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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want guests to remove their shoes when walking through my house?

609 replies

MummyLizH · 13/12/2016 19:47

Not sure if I'm particularly bothered by this because it's mainly the in-laws who do it, but most people know I expect shoes off as you walk through the front door.

I've mentioned it to dh a few times, I think he thinks I'm just picking at his parents behaviour, but it makes my blood boil... I clean and hoover my home, invite you round and you tread your dirty shoes all over the floor which me and my kids sit and play on (and my little girl crawls around on) Angry. My parents have the decency to bring their slippers!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
Artandco · 14/12/2016 12:01

Name - why would bathroom floors be filthy in a house? Don't you clean yours? People generally piss inside the toilet here, not on the floor. The bathroom floor is just as clean as the rest of the house.

Artandco · 14/12/2016 12:03

Elf - you only let babies sit on the sofa? Dont they fall off alone? Most kids play on the floor as more space

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 14/12/2016 12:06

Cara
It's rude. And common. Would the aristocracy do it? No?? I wonder why...
...because they have someone to clean the floor for them!

All those of you making judgmental comments and calling it common do realise that you are saying that japanese, asian and arab families are all common. You are so keen to sneer that you don't think of the wider picture.

DH is North African so we are a shoes off family. We don't ask guests to do so but most of them notice what we do and the shoe rack by the door and take their shoes off. We also have underfloor heating.

MitzyLeFrouf · 14/12/2016 12:06

I'd be wary of being in my stockinged feet in the bathroom of a house that was populated by teenage boys or young boys that were being toilet trained.

SpringerS · 14/12/2016 12:10

Springer - they don't need dirt in the house to get an immunity. When I dress them for outside and they go out in dirt and eat worms they get sufficient immunity. Indoors when they are clean after bath and ready for bed I don't want them sitting in shoe grime

They actually very much do. It's why the health outcomes for children who live with animals who are allowed indoors and outdoors and children who don't are so very, very stark. Six times lower incidences of common childhood incidences! Caring so much about nonsensical shoe grime puts your children's health at increased risk and all the outdoor dirt eating in the world doesn't make up enough for that. It is constant low levels of dirt exposure that's important not swinging wildly from one extreme to the other. Outside of in cases of diagnosed immunocompromised residents, it is always, always healthier to have that constant exposure in and out of doors.

We wear shoes indoors, the dogs come indoors and my 4 year old has yet to have a doctors visit for illness, never mind an antibiotic. I know that's just an anecdote but it does reflect the science.

HouseworkIsASin10 · 14/12/2016 12:11

Wouldn't bother me. We have a family member who has a 'no shoes rule' in their showhouse so I take a pair of slippers when I visit.

You only need asking once, it's not the type of request you would forget.

Butterpuff · 14/12/2016 12:11

Just wondering why common is a word associated with shoes off, historically.

I would assume a different ration of shoes on/off houses between town and country because of the amount of dirt you pick up on your shoes. With the exception of the super rich in their big houses (with boot rooms etc.) because of the public vs private rooms in the house. So the public rooms may well be shoes on, where as the private den shoes off for comfort?

Then there must be the money factor, both in town and country. If you have money you have staff to keep your carpets clean or can have them replaced should the have a shorter lifespan due to the outdoor shoe traffic.

I'm assuming that most of our shoes on/off tendencies are based on what we are used to growing up.

Personally I've always lived in the country in a middle to low income back ground and have had a shoes off upbringing. We don't insist on shoes off (and neither do my parents now that they can afford to get the carpets cleaned or replaced) but I do notice when people don't offer to remove their shoes.

Most of our friends naturally remove shoes and pad around in their socks the same as they would in their own homes. Which feels more welcoming to me than leaving shoes off where they are obviously guests. Infrequent and not well known visitors will usually keep shoes on.

Its horses for courses but as there is such a big divide interesting to think about what the reasons are behind it.

Katy07 · 14/12/2016 12:16

We are seeing an enormous increase in childhood allergies because of this inane pursuit of cleanliness
Well I was brought up taking my shoes off and having a mother who was clean-obsessed and yet I have NO allergies. I rarely get a cold - not even one a year. So I'm not thinking it's entirely accurate. But maybe you could try a "cleanliness causes autism" theory instead as I'm autistic?! Grin

HingleMcCringleberry · 14/12/2016 12:25

My favourite part about this thread is the observation 'This topic has been done to death.'

It may well have done. But not for the person asking, and dare I say it, not for the however many (dozens, 100s, 1000s?!) people that are new to Mumsnet each month. AUBU to ask them to peruse the archives for the multiple instances it's been addressed? Potentially not; I couldn't say. My only comment would be to quote the immortal Sweet Brown: 'Ain't nobody got time for that.'

MitzyLeFrouf · 14/12/2016 12:27

I think it’s more amusement that this seemingly mundane topic is one of the most hotly debated subjects rather than a ‘you should have Advanced Searched this topic OP’.

CaraAspen · 14/12/2016 12:30

"ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO

I don't want them sitting in shoe grime

grin Mine sit on sofas confused"

Haha. Yours know what floors are for!

HingleMcCringleberry · 14/12/2016 12:30

Thanks for the clarification Mitzy; that makes more sense. I just thought people were being unwelcoming!

Unwrapped · 14/12/2016 12:33

Very puzzled by the 'you don't care about guests' comfort' argument. Why is keeping your shoes on more comfortable? Why is wearing socks/slippers such a chore/embarrassment? Unless someone's floors are very grubby it's hardly uncomfortable to walk around in your socks.

As for foot hygiene, if I'm going to someone's house I make sure I powder and deodorise my feet after my shower and wear matching socks without holes. If it's summer and my feet are hot/sweaty I pop into the bathroom on arrival and give them a quick wash.

If it really bothers you to be shoeless why not take a pair of indoor shoes

angela999999 · 14/12/2016 12:38

Naturally if I'd been traipsing through wet and muddy paths outside I'd have no objection. I actually told one friend that I wouldn't visit her if she expected me to take off my shoes in reasonable weather. It did really seem unnecessary, she had just hard floors downstairs, no small children crawling about, most visitors came by car to her driveway so no tramping along muddy lanes etc. Also she had a cleaner who came in regularly.

She tried to get an electrician to take off his shoes and he told her that he couldn't legally work without them - shook her a bit but she backed down.

If I go round for dinner, dressed up, tights, nice shoes, I'm certainly not prepared to pad about in just tights all night.

CaraAspen · 14/12/2016 12:43

"ChazsBrilliantAttitude

Cara
It's rude. And common. Would the aristocracy do it? No?? I wonder why...
...because they have someone to clean the floor for them!

All those of you making judgmental comments and calling it common do realise that you are saying that japanese, asian and arab families are all common. You are so keen to sneer that you don't think of the wider picture.

DH is North African so we are a shoes off family. We don't ask guests to do so but most of them notice what we do and the shoe rack by the door and take their shoes off. We also have underfloor heating."

And your point is what, exactly? Is it that I am racist, that I am unintentionally racist or because - unlike youHmm - I haven't been able to grasp the wider picture? Lol

In addition, what has underfloor heating got to do with anything? I wonder if it will be installed during the renovations of Buckingham Palace, so that the Queen and her guests are able to help keep the flooring clean by padding around shoeless?

Artandco · 14/12/2016 12:48

Underfloor heating is because people keep saying guests must have frozen feet if they can't wear grubby feet. They will have warmer feet here if they take shoes off and put feet directly on heated floor

I have two young boys, both have been taught to sit when wee so they don't piss all over the floor. At their school all boys have to sit to wee also due to this ( and it reduces constipation in small children as more likely to poo also if sitting)

CaraAspen · 14/12/2016 12:48

"As for foot hygiene, if I'm going to someone's house I make sure I powder and deodorise my feet after my shower and wear matching socks without holes. If it's summer and my feet are hot/sweaty I pop into the bathroom on arrival and give them a quick wash."
Really? You wash your sweaty feet in a friend's wash hand basin or do you use the shower? Do they know this and do they helpfully provide a guest towel for you to dry your feet afterwards?
The mind boggles. I would be disgusted to know this little quirk of yours, were I your host.

ElspethFlashman · 14/12/2016 12:51

I'm still Shock at the person up thread who's hosting a NY party and is going to ask everyone to take off their shoes!!!

So I rock up to this person's house, in my sparkly top and fab new glittery shoes covering my preemptive blister plasters....and it's demanded I leave them in the porch and go pad around in my bare feet with plasters on show???

That'll help the party atmosphere.....Hmm

ElspethFlashman · 14/12/2016 12:52

I agree Cara. The thoughts of someone hoisting their grubby feet into my hand basin....Confused

Artandco · 14/12/2016 12:53

ELspeth - yep, why you would plan to attend an indoor party at a home around your shoes is baffling.

ElspethFlashman · 14/12/2016 12:55

So the guests should turn up in NY party attire from the ankles up and.....shitty old trainers they don't care about discarding at the door?

I'm genuinely confused about what shoes these guests should wear. Grin

MistresssIggi · 14/12/2016 12:58

Art you've not really answered the point about the new party shoes and the blisters.

Artandco · 14/12/2016 13:02

YES I have. Why would you nee dblistwr plasters if you aren't wearing those shoes? Wear them to a restaurant or bar, not my house. It wouldn't matter if your rrived in Wellingtons and nice dress as boots removed in hallway anyway. Take slippers if you know you have super manky feet and are planning on spending hours there. Somebody is presumably spending time and money to invite you over for New Year's Eve, yet taking your shoes of and taking some slippers is terrible, a chore?

JeffVaderneedsatray · 14/12/2016 13:05

I hate shoes. Thus I kick them off as soon as I walk in the door of my own house. However we are not a shoes off household and I would never ask anyone to remove their shoes. Most of my friends are sensible and would remove dirty shoes. We do use our back door as standard which enters right into the kitchen so we tend to take our shoes off once in the hall.

I don't think any of my friends are shoes off people but I do look to see what the householder does and go with the flow. If I'm not sure I ask.
In fact in several houses I vist I would prefer to keep my shoes on as they have dogs and I end up with dog hairs on my socks.

Mind you I am a slattern and my carpets were probably laid in the 70s when this house was built (not by me, the carpets I mean, as I have taste) and I am hoping they will soon be wrecked enough for DH to understand that they are NOT 'perfectly functional carpets'. DD had a new bedroom carpet recently and will not allow anyone in in shoes!

CaraAspen · 14/12/2016 13:09

"Artandco

YES I have. Why would you nee dblistwr plasters if you aren't wearing those shoes? Wear them to a restaurant or bar, not my house. It wouldn't matter if your rrived in Wellingtons and nice dress as boots removed in hallway anyway. Take slippers if you know you have super manky feet and are planning on spending hours there. Somebody is presumably spending time and money to invite you over for New Year's Eve, yet taking your shoes of and taking some slippers is terrible, a chore?"

Must be a ball at your place...
And yes, shoes are an important part of ones attire. Obviously, you don't agree but I imagine it's being in the Carpet Protection Squad that makes you like this.

images.gawker.com/18k3wg3lea0pwjpg/c_scale,fl_progressive,q_80,w_800.jpg