you'd rather spend elsewhere?

ChiefClerkDrumknott · 16/12/2016 13:23

golfbuggy But WTF has that got to do with the PILs? You may prefer to spend your spare money on days out but that's your choice. If OP prefers to spend it on a takeaway then that's her, surely?

golfbuggy · 16/12/2016 14:10

It's got nothing to do with the PILs but if we never commented on each other's lifestyles wouldn't life be boring?

Personally I have a friend who spends a fortune on shoes and handbags but bemoans the fact she can't afford x,y and z. So, yes, she's a good enough friend for me to point out there is a potential solution there.

Does OP ever complain about not being able to afford things to her PIL? Don't know, I'm just conjecturing - but that is what most of AIBU is about!

Catlady1976 · 16/12/2016 14:35

I get this with SIL. Dh let slip that on our last self catering holiday we ate out or git takeaways each night. Dh prefers it. SIL git really judge with me not her db of course. As cooking is my job 365 days per year of course as I am virtually a Sah.

Catlady1976 · 16/12/2016 14:36

Got not git.

Hoppinggreen · 16/12/2016 14:39

I think a lot of it is generational.
If I've ever suggested a takeaway to my mum it's as if I've asked to her bare her arse in Sainsbos. Going out for a meal fine but takeaway not.
We rarely have one but only because it's always disappointing

MrsJayy · 16/12/2016 14:42

bare her arse in sainsbury Grin you are probably right my parents would rather eat out than get a takeaway

Princesspinkgirl · 16/12/2016 15:32

Me and DP have a takeaway 1-2 a week other than that I cook I had his parents say to us once well your wasting alot of money of takeaways I deserve a break from cooking dam it lol honestly there's nothing wrong with having takeaway

SapphireStrange · 16/12/2016 15:49

It's got nothing to do with the PILs but if we never commented on each other's lifestyles wouldn't life be boring?

I have quite an exciting life and I don't comment on whether people have too many takeaways or not. Somehow I find other things to talk about.

garbagegirl · 16/12/2016 15:54

#1 time I am most likely to order a chinese takeaway is after a big food shop. I just CBA to cook after traipsing the shops.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 16/12/2016 15:56

I can't tell you how excited we were as kids to have a takeaway. Pizza and chips, we usually had. And I always thought my parents were really exotic and sophisticated for having curries. Grin

LittleBooInABox · 16/12/2016 16:06

YANBU

Said as me and DS are stood in a takeaway waiting for our burgers and chips.

WhereYouLeftIt · 16/12/2016 16:13

"They just like commenting on our wanton lifestyle"
In which case I might go with 'And your point would be ...?' (copyright Niles Crane in 'Frasier')

Violetcharlotte · 16/12/2016 16:20

Really?? Getting a takeaway now and then is normal I think, especially when you're busy or just a can't be arsed to cook Are they quite right with money in general?

oldlaundbooth · 16/12/2016 16:22

Wonton lifestyle Grin

Bada boom

oldlaundbooth · 16/12/2016 16:25

But it's funny how fish and chips do not count in the 'takeaway' category for PIL's...

GoofyTheHero · 16/12/2016 16:31

It's got nothing to do with the PILs but if we never commented on each other's lifestyles wouldn't life be boring?

Nah, I manage to have a pretty fulfilling life without giving a shit about anyone else's lifestyle!

PeachBellini123 · 16/12/2016 16:36

Got a craving for chinese food now...

I remember taking MIL to our local. She was appalled how much a glass of wine costs and loves to bring up what a waste of money it is going out for a drink etc, etc.
It baffles me as DH and I aren't big drinkers (especially since I've been pregnant) and we are financially solvent. But she really has a bee in her bonnet about us going out for a drink Hmm

GreyBird84 · 16/12/2016 16:42

We're doing this a lot because I'm pregnant & raw meat makes me ill.
DH doesn't do cooking so be buys the takeaways!

Its a waste of money but it's short term. I do tend to hide this from my mother though! Feels guilty & lazy when we could use the money better elsewhere but hey ho!

UnexplainedOnHerCollar · 16/12/2016 16:51

My mum and stepdad have a fit of pique every time they have a coffee out, that they are being royally ripped off because the coffee and milk etc cannot have cost more than (they work it out) 24p or whatever.

They don't seem to get that you are paying for someone to make it for you and wash up and to sit in a nice warm cafe.

Sallystyle · 16/12/2016 16:54

I'm now waiting for mine.

I have one every week because it gives us a break. I should say my husband really as I rarely cook now.