Aibu to get divorced because dh won't do the dishes?

[arethereanyleftatall]

Just that really. Would you ever consider it good enough grounds for divorce if your dh never ever did any housework, regardless of circumstances? You like everything else about him.

Did he used to do housework before marriage/kids?

Ummm, well if he point blank refused to ever do any housework I'd definitely give him the heave-ho. And it would make all the other positive aspects of his personality pale somewhat. You're not his housekeeper.

Have you asked him to help and he's refused?

Not really. Neither of us really did. When we both worked and no dc, we had a cleaner and ate out pretty much all the time.

If he can't share the load of making your home a nice place to live, I don't see why you should be compelled to live like that.

www.huffingtonpost.com/matthew-fray/she-divorced-me-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink_b_9055288.html

Yep that's grounds for divorce. You're not a fucking servant.

Pretty much chicken. If I've asked he'll do the one thing I've asked him to do, (if I asked nicely) and then sit down again.,

Have you told him it's shaping up to be a dealbreaker for you? If that doesn't spur him into action nothing will.

Stop doing anything for him. Seriously. No laundry, no meals, no picking up after him. You're not his fucking servant.

Has he ever lived on his own (without a cleaner), or did he go from mummy straight to you, without ever really having to live independently?

I'm assuming you've already had the housework fairy conversation. In which case: dump him.

Why do you need to ask, by the way? Did you have a chat where it was decided that you're the clerk of works and the labourer?

I think I will Madame. But am scared of the response! I don't want it to be 'fine let's get divorced', I want it to be 'ok I'll do the dishes.'

Well if his response is 'fine let's get divorced' well then you really should ditch him. If he loves you surely he'd rather start pulling his weight rather than throwing in the towel.

Hermione - he's South African, so grew up with mummy and live in maids, then when he's lived on his own he's had a cleaner and ate out.

Why don't you just tell him what he needs to do. I had these arguments with my hubby loads and yup would be lovely if he proactively saw it needed doing and do it, but he never does. However if I say do x y and z, then he gets up and does it. As such, it's not a deal breaker for me, as it's not like he refuses , and it doesn't sound like uour husband does either. Don't get me wrong, still annoys me he has to be told, but it's not a divorce maker for me because he does do it when I ask.

Why don't you still have a cleaner? Why have you become 'the cleaner/live in maid'?

I'm surprised by the unanimous responses. I've always just sucked it up, knowing it really shouldn't be me doing the dishes again, but thinking it's a small price to pay for what's generally a really happy life. I'm thinking I'd rather just do the extra work than upset our 2 dc by divorcing.

Fuck that... do all your own stuff and leave his... he'll have to sort it out sooner or later. I did this with DH once.... I was getting the rage with all the things left about the house that I refused to tidy or clean up, but I held out and he soon started doing it for himself. He would tell me that something had been sitting wherever for 5 days... so I said you've obviously been walking past it for 5 days then... just bloody pick it up and put it away!!!

He has a wife who cleans while he sits back answer scratches himself. Why would he pay someone?

Thank you so much for the responses everyone, there's some good ideas here. I think more asking is the first route to take.

JOinourclub - I only work part time, and the dc are in school, so i have time in the week to do it - I couldnt justify in my own head getting a cleaner. I'm happy with this mon-fri. It's just the weekends general tidying that really bugs me. For example if I give the dc breakfast and have to go out until 4pm for whatever reason, the breakfast dishes will still be on the table, along with the milk and the lunch mess.