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AIBU?

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Original poster

To want guests to remove their shoes when walking through my house?

609 replies

MummyLizH · 13/12/2016 19:47

Not sure if I'm particularly bothered by this because it's mainly the in-laws who do it, but most people know I expect shoes off as you walk through the front door.

I've mentioned it to dh a few times, I think he thinks I'm just picking at his parents behaviour, but it makes my blood boil... I clean and hoover my home, invite you round and you tread your dirty shoes all over the floor which me and my kids sit and play on (and my little girl crawls around on) Angry. My parents have the decency to bring their slippers!

OP posts:
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8
1horatio · 16/12/2016 12:11

If you live in a terrace house... is the thing then called a terrace or a patio?

That stuff is complicated 😂

P00pchute · 16/12/2016 12:14

We mostly take our shoes off at the door, unless we are going quickly in and out of the house again - in which case I almost scrape the soles off my shoes on the doormat. We stay in a rented house which has quarterly inspections, and it's a pain in the arse having to rent a carpet cleaner ever 3 months because the house has a beige coloured carpet.

We never usually ask guests to do it though - I just watch in dismay while our visitors cheerfully tramp mud/oil/ dogshit through the house and they don't notice/care.

Unwrapped · 16/12/2016 14:36

We never usually ask guests to do it though - I just watch in dismay while our visitors cheerfully tramp mud/oil/ dogshit through the house and they don't notice/care.

Why not just ask them to take shoes off? A friendly 'do you mind leaving your shoes in the hall?' is polite (and expected by many). We have mats in our hall that are easy to clean. You shouldn't have to pay for carpet cleaning or grit your teeth and put up with shoes indoors!

CaraAspen · 16/12/2016 14:43

"MistresssIggi

I don't think I've read a theory yet as to why, if it's so normal and respectful to remove shoes, no tv programmes feature people who do. Well that's not true - the only time I've seen it on tv is in Keeping Up Appearances."

Hahahaha!! Therein lies the lesson!

CaraAspen · 16/12/2016 14:47

"MistresssIggi

Cote you could say that about the whole thread, not sure why you'd single my comment out confused
I see plenty of people washing dishes on TV. I also see them coming into houses and taking coats off, settings handbags down, but not taking their shoes off
There is a strong sense from some shoes off people that it is completely the done thing and anyone who doesn't do it is being rude and gross akin to picking their nose on the sofa. That simply isn't the case, and the example of the portrayal of people in the media (from a variety of classes) backs this up. We have thought of two tv examples so far where it's mentioned, and in neither was it portrayed in a positive light."

How very interesting. Now we know the practice is odd and not in the least bit the norm.

AldrinJustice · 16/12/2016 15:01

Shoes off for me too. If my kid rolls around on the floor and picks up food from it, I'd want it to be as clean as possible.

It's probably better to ask "should I take my shoes off?" As you enter the house you're visiting. That way you get a simple yes or no answer and no one could possibly be offended. I always carry a pair of socks because I hate going around barefoot if I'm in flats

CaraAspen · 16/12/2016 15:04

I really cannot envisage the PM or the Queen or President Obama settling down to dinner, having first removed their perfectly nice, perfectly clean and perfectly expensive shoes and deposited them under this silly sign at the front door:
s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/9d/69/f1/9d69f14dab89cd47ed91cbb84ddf3360.jpg

Those who think people should be removing their shoes or should be insisting visitors or guests remove their shoes, really do not have a clue about decorous behaviour.

CaraAspen · 16/12/2016 15:07

It smacks of petty mindedness and is the very opposite of correct manners.

AldrinJustice · 16/12/2016 15:25

You're all forgetting people have different customs around the world. In the west it's not something routed in history to be taking your shoes off. However as someone upthread mentioned, in the east, places such as Japan and India and the like, it is customary to take your shoes off. In fact it is a sign of respect to do so. So while you in the "shoes on" camp might think it is opposite of correct manners, for people who have grown up where it is a custom to take your shoes off, not taking them off would be rude!

CaraAspen · 16/12/2016 16:00

I am referring to UK "customs". I know people in other parts of the world do things differently. Have you actually read the entire thread?

CaraAspen · 16/12/2016 16:00

...rooted in history...

OrangeFluff · 16/12/2016 16:04

I have a cat but she doesn't go outside.

Inside cats use litter trays, then walk all over the floor..... I really hope no one is Dettoling their cats.

Middleoftheroad · 16/12/2016 16:16

I walk round in slippers but would not expect guests too. weird behaviour.

I feel uncomfortable when people ask me to remove my shoes. These are the same people who insist on folding carrier bags into squares for storage or ironing tea towels.

Middleoftheroad · 16/12/2016 16:17

guests to!

1horatio · 16/12/2016 16:19

I am referring to UK "customs". I know people in other parts of the world do things differently. Have you actually read the entire thread?

Sure, Cara, I'm not doubting that.

But if you were to be invited to our house (maybe by DH for a play date with DD or Idk) one wouldn't know that I'm foreign and responsible for our washable slippers. DH is very British. So,.. many people here would apparently be really judge and unwelcoming. Which is also very narrow minded, imo.

Middleoftheroad · 16/12/2016 16:21

This

To want guests to remove their shoes when walking through my house?
Middleoftheroad · 16/12/2016 16:24

there is a school mother who keeps a basket of spare crocs for kids to go out in the garden in.

Artandco · 16/12/2016 16:26

I'm British. It's always been our 'uk custom' to take outdoor stuff off before walking around any house. We wouldn't walk in and take shoes off and keep coats and hats on either, they are all for outside. I remember my great grandmother when I was a child would always have a shoe horn and stool near door for people to use.
It's hardly new. Most people couldn't afford to change flooring Until it was threadbare so others making dirty and wearing down unessearily would have been disrespectful.

Also, I actually don't have time to be repeatedly cleaning up. If the floors were cleaned at 10am then someone came in with shoes at 10.30am I would pissed off as just done that. What if people in and out all day? Are people hoovering, mopping mud or carpet cleaning several times a day?

1horatio · 16/12/2016 16:32

middle

Garden shoes, yes. the most ordinary thing ever, in Switzerland.

I've never ever met somebody that goes with the same shoes inside.

Maybe in summer, when they're just rushing to the kitchen, there's no mud etc. But they're more likely to just take them of and go barefoot. But oh well, it's different in the U.K. But I honestly don't get it.

I don't get it. Our cleaning person (housekeeper? Cleaning lady? Idk) comes 3 times a week. But still. One person with dog poo and you're shrubbing foreeever ;) I'm too lazy for that ;)

treaclesoda · 16/12/2016 16:34

Oh yes, those who are adamant that they're not taking their shoes off are indeed being rude (with possible exceptions due to mobility issues etc). But equally people who insist on removing their shoes when the host doesn't want them are also being rude and disrespectful.

Cherylene · 16/12/2016 16:37

I am terribly common, in that I cannot afford the live-in maid to run around cleaning up after the people who come in with their shoes off. So we are a shoes off household.

The hallway is tiled, then have to go through the sitting room to go anywhere else, so it would look like the hall carpet if I had one.

Most people see the shoes and take theirs off. I have only ever had to ask DPs.

I had to ask DPs to bring their slippers when the stayed as houseguests and we first had new carpets, and DM did her professionally offended passive aggressive routine. Since she frequently did this, and DF had previously managed to grind in some sort of un-removable tarmac-like substance into the carpet under the dining table and in front of the sofa, I ignored her. The tarmac substance was the real turning point. You only have to have this happen once.

1horatio · 16/12/2016 16:38

Why wouldn't I keep mine on if the host wants that? Me walking around with socks when everyone else wears shoes? No thank you ;)

And it's not my house. So... I'm not the one that has to clean....

treaclesoda · 16/12/2016 16:44

I wasn't aiming that comment at you 1horatio, you sound perfectly logical about the whole thing. Smile

But there were some posters upthread who were adamant that they take their shoes off automatically because that's 'manners' and 'decency', who seem to be unaware that they might be being quite offensive to their host.

AldrinJustice · 16/12/2016 16:52

Horatio - exactly what I was going to say. People migrate. I'd say the UK customs you're talking about Cara are specific to people who grew up with these customs. Those who choose to live here after growing up in a country where it is customary to take shoes off might not adopt the UK custom.

At the end of the day, the homeowner, whether renting or mortgaging or own the title deeds to that bit of land that they call their home, is entitled to ask if guests remove their shoes or not. It's their home, their personal space. Whoever takes their shoes off when they're told not to and the host is uncomfortable with that or whoever doesn't take their shoes off if required are being downright arses if the reason is pure pride and not a physical or mobility issue.

AldrinJustice · 16/12/2016 16:55

...rooted in history...

Hmm bit precious no? Simple typo