Aibu to be pissed at mil

[Smartiepuf]

I posted the other day about my mil taking over our specisl events with our lo - nipping in there with all the 'firsts', taking over at xmas, easter....you name it.

My mil has now booked a xmas experience xmas eve which is a good hours drive away and basically means my lo routine will be fucked - dinner time will be whilst out and they wont be going to bed until a good 2-3 hours after their bedtime.

Im pissed off as it was a xmas experience i wanted us to do - the 3 of us, but dismissed in the end because of the timing being so rubbish. Im annoyed as its been booked (we have been asked to pay though!) and as usual there is no consultation and she is taking over again!!!

My partner says iabu but i dont agree.

Thoughts?

I would just say no.

YANBU. She can't book you into something without consulting you to find out whether you're free. You're not unreasonable at all to refuse to pay and refuse to go.

You don't have to go! Just say it sounds great for when your baby's older, but not now.

YANBU

I'd be refusing ..... a bed time that late on Christmas Eve is just setting the kids up for a fractious Christmas Day.

You'd already decided against it, I wouldn't now be forced in to it by your MIL

If you're expected to pay for it then pull out, say it's too close to Christmas so you can't afford it or say what you've said here - that it's not a good fit with your lo's routine. Is there something you could offer up instead to sweeten the blow? Not that you should have to sweeten it but a hot chocolate and nibbles lunch at home or persuade a family member to dress as Santa and pay a visit to the house?

Say no.

If it hasn't been paid for yet, then it's easy to say no.

Just don't go. And definitely don't pay. Donit next year when your DC is a bit older and better able to cope with a later bedtime.

Yanbu.

I wouldn't go and wouldn't pay for the experience either. I don't see why would you if you have decided against it because it doesn't work for you.
And your DC's routine should be more important to your DP than MIL's feelings or wishes.

Tell DP he is being completely unreasonable in supporting MIL when she interferes. Ask him how he would feel if your DF took him to his first...(whatever it is he cares about), without any discussion. How he would feel if you never asked him about outings, holidays, presents etc just did it all yourself. I hate it when people feel it's ok because it is their own parent.Boundaries, people, please!

No way would I have my children up late on Christmas Eve. Just say no and don't pay.

Just tell her no.

Your DH is being very, very unreasonable.

Seriously? His mother books a Christmas event without your knowledge or approval, something you'd already decided you didn't want to do this year, and not only that, she expects you to pay for it?

No effin way.

Your DH has gone to bat for the wrong team. He needs to back you up and tell his mother she over stepped and needs to cancel the booking. She also owes you an apology.

I think you're being unreasonable. It's one night and it will be great fun for them!!
I think you're annoyed because she's going tbh.

Your DH has gone to bat for the wrong team. He needs to back you up and tell his mother she over stepped and needs to cancel the booking. She also owes you an apology. < This, with festive bells on. Any idiot can see that this is the perfect recipe for a tetchy Christmas day

You need to man up and say no!

It's one night and it will be great fun for them!!
I think you're annoyed because she's going tbh

See I get what you are saying Oly5 but its attitudes like this that give interfering mils their power, and they know it.

"Just suck it up for the kids' sakes"

"Aw shes just excited, don't be so mean"

" Just let her have it this once"

These were all things I said to myself when my mil screwed me and countless occasions. Then I grew a backbone.

You said no. Shes done it anyway and put you in a position where you feel guilty because your kids could miss out, its a very cruel trick overbearing mils use to make dils uncomfortable.

Say no, and practise it.

I think it is an issue and very suffocating that she isn't considering you here- booking something on your behalf that you'd have to pay for without asking you is not ok.

I wonder whether you wouldn't mind as much if she organised it in a more thoughtful way. I'm normally a bit baffled by anyone being precious about their DC's 'firsts' espec such close family (unless you are away from your DD a fair bit and need undisturbed time with her which is fair enough). My MIL was there the day DD first walked and it meant so much to all of us as they saw her less so we were all thrilled they were there too? I miss my MIL and think it's worth you chatting to yours really gently but kindly to explain how you feel in whatever way you can without upsetting her.

Thanks for the helpful comments. Other comments telling me not to post on here and to speak to mil..not helpful at all as I HAVE repeatedly spoken to my mil about other things. Her reaction is to keep doing them and go to my oh behind my back or to turn up at the house with things and present them to the lo - forcing us to accept as we dont want to upset the lo. Sneaky tbh

This is an easy one! Say no! It's christmas eve, your DD will obviously be home with you in christmas pj's, watching a christmas film before excitedly leaving out mince pies and milk for santa before heading off for bed.

Ridiculous.. I love my MIL ad am not a basher of MILs but no way would I have this

Ollie....you hit the nail on the head!

You need DP on side as it's his DM. I definitely second not going, as you've said you looked into this event and the timing didn't work so you didn't book it.

I would have some sympathy had she booked it as a gift but to book it and charge you without consultation is still wrong.

What is your DP saying on this?