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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mum has announced its time for me to host Christmas.

405 replies

torroloco · 12/12/2016 07:32

Apparently she has had enough and she "goes to all that effort just for us to fuck off on Boxing day". Both me, my brother and my Dad work- Dad and brother are working boxing day, I go back to work on the 27th but as I have a 3hr trip to get home I will be leaving early boxing day so i have time to get home and pack as im off on holiday with the family I work for.

Also, apparently because im 27 now I can host. The plan according to her is for the 3 of them to drive to mine in the morning and leave after Xmas dinner. To a tiny 1 bedroom flat with broken central heating (i highly doubt my LL will pull his finger out to get it sorted in time) and a tiny, unreliable oven.

WIBU to go and celebrate Xmas with them when im off for 3 days just before and then spend Xmas day alone eating shit and watching boxsets ?

I love my mother dearly but im starting to think shes batshit crazy Grin

OP posts:
SilentBatperson · 13/12/2016 19:32

Should've been quote marks in that first paragraph above. Hope nobody thinks I'm telling OP off for not pulling her finger our while conspiciously failing to notice the male members of the family doing fuck all!

Sara107 · 13/12/2016 19:37

Don't attempt a turkey if you have a tiny/ dodgy oven. Go for something easy to cook on the hob ( eg a casserole or curry). It doesn't have to be a traditional dinner. Get pre-prepared veg and potatoes that just need heating up, or cook rice instead (to go with the curry). Remember roast potatoes need a good hot oven, so don't attempt if oven is shit. Don't stress about how cold the flat is - your family are choosing to come to you so they have to accept the set up. Get plenty of wine in - you can relax and have a drink while they contemplate another 3 hours in the car to get home!
I'm in no position to criticise people who just turn up for Christmas, at 46 I still go back to my family, rock up , eat them out of house and home and leave them with the washing up! ( Slightly tongue in cheek, but I guess they might feel that way?).

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 13/12/2016 19:47

This might be your chance to demonstrate why Christmas lunch in future years would be much better done at your mums but taking it in turns to cook! Get a small turkey crown, ready prepared to go in the dodgy oven, some potatoes, peas and carrots plus 2 tins of baked beans and a loaf of bread as a standby for when your oven doesn't work. Spend time on the phone with your mum excitedly and enthusiastically explaining all this and your back up plans at great length and then wait for it to dawn on them that one of them will have to drive (or sleep on camp beds etc). Smile

llangennith · 13/12/2016 19:49

My DM decided when I was 21 (44years ago) that she didn't want me to hers for Christmas. I spent Christmas with flatmate's family 150 miles away and then moved there a month later. Was very happy living 150 miles away.

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 13/12/2016 19:50

And if you've not seen it do watch the old Royale family Christmas special when they went round to Denise and Daves for lunch Grin

SilentBatperson · 13/12/2016 20:01

Except not if you have a delicate tummy. I always struggle not to heave when I see that big raw turkey sitting in the bath with him! Bleeeeurgh.

GabsAlot · 13/12/2016 20:18

why is it always up to the women

telll her you'll cook as long aw your bro helps or rather tell him

GabsAlot · 13/12/2016 20:19

slightly-i just watched that last night hilarious

pollymere · 13/12/2016 20:47

I've done it in a tiny one bed flat. Embrace it. If you have a microwave use it! Buy stuff ready made. A small turkey can be cooked like a chicken. Done and your Mum will be desperate to have it at hers next year. It's not just the meal for your Mum, she probably does frantic cleaning and has to provide you with a bed too. I'm hosting this year and I started my crazy house clean in November!

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 13/12/2016 20:57

Gabs the 'traditional' vienetta has become a catch phrase in this house Grin

roseteapot101 · 13/12/2016 21:08

think about how many years has she been doing it vs how long you have.Yes its not fair considering your oven but you can cook joints of beef or lamb in a large slow cooker which could make things easier

or how about this you offer to cook at your mothers house that would eb a good compromise

SilentBatperson · 13/12/2016 21:37

You are about the 90th person to suggest that, but the OP said only a few posts into this thread that her DM has completely vetoed Christmas at theirs. So it's not a good compromise, it's an impossibility. I would go all RTFT, but in fairness to you and the other several dozen people who've said it, it makes infinitely more sense.

cherish123 · 13/12/2016 21:43

I am actually amazed at your mum's attitude. When mine are grown up, I would love nothing better than to have them for xmas lunch etc. Some children don't go home to their parents' house or do it every other year and, as a result, some parents must get very lonely. Fair enough if you wanted to host it, but, as you are reluctant, I assume the parents would do it. You could all help with the cooking.

expatinscotland · 13/12/2016 21:58

Have you cancelled the fucking cheque yet, torro?

cheval · 13/12/2016 22:34

I sort of had the same rant at my now adult kids two years ago. They would go out on the p@@s Xmas eve, sleep til two, then expect it all to suddenly be a wonderful proper Christmas Day without doing anything. Eldest got it last year and was very helpful and festive. Younger one is work in progress...

starsorwater · 13/12/2016 22:52

i am so with your mum. I have done Christmas non stop for 34 years, and it's not just a roast, it's all the shopping and tidying and tree and presents and thinking up presents for those too idle to do it themselves and the cards and the breakfast and the day after and Christmas eve and I wish, wish, wish someone would just once do Christmas for me. And pigs in blankets, stuffing, and pudding even with two bottles of wine are just a tiny tip of the iceberg.
That is my first moan about it in 34 years. Thank you.

starsorwater · 13/12/2016 22:56

Cherish lonely! I really do think adult children do not get that their parents adore the blissful drama free peace without them now and then.

Chippednailvarnishing · 13/12/2016 23:07

I have done Christmas non stop for 34 years

Your choice. If you don't like it don't do it, just don't suddenly expect everyone else to do it for you.

EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard · 13/12/2016 23:12

If it's non negotiable order in www.cookfood.net/menu/christmas/christmas-day/christmas-lunch-bundles

SophieSunflower · 13/12/2016 23:18

It sounds like you are all fed up with each other, and you're not yet in each others company. Agree with Expat. I wouldn't participate in the misery. If mother has refused your compromise, say lets plan it better next year, and tell her you wont be coming. Stay home and relax..

starsorwater · 13/12/2016 23:20

Why not chipped everyone else expects me to do it for them.

Also, the much bandied euphemism 'the family home' :if only one person pays the bills it's their home! No one elses. Everyone else is grown up, remember, and living in whatever unheated bedsit their lifestyle choices allow them to afford.

All you adult kids on this thread, flying home for Christmas (aged 46) to your lonely (ha) parents should understand that.

Chippednailvarnishing · 13/12/2016 23:39

everyone else expects me to do it for them

Ahhh, so your a marytr.

Some people live in bedsits, not because of their lifestyle choices, but because property and rental prices are so out of kilter with wages, they have no choice.

starsorwater · 13/12/2016 23:48

And some people live in them because they prefer to spend their money on other things. Or do not wish to cramp their artistic style working more than 20 hours a week.

Until last year there was always an elderly relation or two to be looked after and so I had no choice.

I am being deliberately grumpy here, but I do find all you ancient children odd. I was so glad to be independent, and no bedsit could have been crummier than my first one.

In my opinion Empty Nest Syndrome was invented by the fledglings.

Chippednailvarnishing · 13/12/2016 23:54

I am being deliberately grumpy here

No, you're just being downright insulting and obnoxious. If you are ignorant enough to think people live in substandard housing through choice, you're deluded. I'm sure you'll start benefit bashing next.

And before you carry on projecting whatever weird martyrdom you carry around with you, I moved out at 18 and haven't spent more than a few weeks back at my parents home since. I own my own home and unlike you I appreciate how lucky I am compared to people like the OP who are at the mercy of shit landlords.

starsorwater · 14/12/2016 00:08

Chipping I'm sorry. I suppose I'm tired, and worried too.I do know that. As a matter of fact, I know a lot about it, and I gave my last paycheck to Centrepoint which I suppose you won't believe, but it's true. I just don't know how, without endless nagging, to make people grow up. If for instance, a person's dcs grow up and pass A levels and go through uni and pass driving tests, all with your support, financial and moral, and then develop expensive hobbies that you yourself could not afford, and like eg really really petrol guzzling cars, that is not the same as being unable through health or lack of education or opportunity to afford decent housing. And it is their choice which of course it should be. But not my fault.
Sorry for being obnoxious.