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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

.. to be upset about the croissants?

122 replies

AnnaMagdalene · 15/12/2016 10:19

My partner is forgetful and scatty.

My daughter is home from university. We had arranged to have breakfast together and have croissants - the expensive kind made with French butter. My partner would make the breakfast

For the second time in the last year or so, he decided that rather than warm them in the oven he would place them under a hot grill and forget about them.

I came downstairs to a kitchen full of acrid smoke. The croissants were inedible. The house still smells of burning.

I asked my partner what he was thinking of. He said he was listening to the radio and thinking about Aleppo, so he turned the oven switch the wrong way.

I just feel tired and sad. Like giving up.

OP posts:
JosephineMaynard · 15/12/2016 10:49

Is this some sort of last straw thing, OP?

Burnt croissants are trivial in themselves (and the unintended comparisons to Aleppo aren't helping), but I know when I've been feeling overloaded, run down and unsupported, I've overreacted to similarly trivial things in the past.

Can you talk to your partner and maybe get a bit of support from him? Or take some time out to rest or do something for yourself to help you relax and recover yourself a bit?

Wookiecookies · 15/12/2016 10:50

It was the OP that referenced Aleppo. She placed the croissants and her DP being distracted by news from aleppo in the sane context.

Wookiecookies · 15/12/2016 10:51

Same

LizB62A · 15/12/2016 10:51

It sounds like the burnt croissant is just the final straw, it's not really about the croissant at all, it's about the fact that her DP is scatty and presumably does this sort of stuff all the time.
I know from experience that this can be exhausting - it's like having a small child, having to check they're not doing something stupid all the time....

harrypoooter · 15/12/2016 10:52

It's just croissants. It's just croissants. Keep repeating.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 15/12/2016 10:53

Honestly, it's not the OP being disrespectful about Aleppo.

If my DP used that as an excuse for burning something (which, she says, he's done before in exactly the same way ...), I'd be more than a bit Hmm. Cheap of him to cite an atrocity like that as an excuse for his own silly mistakes.

TheNaze73 · 15/12/2016 10:53

I think in a stable relationship, thus would have been laughed off. Is there a bigger picture??

PurpleDaisies · 15/12/2016 10:53

It's just croissants. It's just croissants. Keep repeating.

It doesn't sound like it's just croissants though. It's croissants on top of everything else.

BingBongBingBong · 15/12/2016 10:54

It's just croissants. It's just croissants. Keep repeating.

This ^

Satisfactorylemon · 15/12/2016 10:54

Op i suspect your issues are beyond burnt croissants... Brew

Satisfactorylemon · 15/12/2016 10:55

Tip of the iceberg?

KittiesInsane · 15/12/2016 10:55

Well, OP, your post has just prompted me to stop pondering stupid Christmas jumpers and send the money to the Red Cross instead (been not-getting-round-to-it for a while now). Have a croissant on me.

RubyWinterstorm · 15/12/2016 10:56

Your DH is a bit off by blaming the fact that he was listening t the news about Aleppo (and therefore could not be expected to tend to something as trivial as heating up croissants)

It would rile me tbh

I care about the awful things happening in Aleppo and Yemen, but I still don't think giving my kids their breakfast is therefore too trivial for me to bother with,

Yes, there are really and things happening in the world. Does that mean we should give up having breakfast, showering, showing our partners a bit of courtesy?

It's like he uses "Aleppo" to make the OP feel petty and uncaring to boot.

That's the bit that sucks.

It's passive aggressive shite, which incidentally does not help anyone in Aleppo, or his own home.

HermioneJeanGranger · 15/12/2016 10:57

Yes, she referenced Aleppo, because that's what was on the news when her partner was too scatty to stop the croissants from burning!

She's not saying her breakfast is more important...

ChardonnayKnickertonSmythe · 15/12/2016 10:57

From crass ants to Aleppo in one smooth move.
Didn't realise it could be done.

KurriKurri · 15/12/2016 10:57

Actually I think when you have repeatedly asked someone to do something in a particular way because their way will ruin it. It is justifiable to be upset - there is very little if any difference in attention required to pop croissants in the oven rather than under the grill (in fact less as you don;t have to watch them)

In this situation the situation is a totally separate issue - who knows if he even was thinking about Aleppo ?

I imagine everyone who has the slightest drop of humanity in them is distressed by what is happening to the people in Aleppo - it is truly horrifying.

But condemning people for mentioning things other than that situation is ridiculous. Things happen and are of varying importance - you cannot go on every single thread and shout 'Aren't there more important things happening in the world' of course there are, but shouting about it when someone comes onto a public forum with a minor everyday problem doesn't help anyone.
It doesn't mean you care more about Aleppo than anyone else, it doesn't mean people who are willing to take a few seconds to talk about croissants are unfeeling idiots, and less aware than you.

Threads about Aleppo are the places to share our outrage and sorrow about what is happening in Syria, that is where thoughts can be discussed and sadness expressed, and information about how to help shared.

Coming on to less important topics and trying to talk about Aleppo is a waste of time and IMO somewhat insulting to the people suffering there - give that massively important subject it's own space rather than burying it in rants on relatively trivial threads.

SaucyJack · 15/12/2016 10:58

Does he often do stuff like this?

I'd be pissed off too if he was in the habit of destroying perfectly good food because he was too stupid to cook it properly.

RubyWinterstorm · 15/12/2016 10:58

crass ants

the bane of my life. Why do those bloody ants have to be so crass?! Bastards

ChardonnayKnickertonSmythe · 15/12/2016 10:58

Seriously, I can see how he would be distracted listening to the radio about this and forgetting the croissants.

It happens.

KurriKurri · 15/12/2016 10:58

'The Syria situation' -that should read

Embolio · 15/12/2016 10:59

'Crass Ants 🐜 ' Grin

ChardonnayKnickertonSmythe · 15/12/2016 10:59

Toast them Ruby. then some marmalade.

Liiinoo · 15/12/2016 11:01

OP your post made me Sad and Smile simultaneously. The level of detail about your eagerly anticipated breakfast, french croissants with expensive butter! You were clearly looking forward to them very much indeed and it is a shame you didn't get them.

But I suspect you know YABU at getting so angry at DP. Even the best of us screw up sometimes and I am sure he didn't burn them deliberately to upset you. If he is a good guy in other ways you can move on from this.

Have a rest, kiss and make up and buy some more croissants for tomorrow. I hope you all have a very happy Christmas.

StiginaGrump · 15/12/2016 11:01

I am scatty I burn food all the time, get through endless payment cards and see if keys. Lock myself out and in with and without babies and children. I am accident prone and have no sense of direction getting lost in buildings as well as roads. I leave the house open and the gas on - and yet my husband loves me because whilst he would never do any of these things he knows this is part of me not kids me being an arse who won't try. He appreciates that it impacts on me the most and finds it largely endearing. I do have good qualities (and an amazing PA at work!) and what's my point - I suppose either that there are bigger and better parts to you both that you need to refind or you need changes.

Original poster
AnnaMagdalene · 15/12/2016 11:02

Okay. I have probably posted before.

He started a business in his retirement, which takes up space in the house. I am trying to detach myself from this, because initially I gave him a great deal of support, so he ended up just doing the things he liked and leaving me to do the dirty work. However, I am still very aware that he doesn't do certain things connected to the business that I know need doing. Or he does the tasks but in a sloppy way. And, given that it is based at home, I really cannot detach myself entirely. (It doesn't make enough money to operate from different premises.)

I've also tried to reallocate domestic tasks as until this happened, I was looking after the house in the same way that I did when he was working full-time. One of his new jobs is the laundry. The laundry basket has got fuller and fuller. My daughter said to me, 'When's the washing going to be done? All the clothes I bought back from university were dirty. I don't have anything to wear.' I said, 'Your Dad does the washing now.' He got prompted on that occasion - and I ended up hanging out all the washing (his job) because he was busy with something. And now once again the laundry basket has been full to the top for a couple of days.

Last night he was cooking and I asked him to make enough so there would be left overs for lunch today. He insisted on giving everybody second helpings, and then I found the leftovers for lunch were two tiny chicken wings. Meaning that I have to cook from scratch.

So I suppose there is this sense that there's always something else (a more important something else) on his mind. And I am meant to run round after him and laugh it off and not get cross. I feel trapped and unhappy in the marriage. That I made a mistake supporting him and prioritising looking after his children from an earlier marriage - and our child. That I am in my late fifties, with very low earning power and that I screwed up my life, and there's a recession and I don't know what to do and it;s too late to do anything about it.

And then I had a burnt breakfast.

OP posts:
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