Schools SENCo

[LittleBooInABox]

I'm fully prepared to be told I'm being unreasonable here, but it's been an emotional weekend and I'm still feeling a little fragile so I'd like some fresh eyes to look over this and decide if I should make a complaint of if I'm just being precious.

On Friday I went into see DS class teacher, after a week of tantrums and meltdowns not proportionate to the event: like changing his mind on a sweet and being to late to change it. (Already paid, long que) turns out it was because they were doing practice tests for there sats. DS struggled and become distressed causing him to act out.

DS teacher said she had some concerns because DS is working about a year behind where he is (year 2, age 6) it was eventually settled that he may be strongly dyslexic. I asked for a referral to the schools SENCo, who wasn't in on Mondays.

We spent the whole weekend thinking and reading about how best to support DS. We made him a quite space in his room with some a small desk, chair and let h

So move forward with today.

In fairness we found that in the early stages there was an element of assumed knowledge about processes / terminology and fairly quickly we learned that everyone was trying their best for ds and to ask questions. When we realised that we were all in it together and not in competition or an argument things went much more smoothly.

you will have to find the time to support at home. Short bursts every day. It just has to happen.

^ This. Start with 2 x 10mins a day and build up his stamina. I imagine you would like him to be able to focus for 40-60mins in school as this is the length of a lesson, so gradually build up to this at home.

Has the speech and language support been organised by the senco? What area does it cover?

Myyoyo is absolutely correct and I think you are misinterpreting what the SENCO said. Schools don't work on an appointment system for the most part so that teachers can be available when they are needed and not booked up like a GP. They are teachers not HCP and to make assumptions about roles isn't going to be helpful

is it perhaps that your expectations are unrealistic not only in terms of timelines but also in terms of what happens even with diagnosis.

It is difficult to accept that your child has SEN and you to see them struggle. There is a lot of mixed emotion grief/frustration/fear/disappointment/guilt which makes you hypersensitive when discussing it.

I do note that when people offer practical advice and support you are not responding but are seizing on the slightest perceived "snark" which may be displacement.

I'd speak to parent support groups about these things perhaps?

It's very difficult but one thing you learn as a SEN parent is that it's exhausting and you really do have to pick your battles at times.

Just to say even though dd was very well supported throughout her schooling having dyslexia is something you learn to live with. It cannot be cured. She is 16 and at college now studying music.
Ds is 14 and despite hours and hours of writing practice each week his handwriting is still completely illegible. It took till he was 12 years old till he was able to read.

You might be focussing on dyslexia as something that you get a diagnosis then you begin the cure. There is no cure.

Don't tie yourself in knots over this. It wont do you any good.

Accept that your son could be dyslexic. He is definitely not stupid.
Watch the Kara tointon programme about her dyslexia to put it in perspective

If a parent turns up and needs to see the senco it is very rarely going to just for a chat though is it. The assessment is the type of thing she can look at the day ahead and pencil it in but sometimes other things come up.

If she had said to you "I will do it at 10am on the 11th january" and then a parent turned up at 9am in tears what would you expect her to do? I get the impression you wouldn't take it not happening very well!

Of course you care, OP, and plenty of posters have put a lot of effort into suggesting things that will help your ds. Try to concentrate on that. The best way for your son is always going to be if you can find a middle way between being neglectful (which you are clearly not) and being angry.

The SENCO did not express herself very well this time, she should have explained. But then again she does seem to have worked very hard to get a lot in place for your son even without a diagnosis, so do try to build on that.

(and please, please try not trot out that tired old line of "of course it would never happen to a physically disabled child"; it doesn't give a good impression)

Little its nothing like a GP. GPs only do appointments, the senco teaches and on top of that is senco. So if something comes up (usually safeguarding) that takes priority over your ds assessment.

If she did give a set time and something came up she had to prioritise would you be understanding and sensitive?
Parents shouldn't really accompany their child for these tests.
"Propelled into this world", a bit dramatic. I'm dyslexic, my sons are, I teach. There are pros and cons to being dyslexic it is not the end of the world. You are in it for the long haul calm down and relax. You can't solve the issue you have to adjust.

And don't upset the SENCO this early on ffs.

Or maybe she is rammed and she is trying to balance a certain amount of kids who have Sen. Sounds like your ds is getting good support maybe no more than if he'd been diagnosed. Sadly the system is slow even in really good schools. My dd has seen an ed pitch a few times now and I've not been present. Would I like to be yes. You've got an idea of when this will all start rolling. And we all think our child is the most important of course we do but you don't have an overview of all the other kids on role. Hell my dd is diagnosed and has ft 1:1 and it sounds like your ds is getting a lot more than a lot of kids in some schools.

Very good points by Oddsbin and Oliversmum.

I think I had this idea too, that if I could only get a diagnosis for dd (chronic joint disorder), there would be some kind of cure and she would become a non-disabled child. What has happened instead is that she has learnt to live with her disability and is able to lead an almost-normal life. In that perspective, it wasn't the exact date of some appointment or other back in 2005 or whenever; it was the years and years that followed of helping her to do exercises and accept who she was and build up her confidence. It's a good outcome, but far more long-term than anything I could have envisaged, and the outcome relies on her acceptance of having to work with her limitations.

A parent or responsible adult can be present during an assessment but it is not the norm. It can change the dynamics of the assessment if someone else is present unfortunately.

I really feel for you OP. We were there with dd2 10 years ago, we moved her to a private school to get her the support she needed and did pay for a private test. She returned to the state system in year 3 after almost 2 years in the private (not quite) it was the best money we ever spent. she left feeling she was able to cope and enjoyed learning again.

She is now 16 and it has been a tough ride for her. Some SENCO are amazing and you will want to hug them (and I did with 2 of them) some are awful and make you so frustrated (much like all people really)

The laughing IMO is not ok but I doubt she thought of how it would come across to you. Nor do I think saying " "nothing I can do, if it's not good enough you'll have to pay" is particularly helpful for a good working relationship between the 2 of you. So I do understand why you feel upset. However I would give her the benefit of the doubt and try to work something out with her to get support for your child.

Also I would read up on dyslexia. Personally I liked the book the gift of dyslexia it made me understand a lot of things. It has also done the rounds between the teachers in the primary school dd2 went to after the private .

Read to your child lots of lots and lots and lots (did I mention lots ) give him the gift of enjoying books. that is the best you can do right now. Also have a look on the primary school board you are likely to find others in similar situations.

If there was to be an emergency I'd be understanding, a little miffed I'd walked all that way. But again can't be helped but to be told no straight off without an explanation is a little rude.

SENCo didn't arrange speech therapy, it followed him from a midwife referral, to school one and now this school. School one we left because the support was terrible. DS was slow there too and despite many talks with teachers nothing was done. Believe me I'm thankful for all the school has done, But DS himself shows no improvement.

His speech therapy focuses on sounds he struggles with like f = ph, g = r (ranrad instead of Grandad) but he was a late talker. So that's why speech therapy started.

We've tried different programs, and it normally leaves us both in tears. Because he can't do it, I can't help him.

Too much effort, too much angst.

Dyslexic is NOT a disability.

OK DS is also yr 2, and behind, won't go into the trouble I had getting the school to admit this. However when I mentioned his fathers family a!l have dyslexia I was told they won't assess a child for this until they are in yr3.
He too has become increasingly angry and aggressive, given his arm and hit himself in the head over minor things like not being able to get his jumper on. So I am surprised to hear that your schools SENCO are going to look into yours.
I would love to hear what the outcome is.
On a side note, does your school insist on cursive handwriting?

Dyslexia not dyslexic writes the dyslexic saying dyslexia is not a disability

Took me 20 mins to type that........

Is it surprising that a child that cannot make correct word and letter sounds does not show great phonological awareness and struggles the with sounding out that is part of basic literacy?

I'd be more inclined to question the class teacher you thinks she can identify dyslexia in this case TBH.

The support your son is already getting is exactly what he would get if he had an official diagnosis. It's the strategies that are important- high quality first teaching is increasingly the way schools support SpLd.
Concentrate on that. Have a lovely Christmas, then be in touch in the NY. Having a date now won't change the outcome - you being there for the actual screening would be unusual I think. Your son will in all likelihood just think he's had a nice lesson with MrsSenco.

Then ease off.
Think of something non academic your child can excel in.

DD and ds are never going to be accountants or doctor or solicitors or work in an office however dd loves dance and drama and ds loves sport so I spent hours and hours after school at dance and singing and drama and judo and football and all manor of sports lessons.
DD is now at college where she does no academic work.

I am a SENCO. In my timetable, I have so many things I can't move, like teaching my class, meetings with outside agencies and meetings with parents, that I am incredibly reluctant to change something that is flexible and I can squeeze in when I get chance, into something inflexible as I already have so many inflexible things to squeeze in. I might have in my mind 'right I'll do that on Tuesday' but not get round to it until Friday. It will still get done - I just would never want to pin down a time as it's something I won't know until probably the day. This could have been explained for you though and I'm sorry for that.

Give people the benefit of the doubt - it sounds like they're working hard for your son and everyone wants the same thing in this scenario. There's no way I'd have a parent present at a dyslexia assessment - it would totally change how the child acted.

Is it surprising that a child that cannot make correct word and letter sounds does not show great phonological awareness and struggles the with sounding out that is part of basic literacy?

A valid point!

Did you say the midwife referred him for speech therapy? Was that in the first ten days of his life??

We've tried different programs, and it normally leaves us both in tears. Because he can't do it, I can't help him.

The make sure you drop right down to a level where he can do it so he feels successful.

For example:
'Bearing Away is a unique multi-sensory phonics programme for children with more complex learning difficulties. It is designed for pupils who are struggling to make a start in learning to read—pupils who cannot even remember single letter sounds. It combines elements from the earliest stages of our reading and spelling programmes with our distinctive engraved letter tiles. Letter and sound recognition, correct letter formation, blending and segmenting are taught in tiny incremental steps with an extraordinary amount of structured overlearning. Constantly changing multi-sensory exercises ensure that it never gets boring.'

Oops your school aren't fobbing you off (about this, anyway, sounds like they're not great in other areas!). It is true that it is very difficult to assess early on as it is so mixed up with learning phonics etc.

Cursive aids spelling.