I'm sure you can all guess where this is going, but a brief history first. My DH and I have been together for over 13 years, living together for 10, married last year, DS is 5 this xmas, you get the idea, this isn't a flash in the pan!
My MIL never had much interest in me until DH and I showed no signs of ending our relationshop. Then she took an interest, and not a good one. Up until 4 years ago I did everything I could to gain favour, obviously unsuccessfully or I wouldn't be here!
When our son was born he was very unwell, (we spend a lot of time in the stroke clinic), his first xmas was spent in hospital. His first xmas (and birthday) out was so special and everyone wanted to be with him. We went to MIL house, (I spoke to my own mum at length, she knew I wanted this relationship to work) and that was the day that changed everything. I was told repeatedly that I was not family, that I wouldn't be included in pictures, presents etc. DH did nothing and this caused a lot of stress for us as well. To look back you would not know for one second that i was in tbe house. My son's first xmas was ruined, I look back and kick myself for letting it go as far as it did but hindsight is a fantastic thing. After that I made no special effort for her. I have never stopped her seeing him (she has little interest anyway), but I will no longer cancel plans, rearrange appointments or go out of my way for her.
This year she is making a huge deal about us coming over for dinner, interesting as we will (hopefully) have a new bundle with us. The last time she called to our house was 3 years ago, we're never invited to hers (it is STRICTLY invite only) and she never comes for dinners out, birthday's etc. although I do not like her I will always make sure she knows what's happening and when, she just never shows up.
My dilemma is this; I cannot spend another xmas around that woman. She is snide, cruel and vindictive and always tries to turn any grievance with her behaviour into your issue. I am happy for DH to go and bring DS with him if he wishes but I just can't face her. How do I explain this in a calm and constructive manner without opening old wounds and dragging the past up? She is still his mother and I don't want any bad feeling or to stress either of us out. Am I better off to just go and keep the "peace"? AIBU? Help!