Mum has announced its time for me to host Christmas.

[torroloco]

Apparently she has had enough and she "goes to all that effort just for us to fuck off on Boxing day". Both me, my brother and my Dad work- Dad and brother are working boxing day, I go back to work on the 27th but as I have a 3hr trip to get home I will be leaving early boxing day so i have time to get home and pack as im off on holiday with the family I work for.

Also, apparently because im 27 now I can host. The plan according to her is for the 3 of them to drive to mine in the morning and leave after Xmas dinner. To a tiny 1 bedroom flat with broken central heating (i highly doubt my LL will pull his finger out to get it sorted in time) and a tiny, unreliable oven.

WIBU to go and celebrate Xmas with them when im off for 3 days just before and then spend Xmas day alone eating shit and watching boxsets ?

I love my mother dearly but im starting to think shes batshit crazy

spend Xmas day alone eating shit and watching boxsets?

That sounds like HEAVEN to me.

I am interested, though, in why you are getting flak about hosting but your dad and brother seem to be exempt from the criticism. Have you tried asking her that?

But honestly, I think you should say you don't want to/can't realistically host in your flat and leave it at that.

User - because the issue isn't the cooking but the fact that the OP has to work Boxing Day?

Families have a lot of traditions at Christmas. As people get older, these often have to change. This sounds like the first year a change has been implemented due to work, and the OP's Mum isn't happy. I'm afraid that it will actually be the first of many, however. As partners with other families to visit, and children/grandchildren come into the picture, Christmas alters. With a bit of give and take, everyone can be kept happy, provided there's a spirit of compromise. If one person is going to sit and sulk about not getting everything their way, then that's unreasonable!

It's reasonable to take it in turns to host. It should be your brother's turn next year.

Equally, your family need to accept that the hosting you'll be able to provide might not be what they are used to, given that you have no central heating and an unreliable oven. You just need to make it clear to them that while you accept that it's your turn to host, they have to understand that you can't cook a roast dinner with no oven , so it'll be a cold buffet or whatever can be cooked on the They'lll also need plenty of jumpers and socks.

My mum got fed up of hosting Christmas, but she was perfectly reasonable in giving one year's notice, not two weeks.

She has been unreasonable with the lack of notice which rules out alternatives such as eating out. She is unreasonable to be scapegoating you and not the other two members of her household.

Your two choices are to have them for a scaled back meal that is possible in the facilities you have, or to have a relaxing one alone. It might be useful for her to experience the drive and your living conditions.

There needs to be a conversation at sone point to work out a plan in good time for next year and to work out the trigger.

I don't think your mother really wants you to host, driving three hours to sit in a cold one bed flat with a dodgy oven. I think she's sending a message that she feels taken for granted and tired of no-one ever doing sharing the work or making a fuss of her. Hosting Christmas Day is a lot of work and most people do it for their adult children with pleasure. But when your children are older and the magic is lost it's hard not to feel a bit redundant and invisible, as if they've just turned up for a duty visit, to be fed and waited on and then bugger off again.

Perhaps the last couple of years she's felt like a hired help in her own home? Do you all muck in with the food prep and table laying? Help clear up? And more importantly, after lunch do you and your brother take time to talk to her, play games or whatever or do you just bugger off to the pub or immerse yourself in TV or facebook?

If she's feeling overworked how about you and your brother go home but pay for and cook the lunch from her house?

I think she fears the anti-climax of Boxing Day alone as well. It's a lot of build up just to be over for one day. There is more to this I think, it's a symptom of empty nest syndrome and feeling a bit fed up generally.

And I've just done exactly as Silent has said and not RTFT.

Not read the whole thread op so forgive me if this has already been said but I am just wondering if your dm is going through the change ? I so then bless her lil cotton socks it is awful , have a word with her and be very kind not that you wouldnt be , see if there is a reason behind it , I hope she isnt poorly and it is too much for her

you can still order meat i think.

Well, I bloody hope so.
My Christmas preparation so far has consisted of saying to DH, 'Did you ask your mum and brother over?'

Depending on the answer, we'll either buy one chicken or two in Sainsbury's on Christmas Eve.

But we do have a cooker this year. Last year we didn't. That would have made things quite a bit harder.

I've never bought Christmas meat earlier than Christmas Eve. I've always just walked into a butchers and bought what I wanted.

Really? I've never dared. There's always some story every year about a scrap over the last turkey in Morrisons and the police having to be called!

I've never bought Christmas meat earlier than Christmas Eve. I've always just walked into a butchers and bought what I wanted.

Me too. Butchers arnt stupid you know; they know that people are going to walk in and buy it last minute. I never book.

Yabu despite me seeing the practicalities of doing it at yours aren't the easiest!

This year my mum IBU. She has been dx with cancer and starts chemo straight after Xmas. We've suggested eating out or doing the food for her - except she's refusing. (The nutter!) TBH she's actually not ill so there's no reason health wise why she can't but I'd have thought not having to cook for us all would have been something she jumped at!

It is all very well your DM refusing to let anyone cook or clear up at her house, but if you don't host OP and stay at your flat alone,what will happen? I think your mum would cave and end up cooking Christmas dinner for your DF and DB. I think you should be prepared to host if that is what she wants, assuming family relationships are good, but you need to be open with her first and say that it isn't that you are unwilling to do it, you just don't think it is practical at the moment. There must be an alternative.

If DM makes the choice to cook for DB and DF, that's in no way shape or form the OP's responsibility and shouldn't form part of her decision. She can't make her mother do anything.

Me too. Butchers arnt stupid you know; they know that people are going to walk in and buy it last minute. I never book.

Actually coming from a family of butchers, usually the only reason you get a turkey when you walk in last minute is because someone who HAS ordered hasn't turned up to collect theirs, we can't contact them and we don't want to get left with one. Butchers generally will not order extra turkeys (unless they also do catering orders - and even then they will usually only stock extra 30lb+ turkeys) because nobody wants them after Christmas and you can only freeze them for a couple of months.

Occasionally you might get the butcher's family's turkey because your butcher doesn't want to disappoint a paying customer!

Oh I agree Silent, I was more suggesting that her DM's approach only makes sense if she is assuming the OP will host, it is a gamble because otherwise she would have been better off having OP visit and cook at her house. This might be more about making a point though, than about the actual work. Or perhaps there is another reason we can't guess at.

The only other reason I could think of that's not already been mentioned is that OP hasn't mentioned she has a couple of Michelin stars. Otherwise I think it has to be that the DB and DF are useless, the DM feels they shouldn't have to do the cooking etc themselves for whatever reason penis possession, or some combination. There's just no logical reason why you'd want a six hour round trip on the one day you have together, to a place with no heating and a dodgy cooker!

Doesn't seem logical

My DP is good at cooking, he quite enjoys it (despite all the swearing and clashing of pans) and would cook Xmas dinner by himself for a smallish group no problem. But his DM won't let him help at all with Xmas food or even get his breakfast when he is there, I think it is the idea that the kitchen is her/a woman's domain. His DF has never cooked a meal of any kind (now in his 70s).

I would agree, but explain that you are in no position to cook a full Christmas dinner without a working oven. I would put on some party food instead - cheese / pate / smoked salmon, etc, and have a more relaxed affair. That could be nice?

I am enjoying this thread and sympathise with both the OP and her mum. I always cook for our extended family every Christmas. We have the biggest house, I am a good cook and I enjoy it (although I do hate the clearing up.) I also enjoy not having to drive anywhere so I can enjoy some well earned wine once everything is dished up!

The thought of having someone else cook in my kitchen, as some PPs have suggested fills me with dread. It wouldn't be a rest at all. I would be up and down every 10 minutes showing them where I keep things, explaining the oven, finding things they forgotten and on and on. I can completely understand OPs mum wanting to get away for the day.

Liinoo you seem to have missed the fact that the OP only moved out recently. I'm sure she can work the oven in the family home that she lived in.

Yoarchie, thank fuck for that! I thought I was the only heathen who buys an off the rack supermarket turkey...

Chipped I speak from bitter experience as the mum of usually capable young adults and the wife of a highly intelligent man, all of who turn into incompetent buffoons when they walk into the kitchen. "Mum, where's the sink?' 'LIiinoo, do we have a dishwasher?'

The only time I have had a meal cooked for me in this house was about 6 months ago when I sprained my ankle just before guests arrived for a barbecue. It hurt so much that I lay in a semi comatose state (part pain, part medicinal champagne) , while my BIL and husband did the cooking (Luckily I had prepped everything before I fell ). It was largely inedible and I am still finding serving dishes and utensils in strange and creative hiding places. But they felt like heroes for saving the day.