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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be disappointed in this Christmas present from my DH

130 replies

MagpieMil · 13/12/2016 19:16

My DH and I have been married three years and have 2 DCs under 5. The first year we were together he bought me a Hermes scarf and the second year a gold bracelet.

The third year he bought me a very humdrum and functional watch, which is ugly and not at all me, but which I wear anyway.

Last year, he bought me some sort of membership package to go to events, except that it never turned up and he spent all of January telling me he called them, they were disorganised/ embarrassed etc and in February he told me he had got annoyed so asked for his money back. So I got nothing. I reminded him many times.

My MIL bought me a spa day last year. Or she gave DH the money to get my a spa day, but he never did. I keep reminding him. He says "I haven't forgotten." Unlike the events thing, which I can't see me getting to as we never have an evening babysitter and he isn't home in time for me to go out, I could actually go to the spa as there is one a road away from us.

This year, we have been talking for about a year about getting some natural trees for our garden to make a hedge out of wild pears, crab apples. He asked me why I hadn't bought the trees. I said we were short of money for garden things, which is true, and maybe next year. He then said he was buying me the trees for Christmas. It would be nice to have an edible hedge but, it's not really a priority for me and I feel grumpy about it. AIBU?

OP posts:
StarlingMurderation · 13/12/2016 20:06

FFS, even if she does want a bloody hedge, she doesn't want it for Xmas! Is that so hard for people to grasp? It's a joint household item, not a gift. I want a day bed in the spare room so the inlaws can stay next Xmas, if DO said I could have but for Xmas or my birthday, I'd tell him where to stick it. Do you have access to a joint account, OP? Is there enough money in there for a spa day? If so, book it and tell him you've booked it. And tell him if you're having a hedge for Xmas, he's having new guttering for the roof or something equally necessary but unglamorous. God. Once more, this kind of thread is devolving into a race to the bottom, "women should be grateful to get anything, my partner doesn't buy me anything, I'd love a tree" clueless point-missing shitfest.

steff13 · 13/12/2016 20:06

Where did the spa day money go?

GardenGeek · 13/12/2016 20:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Serin · 13/12/2016 20:08

Could he be a gambler OP?

bigredfireengine · 13/12/2016 20:11

Why did she give your DH the money and not give it to you?

tiej · 13/12/2016 20:13

Well he's a thief, and a bit of a shit to be honest.

PacificDogwod · 13/12/2016 20:15

Well, I would love a mixed fruit bearing hedge! Xmas Smile

But that's not what this is about, is it?
It is him giving thoughtlessly or not at all, even by proxy.
YANBU.

rollonthesummer · 13/12/2016 20:17

My MIL bought me a spa day last year. Or she gave DH the money to get my a spa day, but he never did. I keep reminding him. He says "I haven't forgotten

But it's 12 months ago?!

That is really really proper shite! Call him on it abs then ring your MIL and tell her!

tiej · 13/12/2016 20:22

I'd grass him up to his mother.

You'll need that spa day after he's got you to plant the hedge.

YouTheCat · 13/12/2016 20:26

Have you told him you don't want trees for Christmas?

Have you bought his gift yet? I'd be tempted to return his gift and buy something you actually want. When he does a poor me sad face at you on him not receiving a gift, tell him he's had the money from your non-present from last year and your spa day money and he can fuck off if he thinks he's getting anything else.

Pluto30 · 13/12/2016 20:27

If you're short on money and can't afford plants, then how do you expect him to be able to keep up the standards from the first two years (Hermes and gold bracelet)?

I'd mention the spa thing in front of the MIL though.

Naicehamshop · 13/12/2016 20:28

What happened to the spa day money? ? Definitely speak to him about that, and the fact that he still hasn't given you your present from him! Hmm

YoHoHoandabottleofTequila · 13/12/2016 20:28

Do you need a new iron? Get him one for xmas as that's the equivalent of a hedge.

And ask him where the money has gone. He sounds crap to be honest.

Original poster
MagpieMil · 13/12/2016 20:28

Thanks everyone. To be really clear, I did not say I wanted a hedge. It is something I suggested last year, instead of a bit of fencing, as I thought it would be kinder to wildlife and thought it would be lovely for all the family, especially the DCs to be honest, to find things growing in a mini hedgerow. I am not a gardener who has been lusting after these trees for myself.

I assume the spa day money was spent. MIL gave him the money as she tried to order a spa day voucher over the phone and the spa told her to go online. She is in her 80s and has no internet and so asked him to buy a voucher on her behalf and put it under the tree. I found out when she asked me if I had received her spa voucher the following Easter. I've told her several times that I haven't had it and she keeps saying "Oh he has promised he will."

Realise I sound like a spoilt DC myself now.

OP posts:
Ragwort · 13/12/2016 20:30

Why don't you just be mature about it and say something along the lines 'I appreciate it's hard to choose something for each other so let's agree not to exchange gifts anymore and just buy ourselves something'.

I really don't understand what is so hard about that and why so many adults get so obsessed about presents/surprises Hmm - if you want a spa day, have a spa day.

Original poster
MagpieMil · 13/12/2016 20:32

Is that mature? To say no more presents as we are adults? It sounds very unromantic and not very thoughtful.

OP posts:
Sweets101 · 13/12/2016 20:32

Tell him!!

YoHoHoandabottleofTequila · 13/12/2016 20:36

I don't think you should say no more presents as you are adults, I think you should tell him what's bothering you. Why the need to make up excuses?

Naicehamshop · 13/12/2016 20:36

Ragwort - the problem is that he has been given money to buy her a present and has spent it (presumably ) on himself. Have you not understood that? ? Confused

I don't think it's immature to make a fuss about this - in fact if he isn't pulled up on his behaviour now I think he will just get worse and worse.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 13/12/2016 20:37

No you don't sound like a spoilt child!

BackforGood · 13/12/2016 20:38

YABU. It was something you said you wanted but couldn't afford. Sounds like an idea for a present to me. Really thoughtful.

That's what we have done when money was tight - bought something for the house / for 'us' instead of presents we don't need, just for boasting rights.

How can you say it's 'not thoughtful' when he's getting something you've said you'd like but haven't really got the money for ? Confused

Naicehamshop · 13/12/2016 20:41

Back - you haven't read the thread properly at all, have you?

Original poster
MagpieMil · 13/12/2016 20:42

Because I didn't want a hedge for myself.

OP posts:
anothermalteserplease · 13/12/2016 20:42

YANBU. I'd be upset at that too and missing the spa day present from his mum last year too. Can you not just book the spa day for yourself and go?
I'd speak to him about the hedges too. Ask him if that's his Christmas present too or if he's expecting something else?

CocktailQueen · 13/12/2016 20:43

Op, that's awful. Don't let him get away with saying he hasn't forgotten. Give him the phone and ask him to ring the spa and book right away.

And the present the year before - wtf?!

What did you get him, op?

It should be perfectly possible to buy presents for your husband/wife. They don't have to be ££, but thoughtful would be good.

Don't buy him anything this year until he has booked your spa day and given you a pressie from two years ago!