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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

About niece & chicken pox

91 replies

Pogmella · 11/12/2016 19:42

Family dinner tonight, the main one where DH's DBs' families and our family see his parents. He has 3x DBs.

We have DC 11mo, also in attendance are 4 other DC aged 4mo to 5yrs. 5yo has had chicken pox in past.

BIL has a 6yo girl. Calls last night to say 'Mum said I had to tell you both, DD has just come out in chicken pox but we're coming anyway. Kids have to get it at some point so not sure what fuss is about'

Eventually, after various elderly relatives, ourselves and DH's brother (but only 1) dropped out, they decided to stay home. They're now whatsapping us pics of their DD looking sad saying she's sad we don't want to see her!! I know our DC will get the pox eventually but I'd rather not do it right now if I don't need to... Who is being stupid here? DH's mum is really upset

OP posts:

Jiggl · 12/12/2016 12:53

The vaccine doesn't always prevent CP. My colleague vaccinated her DS and he still got a bout of CP. Do look up the statistics on it.

Likely it was milder than if he had been unvaccinated but he still was poorly and had heaps of spots and sores. His CP seemed no different to my DS'sand I never even realised that there was a vaccine available.

HarryPottersMagicWand · 12/12/2016 13:47

What a selfish twat (just to add to the chorus). There are always some. I know someone who still took her poxy child to a very busy holiday resort because she didnt want to miss out on her holiday. She also visited a big group of people and they all went out doing things and I was looked at as the PFB parent because I refused to meet them as neither of my DCs had had it and if they had caught it it would have been right in the middle of our own holidays. Not one person understood where I was coming from and all the mums at school have a similar mentality. I don't get it, there are too many stories about children getting it badly. If mine don't bet it by early teens, I'll be getting them vaccinated. The only reason I'm holding off is because I have heard it doesn't last forever and will involve them getting another as an adult and I don't know if they can be relied upon to do this.

CorporalNobbyNobbs · 12/12/2016 13:59

What about the adults that were due to attend? Have they all had it? YANBU!

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 12/12/2016 14:15

DD looking sad saying she's sad we don't want to see her!!

how immature and childish, how mad, I know a man who died after his 90th large family bday party as a poxed child came and he had never had it - got it and died.

They are totally idiotic and mad, and arrogant its not their place to decide for other people when their dc will get infected. If it happens it happens but you cant impose the pox on people,

I know a stupid woman from NCT who was deliberately exposing her DC then casually coming to meet ups without actually telling us - I only heard her plan in whispered convo! I was due to go away and mightily pissed off. She was also ignorant of incubation periods saying " i exposed them a few days ago and they still have not come out yet" when my baby did get it ( not from her in the end) she was very very ill with it. Floppy, raging temp and it was scary, thank god I had not deliberately inflicted that on her.

hazeyjane · 12/12/2016 14:20

2 dose of the vaccine (as is now standard procedure) are about 98% effective. When ds had the vaccine he contracted chicken pox, but it was extremely mild (about 10 spots) and although I had to quarantine him until the spots went, it was pretty trouble free.

CigarsofthePharoahs · 12/12/2016 14:36

My eldest was 3 when he caught it. Raging temp, unable to move and had to go back in nappies. He was bed bound for over a week. He got off lightly compared to a friend who caught it at the same time. He ended up with an infected sore on his bum. Hospital visit and a nasty scar.
I'll never forget hearing my son constantly crying out in pain with it. Calpol didn't seem to touch it.
My then 4 month old caught it too. He was a lot less bad with it, but is left with some permanent scarring. My biggest regret is not knowing about the vaccine.
I also know someone on medication for rheumatoid arthritis who can't go near anyone with chicken pox or shingles.

Jiggl · 12/12/2016 14:43

My DS had very bad sores in his nappy area. And has a scar from a big one on his tummy. I had to take a week off work for him.

I'd be beyond fucked off if someone decided that 2 weeks before Christmas was the perfect time to expose anyone to any kind of infection. Selfish arsehole. I'd send a very sharp text back that CP wasn't on the fucking list for Santa and he can fuck right off if he selfishly thinks you want your DC to be in the throes of a CP epidemic on Christmas Day.

Clutterbugsmum · 12/12/2016 16:17

I don't understand the mentality of parent who put social occasion before their child illness.

If your child is ill stay at home and let recover don't spread it around.

FWIW my DH niece was 18 a few weeks ago and another SIL text to see if it was alright to come as her child had hand, foot and mouth. It did worry us as we had just got a letter about from DC school. But she was happy to stay away if we felt it was for the best.

Clutterbugsmum · 12/12/2016 16:18

It DIDN'T worry us even.

Original poster

Pogmella · 12/12/2016 18:03

So today things are a bit more mellow. Have arranged to get together after Boxing Day (MIL delighted to host twice!) and we visited DN without our DC and took some activity books. SIL conceded that they called it wrong- BIL made a tactical cuppa (to have a sulk...)

OP posts:

Yura · 12/12/2016 20:23

Glad you sorted it out. chickenpox is usually harmless (but can get very uncomfortable), but if it goes wrong, it can go badly wrong. my cousin spend weeks in intensive care (fine now!), my son is vaccinated but i still wouldn't let him near children who i know are contagious!

oblada · 12/12/2016 20:37

Just to say: cp can be reactivated so two bouts of childhood cp doesn't have to be shingles..
Also the most contagious phase is before spots so indeed hard to avoid. However having said that it's abt being reasonable and respectful of others. I wouldn't fully quarantine by kids but nor would I join in with a gathering with small babies/children who haven't had cp, it's unfair rly. I do think it's OTT tho to suggest you should keep your spotty kid completely out of reach in isolation the whole time! After all most of the 'contagious damage' has been done!

hazeyjane · 12/12/2016 21:28

Also the most contagious phase is before spots so indeed hard to avoid.

This is inaccurate. People are contagious for 1 or 2 days before the spots come out - but not more contagious - the most contagious phase is when the spots are out. This is why the guidelines advise quarantine whilst the spots are out, and until they are crusted over.

oblada · 12/12/2016 21:45

everywhere I look says the 'most contagious' (their words not mine) is in the first few days of sickness, usually 1-2 days before the spots appear.... Whilst it is contagious afterwards until spots have crusted over there does seem to be a medical consensus on a 'most' contagious period. I have never heard anyone advising a hard quarantine, but I agree on being sensible.

HarryPottersMagicWand · 12/12/2016 21:53

"Chickenpox is contagious until all the blisters have scabbed over, which usually happens about five or six days after the rash appeared."

From NHS website. It isnt more contagious before the rash, the difference is you have no idea if they are carrying it. To continue as normal when you know you have a highly infectious child is just plain ignorant.

Original poster

Pogmella · 12/12/2016 22:08

We think other SIL (who was going to drop out and then stayed on Schloer all night) might be pregnant

OP posts:

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