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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

About niece & chicken pox

91 replies

Pogmella · 11/12/2016 19:42

Family dinner tonight, the main one where DH's DBs' families and our family see his parents. He has 3x DBs.

We have DC 11mo, also in attendance are 4 other DC aged 4mo to 5yrs. 5yo has had chicken pox in past.

BIL has a 6yo girl. Calls last night to say 'Mum said I had to tell you both, DD has just come out in chicken pox but we're coming anyway. Kids have to get it at some point so not sure what fuss is about'

Eventually, after various elderly relatives, ourselves and DH's brother (but only 1) dropped out, they decided to stay home. They're now whatsapping us pics of their DD looking sad saying she's sad we don't want to see her!! I know our DC will get the pox eventually but I'd rather not do it right now if I don't need to... Who is being stupid here? DH's mum is really upset

OP posts:

mathanxiety · 11/12/2016 20:46

Your BIL owes his mum a big apology for his decision.

I really feel for your MIL even though it looks as if she thought an advance warning would be enough - maybe she didn't expect people to stay away in droves? Had she gone to a lot of trouble for the Christmas dinner?

YY to getting the vaccine. DD4 had it. My older four DCs got CP one after the other before DD4 was born. It was a horrible six weeks. DD2 got shingles when she was 19 .

BoboBunnyH0p · 11/12/2016 20:46

Yanbu. My DD dodged Cp in play group and nursery but finally caught it during an outbreak while in Reception, and exactly 15dsys later ds came out in spots he was 10 months. He was covered head to foot he wasn't really unwell in himself but he was pretty grizzly and unsettled. Wouldn't wish it on anyone especially at Christmas.

namechangedtoday15 · 11/12/2016 20:46

I was told that if a baby gets it (under the age of 1) then they dont develop the antibodies as effectively and then are likely to get it again. My dc3 was 11 months when she got it and she was really poorly with it.

I have posted this a few times on mumsnet now - not to be alarmist but to reiterate that's its not always a minor nuisance that you need to get out of the way or the sooner the better. We know personally on 2 families where children have had strokes as a side effect of chicken pox. Rare? Yes, but some children have serious reactions or side effects.

So to your BIL - I would be fuming that they'd even contemplated coming and exposing other children to it. I would never expose my child to it knowingly and anyone (including your MIL) who was put out by your (completely correct) decision would be in danger of getting a real earbashing from me. Honestly disgraceful behaviour from your ILs.

StarryIllusion · 11/12/2016 20:49

If it wasn't Christmas I'd say fuck it, sooner they get it over with the better but chicken pox at xmas? Nooo thank you.

Original poster

Pogmella · 11/12/2016 20:56

MIL has been pretty awesome. She hates any confrontation and BIL is really pushy. It would have been a big deal for her to tell him to call us. We are all here now, they have stayed away. She's had a Baileys now and is a bit cheerier!

OP posts:

dementedpixie · 11/12/2016 20:56

Also if they get chicken pox under the age of one they are more likely to get childhood shingles (my ds had chicken pox around 6 months old and then shingles at age 3)

Original poster

Pogmella · 11/12/2016 20:57

QOD that is terrifying. Must be rare- worried now as DC is too young to vax.

OP posts:

Blatherskite · 11/12/2016 20:57

CP can be fatal! OK it's rare but if my child was one of those rare cases where it was fatal or life changing and I knew that I had purposefully exposed them to the virus I could never forgive myself.

Northernlurker · 11/12/2016 21:29

Your bil is an idiot. Thank goodness your mil insisted on that call.

SunnySideDownUp · 11/12/2016 21:37

What an idiotic thing to want to do! I'm so pleased we've got dd1 vaccinated. The issue was forced because dd2 has a heart condition, but I'm so relieved that she's not going to get it.

girlelephant · 11/12/2016 21:43

YANBU! I understand CP parties as safer to get it as a child but I would avoid anyone contagious near Christmas!

Their attitude of imposing a sick child on others is ridiculous

namechangedtoday15 · 11/12/2016 21:49

There is never a safe time to get it!!!!

BusyBeez99 · 11/12/2016 22:07

I came out in spots on Xmas eve aged 21. Must have contracted on flight to canaries at beginning December from some selfish family taking their spotty child on the plane (still remember spotty kid dribbling onto my knee). Wouldn't wish CP on worst enemy at Xmas. Worst Xmas ever. And I wasn't even a child.

BusyBeez99 · 11/12/2016 22:10

(Looking into vaccine for DS aged 11 who hasn't had it yet)

underneaththeash · 11/12/2016 22:10

6 years ago DS2 was in hospital for 6 nights (aged 11mo) with chicken pox. Varicella has several complications including pneumonia which you do not want to have to deal with over Christmas, especially when there are less doctors available.

Many countries vaccinate for a reason....it can be a cause of sepsis, brain inflammation as well as pneumonia.

glenthebattleostrich · 11/12/2016 22:16

I used to think CP was just a childhood illness a bit like an itchy cold. Even when DD had it I didn't fully get how serious it was.

A few months ago my friends DD was hospitalised because of it, poor mite had them in her throat and vulva and contracted a secondary infection. She was so poorly, thankfully recovered now. I'd never be blasé about a 'childhood disease' again

Tatlerer · 11/12/2016 22:18

Busybeez snap! Had CP when I was 18, also came out in spots on Christmas Eve, also caught from a flight I suspect. It was my 18th birthday on Boxing Day and I was horribly ill. Based on that I had DD ( now 3) vaccinated as soon as I was able to. The only downside was the cost and the fact that she might need a booster in her late teenage years when they know more about the longevity of the vaccine (so it's very important she gets it, otherwise she might have the horrible adult CP experience!)

BusyBeez99 · 11/12/2016 22:20

Wonder if same flight ha ha
Going to look into vaccine in the new year for DS. I can still remember how it felt 23 years on.......

Rhythmsticks · 11/12/2016 22:27

Your bill is an idiot-who wants poxy kids for xmas?!

But your elderly relatives would benefit from exposure to chicken pox (providing they have already had it but 99.5%have) as exposure to CP virus boosts immunity and will actually prevent shingles.

I personally wouldn't mind my kids being exposed at a convenient time but mine are now vaccinated as they were exposed 2 weeks before a booked holiday (so I had to rush them to a clinic and pay ££!)

SpinALittleFaster · 11/12/2016 22:37

My DD was hospitalised for 2 days this summer with chicken pox. She most likely caught it at nursery and as far as I'm aware none of the other babies had a bad case. It's not something to "get out of the way".

Puremince · 11/12/2016 22:38

My DCs caught cp four months after I'd had a miscarriage. I'd had cp as a child but I caught it again; the doctor said my immune system had been temporarily suppressed by the mc. The DCs were OK, but I was really ill. It took weeks before I was back to full health.

StinkyMcgrinky · 11/12/2016 22:44

BIL is a selfish twat. DS had CP on his first birthday, he wasn't really poorly but we definitely had a rough few days. One of the other children at the CMs contracted it at the same time and was hospitalised for a week due to a secondary infection she developed and it was really serious for her and her family.

It's ok for people to think that kids "need it sooner or later" and the majority will survive unscathed, but for some children it will be very serious and knowingly putting family at risk is just ridiculous. One of my friends had CP over the summer at the grand age of 43 after his DS (2) came home from nursery spotty, he was extremely poorly and also spent time in hospital.

Farmmummy · 11/12/2016 22:44

Oh that's interesting re shingles I had chicken pox at 11months and according to mum had a brave dose, then got shingles in P6 so age 9ish. Dd1 got them last year age 5 and had a reasonably mild dose, Dd2 was only 4months and had a mild dose, DH 51 never had it as a child had a very serious case, not an inch of him didn't have spots. Couldn't swallow or breathe properly, got everyone nursed back to health over 6 weeks and bang a second dose of shingles age 34. Yadnbu telling bil to keep away!

Peanutandphoenix · 12/12/2016 01:05

Your BIL is being a twat cp can be extremely nasty when children get it. I got cp when I was a few months old I caught it off my sister and then I got a small patch of shingles on my arm when I was in nursery when cp was going round again I was left with scars on my arm from the shingles. Your not BU to want to keep your DC away from your BIL child Christmas is the worst time for any child to get ill.

NennyNooNoo · 12/12/2016 12:46

Your BIL is a selfish git.

Would also add that I found chicken pox worse when the child was in nappies which an 11 month old would be. DS2 got an infected spot on his bum and had to have antibiotics.

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