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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be disappointed in this Christmas present from my DH

130 replies

MagpieMil · 13/12/2016 19:16

My DH and I have been married three years and have 2 DCs under 5. The first year we were together he bought me a Hermes scarf and the second year a gold bracelet.

The third year he bought me a very humdrum and functional watch, which is ugly and not at all me, but which I wear anyway.

Last year, he bought me some sort of membership package to go to events, except that it never turned up and he spent all of January telling me he called them, they were disorganised/ embarrassed etc and in February he told me he had got annoyed so asked for his money back. So I got nothing. I reminded him many times.

My MIL bought me a spa day last year. Or she gave DH the money to get my a spa day, but he never did. I keep reminding him. He says "I haven't forgotten." Unlike the events thing, which I can't see me getting to as we never have an evening babysitter and he isn't home in time for me to go out, I could actually go to the spa as there is one a road away from us.

This year, we have been talking for about a year about getting some natural trees for our garden to make a hedge out of wild pears, crab apples. He asked me why I hadn't bought the trees. I said we were short of money for garden things, which is true, and maybe next year. He then said he was buying me the trees for Christmas. It would be nice to have an edible hedge but, it's not really a priority for me and I feel grumpy about it. AIBU?

OP posts:
YoHoHoandabottleofTequila · 13/12/2016 20:44

Because it's the equivalent of the OP and her DH noting they need a new Hoover and the DH then buying her one for Christmas.

Gwenci · 13/12/2016 20:44

YANBU, household purchases are not Christmas presents. It'd be different if you'd been hankering after the trees but you haven't.

Tell him you'd rather not have the trees for Christmas and ask him for something you do want instead.

Then ask where your spa day is. Every hour on the hour until he bloody we'll gives you the present he STOLE!!! I'd be livid if DH did that to me.

Monochromecat · 13/12/2016 20:51

Why don't you just book a spa day and pay from your joint account/household account?

MudCity · 13/12/2016 20:53

YANBU and you don't sound spoilt either. A hedge would be fine if you had said all year that you really, really wanted it and that you would get enormous pleasure out of it. But that's not what you have said.

Worse than that, not getting you the spa voucher when your MIL had given him the money for it is really out of order. He has literally stolen your present from you and that is poor. Sorry, OP, I would be disappointed too...because he hasn't really thought about YOU and what YOU might like.
Besides, the hedge sounds like it is for you both. Is he expecting a present from you?

thatdearoctopus · 13/12/2016 20:55

We "want/need" the trees in the garden lopped. Things are a bit tight this month. I don't want them done as my fucking Christmas present!

FlorisApple · 13/12/2016 20:57

You do not sound spoilt AT ALL....bloody hell, your MIL gave you a thoughtful gift that you would enjoy, and your DH has denied you that, while getting you nothing last year, and suggesting something for the household this year. The trouble with presents is that they have meaning aside from the actual object...it's the symbolism of being so inconsiderate and thoughtless that is what hurts and I don't blame you at all. But you do need to make it clear to him that this is not acceptable.

Smartleatherbag · 13/12/2016 20:59

Yanbu.
He set a precedent with two nice gifts, then it's been getting worse. It'd be fine if this was normal for you, but it isn't.

BackforGood · 13/12/2016 21:00

Back - you haven't read the thread properly at all, have you?

Yes, and I also remember being young, having small dc, and not a lot of money to waste. Money spent on improving the house was a very sensible way of going forward. IME and IMO. You don't have to agree, but this is a discussion forum on which I, along with anyone else who wants to post, was asked their opinion.

Klaphat · 13/12/2016 21:03

YANBU OP. Waiting for the financial abuse backstory though (not in a sceptical way).

iminshock · 13/12/2016 21:04

Yabu

RainbowJack · 13/12/2016 21:06

It sounds very unromantic and not very thoughtful.

Much more romantic and thoughtful to steal from you and get you naff all.

Let me guess, you got him something every year and it was half decent.

SabineUndine · 13/12/2016 21:10

I'll be honest, I'd be wondering if he's short of money and if so, why.

HorridHenryrule · 13/12/2016 21:11

Op are you and your family struggling at the moment with money. You have to make sacrifices when you have a family it cant just be about what you want. Do you understand your in comings and out goings. Maybe you would be less annoyed if you understood your finances.

HorridHenryrule · 13/12/2016 21:11

Do you work?

I should have added that to my last post.

Topseyt · 13/12/2016 21:15

I am not normally one to get too worked up over gifts. I rarely mind what I get, but even I would draw the line at a hedge as a Christmas present. That is in a similar league to a poster some while ago who had been given a pork pie for her birthday by her DH.

In your place, OP, I would be demanding to know where the money for your spa day went. Spa days aren't cheap. He is diddling both you and his own mother out of the money. He is showing that he cannot be trusted.

YorkiesGlasses · 13/12/2016 21:16

I hope you aren't planning on buying him anything then? The trees can be a mutual gift for the two of you. Or you're going to order some more, tell him on Christmas day... maybe they'll turn up before the end of the year... or next year...you won't forget...

Nanny0gg · 13/12/2016 21:21

I'd be booking a spa day for myself and telling him that was his present this year as you never got it last year.

Handsoffmysweets · 13/12/2016 21:21

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request

dontcallmethatyoucunt · 13/12/2016 21:25

I'd be questioning the finances too. He's effectively stealing from you. I would argue this one out if a grown up conversation did not produce a very good clear answer about what is going on.

thatdearoctopus · 13/12/2016 21:38

Do you understand your incomings and outgoings.

Could there be a more patronising post?

Klaphat · 13/12/2016 21:49

You have to make sacrifices when you have a family it cant just be about what you want. Do you understand your in comings and out goings. Maybe you would be less annoyed if you understood your finances.

I seem to have missed the part of the OP where the OP admitted to being a clueless idiot about personal finances. Great that you saw it, though.

ZippyNeedsFeeding · 13/12/2016 22:17

Why does the OP have to be the only one making sacrifices? Nobody else seems to be suffering.

nooka · 13/12/2016 22:33

There is a big difference between mutually deciding to do something for your house/garden and using your joint Christmas present buying funds for that compared to presenting your partner something for the household (that they have not asked for as a present - personally I quite like things like nice pots and pans etc) and saying it's instead of a present.

Topseyt · 13/12/2016 22:39

I thought the post about incomings and outgoings was patronising, condescending and irrelevant.

Ignore, OP.

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 13/12/2016 22:40

Yep I'd do what NannyOgg suggested tbh.
I do think you need to address this though as a theme is occurring & he's basically taking you for a twat, nip it in the bud.