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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About niece & chicken pox

91 replies

Pogmella · 11/12/2016 19:42

Family dinner tonight, the main one where DH's DBs' families and our family see his parents. He has 3x DBs.

We have DC 11mo, also in attendance are 4 other DC aged 4mo to 5yrs. 5yo has had chicken pox in past.

BIL has a 6yo girl. Calls last night to say 'Mum said I had to tell you both, DD has just come out in chicken pox but we're coming anyway. Kids have to get it at some point so not sure what fuss is about'

Eventually, after various elderly relatives, ourselves and DH's brother (but only 1) dropped out, they decided to stay home. They're now whatsapping us pics of their DD looking sad saying she's sad we don't want to see her!! I know our DC will get the pox eventually but I'd rather not do it right now if I don't need to... Who is being stupid here? DH's mum is really upset Sad

OP posts:
5madthings · 11/12/2016 19:47

Bil is being massively unreasonable!!!

Yes it's sad they miss the meal but it was not okay for them to try and come to the meal with a contagious child! He is just being a twat with his passive aggressive sad face pictures.

QueenArseClangers · 11/12/2016 19:47

BIL sounds both selfish and thick.
It's not up to him when/how your kids get CP! Also, what about elderly/immunocompromised people?
Good for you for sticking to your guns, he's an arse.

QueenArseClangers · 11/12/2016 19:48

Also, who wants a child to be poxy at fucking christmas?!

ApocalypseNowt · 11/12/2016 19:50

Could you send some 'happy i've not got chickenpox' pictures of your dc...? Wink

WhooooAmI24601 · 11/12/2016 19:50

BIL is a bellend. DS1 has CP at 12 months and was enormously unwell, needing a stay in hospital for iv antibiotics and a drip to rehydrate him as he refused all food as they were in his mouth and throat. BIL needs to piss off with the Whatsapp and respect your choices as a parent.

TruJay · 11/12/2016 19:51

Queen you beat me to it! Absolutely, no way would I want poxy kids at Christmas! It was an awful month with my two. I kept them away from everyone!

OP can't believe he told his child noone wanted to see her, what a dick! I can't stand childish adults, exactly what dh's siblings would be like.

Wolfiefan · 11/12/2016 19:51

Idiot! I am sorry but who deliberately exposes their extended family to an illness that can cause horrid complications.

GiddyOnZackHunt · 11/12/2016 19:52

His dd will probably be fine by Xmas Day but if they'd come they could have left you with poorly dc in 2 weeks time

Rollonbedtime7pm · 11/12/2016 19:53

Yes they do mostly get it at some point but as queen says, with a 2 week incubation period, that's pox for Christmas day then!

Idiots. My DD caught a sick bug from my niece when they brought her to a family meal a few hours after a puking incident - DD woke us being sick at 4am 2 days later which was DH's birthday so you can imagine his delight!

Crunchymum · 11/12/2016 19:53

Both my kids had it in the summer and were 'ok' with it.

Fuck would I want them having it over the Xmas period (one got it mildly, the other a week later and a 10 days after that the first one got a proper dose so it spanned almost a month for us Shock)

Champagneformyrealfriends · 11/12/2016 19:54

Mil was like this when I had dd. Two of our nephews had chicken pox but she still thought we should let them visit newborn dd. "As long as they don't hold her it'll be fine!" Hmm

Champagneformyrealfriends · 11/12/2016 19:56

Oh and because they'd only just started showing (the pox) we said their sister couldn't come and I got a text from mil saying "DGD is crying because you don't want to see her or let her meet her cousin."

LamppostInWinter · 11/12/2016 19:57

They are being VU. Someone I know was merrily posting on Facebook today about what a good time her DD had at the Trafford Centre despite being covered in chicken pox. I dread to think how many people will have a rubbish Christmas now because of her.

CombineBananaFister · 11/12/2016 19:58

People are selfish. yanbu. Who TELLS the child that their auntie/uncle didn't want them there even if its true (and totally understandable) - such a dickhead, copout thing to do.

PotteringAlong · 11/12/2016 19:59

They're being knobbers.

PansyGiraffe · 11/12/2016 20:00

When DD got it she had spots in her privates that became infected, ended up not wanting to wee because of the pain when she did - so she'd dance around needing the loo, crying with fear, wetting herself all over the floor and screaming with pain. Sorting out the anti-biotics to clear that up on Christmas Day? I would pass, thanks.

smEGGnogg · 11/12/2016 20:01

They are being twats.

One Christmas, I had 3 poxy kids all at the same time. They were 3, 2 and 5 months. It was awful and Christmas day went by in a blur as I came down with tonsillitis too.

I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

harderandharder2breathe · 11/12/2016 20:02

Bil is a dick for multiple reasons:
Thinking it's ok to bring contagious child to family gathering
Telling child "no one wants to see you" or similar
Trying to make you all feel guilty

Chicken pox isn't always mild, and even if it is who wants it over Christmas?!

TheClacksAreDown · 11/12/2016 20:02

Clearly YANBU. Exactly the length of the incubation time before Christmas, What a wazzock. Personally I vax mine privately for chicken pox which you can do at a year if they haven't caught it by then.

ruthsmumkath · 11/12/2016 20:02

2 of my children have started with Chicken pox whilst we've been away on family holidays with 13 other kids several of whom have never had cp and none of them have caught it. It's not a given that you catch it even if you are in close contact and you are supposedly most contagious prior to the spots showing.

It wouldn't bother me an infected child being with my kids and I have dc who haven't had it yet.

Such a shame for the lo to miss out.

GreenTureen · 11/12/2016 20:02

2 weeks before Xmas? That's a perfect incubation time for them to be coming down with it just before Christmas day.

Ds2 (6) came out in CP and was fine in himself just covered from head to toe. Ds1 (8) started with it 2 weeks to the day from ds1's first spot and had a total of about 15 - hardly any. But he was ill, with a high temperature and just feeling grotty for nearly a week - it would have been far from ideal over Xmas!

Anyway, your BIL is a dick.

GreenTureen · 11/12/2016 20:03

from ds2's first spot

Original poster
Pogmella · 11/12/2016 20:03

Thank you! We've been labelled as over protective pfb-ers. Their DD luckily has a v.mild case for now- her usual crazy self just spottier which I think means its hard for her to understand the changed plans (although, that's BIL's job to explain, right? With cake and a film?!) But how can they know how our DC will react?

OP posts:
GreenTureen · 11/12/2016 20:04

It wouldn't bother me an infected child being with my kids and I have dc who haven't had it yet

2 weeks before Christmas though?

Maryann1975 · 11/12/2016 20:06

We've just had our youngest dc immunised against chicken pox. We've paid privately for this and tbh I think it's well worth it (lots of reasons we've done it).
A couple of years ago I had a massive argument with a friend whose ds had the pox and thought my child should get it at the same time. She turned up unannounced at a party and then refused to leave meaning my dd was exposed to him.
As queen says it's not up to your Bil when your dd gets the pox and they are massively selfish. Even more so given that Christmas is in two weeks time. (Dd1 and ds had it over Christmas a few years ago and it was hideous).