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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be offended by SiL's suggestion

110 replies

ChocolateDevil · 10/12/2016 14:56

My DH has rather a large family, but until this year there have been no children. Without going into detail the difference in earnings between Dh, I and one of his siblings is quite dramatic, they earn a substantial amount more than we do a year. Having said this the family are all aware of how sensible with money we are, we do not have any credit cards and have never taken out loans, we also have worked hard to save a nice but relatively small sum of money over the years. The other day the wife of said sibling suggested we limit spending on each other's children to no more than £15. I was stunned and a little annoyed that they want to limit what they spend on Dd to what we 'might' spend on their Dd. I don't expect them to go out and spend an absolute fortune on my child but I can't believe that they aren't prepared to put in a little bit of effort for their only niece. It's not the first time they have been slightly cagey about money and my Dh has suggested that maybe they are terrible at managing finances and are spending faster than they are earning, still he's just as peeved as I am at the mere suggestion of it. Am I being ungrateful?

OP posts:
ALittleMop · 10/12/2016 15:41

sorry I see, two babies
Setting a limit now is a brilliant idea and will stop you all skinting yourselves in years to come, when you end up with tons of kids to buy for

ALittleMop · 10/12/2016 15:46

So....
You want them to spend more on your DD than you spend on theirs because they have a better income than you?
Or you are pissed off because you think they are being tight, and you wanted to buy massive gift for their baby?
Or you feel patronised at them setting a limit that they think you can afford (but your prudent living and savings allow you to spend more money?)

I think your SIL is wise to suggest keeping a lid on it and I would certainly not be offended.

ZippyNeedsFeeding · 10/12/2016 15:47

She probably didn't mean to offend you, it's just sensible to set limits on these things to avoid anyone feeling pressured to provide extravagant presents. It's common and normal. Also, £15 is plenty for a child's present. There is loads of stuff available in this price range. You could have fun planning noisy/messy gifts if you wanted, but I think you're best off just letting it go.

OSETmum · 10/12/2016 15:50

Well I think it's unanimous YABU.

NicknameUsed · 10/12/2016 15:54

YABU. My sister and I have a budget of between £15 and £20 to spend on each other and each other's offspring. I thought this was normal.

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 10/12/2016 15:56

I read the OP as meaning that SIL has no children as yet and ChocolateDevil has a baby born in the last year.

Either way, you are totes unreasonable.

Grin
ExcellentWorkThereMary · 10/12/2016 15:57

But if they know you don't have as much money a second them aren't they being helpful by suggesting a budget limit for everyone? So all are on equal footing and you don't feel like the poor relation when you can't spend as much as they do? I think it is a good thing.

mangoparfait · 10/12/2016 16:01

Arguably a baby doesn't even need presents...especially not from aunt/ uncle (presumably they will get gifts from parents and grandparents, etc).

If a present does need to be bought, £15 is ample. This feels like another example of why Christmas turns into an orgy of overspending, if a £15 gift for a baby is insufficient! Hmm

Underthemoonlight · 10/12/2016 16:02

Me and my SIL DBW has set 15-20 budget they have good jobs but it's easier for everyone although I have got extra bits which equal 30 pounds but there's one of her and three they buy for. I think you comE across grabby and ungrateful.

Liiinoo · 10/12/2016 16:06

YABU.

We have had a similar agreement with DDs family for many years. A £20 limit AND gifts for children only. When my DD had her first child some years ago she took immense offence when I stuck to a similar budget for her DD. By that time it wasn't a question of what we could afford but more of a stand against rampant consumerism. It means expectations are managed. Presents becomes more creative and the focus of Christmas Day is more about good company.

Liiinoo · 10/12/2016 16:07

DHs family, not DDs

puglife15 · 10/12/2016 16:08

YABU for doing a reverse.

sparklefarts · 10/12/2016 16:10

Yabvvvvu
Sounds like you think they should spend more because they earn more. You're not entitled to have them spend money on your/your DD just because they earn more.
You don't sound like a very nice person.

Damselindestress · 10/12/2016 16:10

YABVU! They were probably trying to be thoughtful by setting a budget so that the presents would be equal and you wouldn't be embarrassed or feel any pressure to overspend. They must've missed the memo that you expect an expensive present and are "offended" by the suggestion of anything less! Seriously?!

Goingtobeawesome · 10/12/2016 16:14

It reads like you want loads spent on your kid as they can afford if and you're annoyed you won't make anything on what you'll spend on theirs..

Oysterbabe · 10/12/2016 16:17
Xmas Biscuit
HardLightHologram · 10/12/2016 16:17

Oh dear. Yabu.

YorkiesGlasses · 10/12/2016 16:18

Are you suggesting they should spend more on your dd than you spend on theirs?

I think it's fairly normal to impose limits for kids toys at Christmas. They do tend to get a lot.

DotForShort · 10/12/2016 16:22

Yes, you are being quite hilariously unreasonable.

Chickoletta · 10/12/2016 16:26

YAB hideously U.

I spend £15 each on my (9) nephews and nieces and always thought that this was pretty generous...!

MnRumours · 10/12/2016 16:26

What is it about Xmas that tends to bring out the worst in people. This is the second self entitled, money grabbing thread I've read today. OP just read back your thread to yourself.

AIBU? Yes you are, #GreedyMare!

TinyRick · 10/12/2016 16:30

YABU and bonkers

SheldonsSpot · 10/12/2016 16:30

Wow, a unanimous YABU.

Merry Christmas one and all Xmas Grin

raisedbyguineapigs · 10/12/2016 16:32

I would think they know your income and didn't want to pressurise you into spending too much on their child if they bought an expensive present for yours. In any case, £15 is enough for a baby.

Smilelikeyoufeelit · 10/12/2016 16:38

SIL earns substantially more than us. Two children each, same budget for all of them. I've never thought to question it. The best thing that we did was to knock presents on the head for each other when the children came along as well.

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