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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

the delivery driver just got really shitty with me!

143 replies

RentANDBills · 16/12/2016 09:54

I work as a Nanny in London, not live in but obviously I'm in the family's home for the majority of the day.
Knock on the door, delivery driver says he's got a parcel (through the cam) "for you, Darling." Very very friendly, overly so.

So I go and open the door and he says, "Actually it's for next door, Love. Can you sign for it?"
I reply that I'm really sorry, but I can't sign for parcels for the neighbours.
I'm the least confrontational person in the world and feel really awkward for saying no.

"It's only for next door, I will put a note through so they collect it later".

"I'm so sorry, I'm not allowed to take in parcels for other people. Sorry."

This isn't strictly true, I've never actually had the conversation with them but I don't feel comfortable taking in parcels which will then disturb my bosses later (as I'll be finished work when neighbour collects) and actually today specifically they are going away for 2 weeks, so no one will be in anyway.

"But its for next door. You just need to sign!" He's no longer friendly.

By this point, I'm really stressed out as he trying to push the parcel onto me and is getting very short with me.

I repeat that I'm really really sorry but I can't take it. And he gives me the filthiest look, says nothing and just storms off leaving me feeling like the most hideous person in the world.

AIBU and selfish for not taking it in? Or was the delivery driver a bit of an arsehole?

I hear enough stories on here about people being like casual sorting offices once delivery drivers have clocked that they'll take parcels in which I'm not keen on. Plus its not my house, so I don't want to take responsibility for things that I may not be able to sort out later. My bosses work hard, and I don't want to add any stress to their evenings of having to wait around for neighbours etc.

Also, this isn't really a factor, but the neighbour (who used to be really friendly) found out that I was "just Staff" and now no longer addresses me directly. Presumably because I'm beneath her. Whilst I'm not going to let this affect my behaviour, I'm not feeling too guilty for not doing her any favours - which really IS selfish. Confused Blush

OP posts:
SirChenjin · 16/12/2016 15:12

Why is it not safe to say 'I am not the homeowner and therefore I am unable to accept parcels on their behalf' - and what level of risk would be associated with telling a delivery driver that?

TwoGunslingers · 16/12/2016 15:33

sir don't even bother, MN hates all servile jobs and their workers Grin

BakeOffBiscuits · 16/12/2016 15:42

YANBU but only because your employers are going away for two weeks. If they weren't going away then I think you should have taken it in.

I feel very sorry for delivery drivers, they work ridiculously long hours, don't get paid if the people aren't in (as if that's their faultHmm) and the pay is poor. At this time of year it must all be a bit of a nightmare for them.

SirChenjin · 16/12/2016 15:43

D'oh! Completely forgot about there Wink hatred for minimum wage earners Grin

MerryMarigold · 16/12/2016 15:43

Why is it not safe to say 'I am not the homeowner and therefore I am unable to accept parcels on their behalf' - and what level of risk would be associated with telling a delivery driver that?

^^This

You don't need to say. "I'm a nanny and the owners are going away for 2 weeks."

SapphireStrange · 16/12/2016 15:47

Sir and Two, what a silly thing to say. 'MN' isn't one entity; there are many many people on here, with varying attitudes to minimum wage or 'servile jobs and their workers' Hmm.

Some people on MN are EVEN 'servile workers' and/or earn minimum wage themselves, would you believe?

LittleBooInABox · 16/12/2016 15:48

Sir i get that they have families to support and the job sucks! However being an arsehole to and trying to bully the wrong person (i.e. OP) into taking it. Is the wrong course of action.

But if you wanna put words in my mouth or take what I said out of context, you do you sweetheart

ILoveAGoodBrusselSprout · 16/12/2016 15:49

He was definitely BU, however, I hear so many stories of how delivery people are treated - having to deliver a ridiculous amount of parcels in one day, not enough breaks, 7-day weeks.

He was probably stressed and annoyed that his time was wasted and he'd lose money. Not your fault at all!

Ohdearducks · 16/12/2016 15:52

YANBU it's not your problem and he's not exactly endearing himself by trying to bully people in to taking in parcels, plus the face he lied to get you to come the door. I'm sure there are other neighbours he can try to bully ask

queenMab99 · 16/12/2016 15:58

My mother who is 93 has taken in parcels for neighbours. The problem is, she does not remember taking them in, so if neighbours had to call in for them, she would deny all knowledge of any parcel. Whenever we visit , we have to look round to make sure there are no stray parcels. We have put a notice in her front window, asking that no parcels are left there, I hope it works!

TwoGunslingers · 16/12/2016 16:02

It was just a joke...I'm sure some mn'ers like the little people just fine.

In this case instead of being offended and upset by the delivery man OP could have used her words to explain her reluctance to comply with, what for most, would be a simple act of kindness and neighbourliness.

Job done Wink

Original poster
RentANDBills · 16/12/2016 16:06

I feel very sorry for delivery drivers

To be fair, the government doesn't assign jobs out, if they're really unhappy in their role they can work towards changing jobs in 99.9% of cases.

Just to clarify I did say I wasn't allowed and he continued to push it.

Had it be my own neighbour, I would have done the kind thing and taken the parcel (regardless of whether I liked them or not) I did feel mean this morning

OP posts:
Original poster
RentANDBills · 16/12/2016 16:08

OP could have used her words to explain I really don't want to come across as argumentative but I didn't just repeat "no" over and over again.

OP posts:
TwoGunslingers · 16/12/2016 16:15

"To be fair, the government doesn't assign jobs out, if they're really unhappy in their role they can work towards changing jobs in 99.9% of cases"

Nice Hmm

SirChenjin · 16/12/2016 16:17

LittleBooInABox - if you don't want people to take your offensive posts about an entire section of the workforce out of context then you need to get better at explaining what you really mean sweetheart.

OP - I know you said you weren't allowed, but it would have been helpful to explain that you weren't the homeowner and weren't able to take parcels. Anyway, it's over and done with now - no point in replaying it and asking yourself 'what if' (and I genuinely mean that kindly Smile)

Lancelottie · 16/12/2016 16:19

Next time I suppose you could just claim to be burgling the place.

NavyandWhite · 16/12/2016 16:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pepperpot99 · 16/12/2016 16:20

yeah, it's so easy just to change jobs Hmm

Why don't you change jobs OP? seeing as your neighbours treat you like a serf.

You should have taken the parcel and not been so petty and spiteful.

MammyNeedsASpaDay · 16/12/2016 16:30

YANBU

When I was on maternity everyone took the mick and then had the nerve to get my husband to take it over to them!!

Now unless it's for either of my neighbours directly next door i say no. Funny I haven't had half as many problems!!

Original poster
RentANDBills · 16/12/2016 16:32

pepperpot99

I didn't say it was easy to change jobs.
I said that in the majority of cases it would be possible to work towards changing jobs.
I think its more insulting to assume that people in difficult jobs don't have the capacity to work at something else.
There are exceptions to this, obviously, but it is a rare case when someone genuinely has absolutely no opportunity whatsover, none at all, to work towards something different. Certainly in this country.

I also think its unfair to label me as "petty" and "spiteful" because I refused to take a parcel in that would later inconvenience my bosses and also had a strong chance of not being available to the neighbour for at least 2 weeks.
I specifically said in my OP that it was not because the neighbour was being weird with me, just that it was worth noting.
I also said later that had it been my own neighbour, I would have taken it.

And I don't change jobs because I worked very hard to be where I am, and worked a lot of shitty jobs whilst I got the relevant experience and qualifications to do the job I do now. The neighbour being snooty has very little bearing on my enjoyment of my role.

Again, apologies for being argumentative.

OP posts:
Original poster
RentANDBills · 16/12/2016 16:33

SirChenjin I don't take what you're saying badly Smile I was wary of saying I couldn't take parcels at all, in case they wouldn't let me take parcels for the household I work for! Obviously unlikely, but we do have some confidential stuff that I sign for on Boss's behalf (with permission).

OP posts:
SirChenjin · 16/12/2016 16:37
Smile

I know - it's one of those things that happens when you're trying to think on your feet and not say the wrong thing, and then you get a reaction which throws you even more. Anyway - it's Friday, it's the weekend and time to put Mr Stressed and Grumpy Delivery Driver out of your mind and relax Wine Flowers

FlouncedBack · 16/12/2016 16:40

Why is it not safe to say 'I am not the homeowner and therefore I am unable to accept parcels on their behalf' - and what level of risk would be associated with telling a delivery driver that
I didn't actually say that. I made the point that it's not a good idea to give more info out about who is in the house - which is sound advice.

FlouncedBack · 16/12/2016 16:41

*who is in the house etc

Original poster
RentANDBills · 16/12/2016 16:44

SirChenjin It's not just Friday, its the start of a 2 week annual leave!!! Wine Cake

OP posts: