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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed (and upset) by my sister and her DH?

131 replies

C0dy · 10/12/2016 12:16

Me and my 4 siblings were left some shares by our late father. The shares did not split exactly into 5 so my youngest sister had one less. It was agreed if we ever benefited financially then we would even that share our by giving her a goth of the price of the share.

The company was sold a few weeks ago and we all got a considerable amount of money (in excess of £50,000). The check itself took a while to be posted out and the funds only cleared in my account a few days ago.

It was agreed when they were sold that we would give my youngest sister the money at Christmas (it works out about £15 from each sibling so £60 all together) and she was fine with this.

Anyway, yesterday me and my other siblings received a message from her DH stating that 'it was getting ridiculous' and sister wants the money now as she is 'anxious' and we have had 'plenty of time' to sort it. I am really upset. I have seven kids (well five of them are over 18 now) a full time job and generally really busy around Christmas (lots to buy etc). Besides this, it was agreed we would give it at Christmas and does she really need the £15 right now?

AIBU to be upset and think he is being extremely rude or is it is for not giving the money straight away?

As to not drip feed her DH has form for speaking for her and doing things similar to this (he has made mum cry with his comments before).

OP posts:
Butterymuffin · 10/12/2016 13:46

I would ring and speak to her before doing anything. That is in no way a normal reaction.

AleHouseWench · 10/12/2016 13:49

Really SnatchedPencil have you actually RTFT? If so I think that's the most tenuous link (psychobabblebullshit) I've ever read on MN Hmm

user1481255172 · 10/12/2016 13:49

I think her husband should not have got involved and you need to call your sister to ask why is your husband texting me if we all agreed you wanted the money in Christmas If you wanted it sooner than you could have told us you didn't need to get your husband to send petty threatening messages. With the reassurance that you care about her and if she does need help in life you are there for her. I find the husband weird

StrangeLookingParasite · 10/12/2016 13:50

This thread is bonkers.

You Are Not Being Unreasonable.

Her DH is a total arse.

Yep.

Dagnabit · 10/12/2016 13:56

Snatched...what's makes you think that the OP and her other siblings don't show her respect?

GinIsIn · 10/12/2016 13:57

snatchedpencil U OK Hun? Confused

Projecting much?! If you RTFT, you would see that the sister had been in full agreement with the plan up to this point, which is what makes it so bizarre!

diddl · 10/12/2016 14:02

Maybe he's a control freak, maybe she's been moaning that she wishes she'd asked for the money straight away?

Either way, I'm not sure why it wouldn't have been paid straight away & it's not a problem to pay it now.

But I guess without knowing why it has come from him, there's no way of knowing if it's indicative of a problem.

schmack · 10/12/2016 14:04

this is the most bizarre thread. You all have £57k sloshing around and they're stressing about £60 and you are delaying paying £15?

bonkers! why didn't you just ask for her bank details when the shares were first being sorted out and send her 15 qu

EweAreHere · 10/12/2016 14:05

It certainly isn't the siblings' fault that the youngest sibling has 1 less share than they do. Their father's will presumably allocated the shares. The fact that they work so hard to even things out, even petty, dinky little amounts like this one, show how much they want the youngest sibling to be treated equally. That speaks well of them.

This scenario does not speak well of the youngest sibling's husband, and possibly the youngest sibling, if she knows about the text, however.

StealthPolarBear · 10/12/2016 14:07

Smack the op offered to. The sister wanted cash

ijustwannadance · 10/12/2016 14:08

Poor Youngest sister being put upon because she ageed to one less share from a pot of £250 grand, which they all intended to pay her for anyway, by xmas. In 2 weeks.

If it was such a massive non issue, why didn't she say so at the time? Pathetic.

baconandeggies · 10/12/2016 14:16

Maybe she said to her DH that he could have the £60, and that's why he's chasing it.

EssentialHummus · 10/12/2016 14:20

Sorry for your loss OP.

TBH, given that you've each gained £50k+, squabbling about £60 is the very definition of splitting hairs, in my opinion. If I was the younger sibling in this scenario, I'd tell you to forget it or pay for a few drinks or a meal the next time we met. I really find it difficult to understand the level of drama this relatively small amount is causing for all of you.

baconandeggies · 10/12/2016 14:22

^ splitting heirs (sorry)

Onthecouchagain · 10/12/2016 14:28

Your squabbling over £15, honest to god that's ridiculous.

YorkiesGlasses · 10/12/2016 14:47

One of them has issues, maybe both. With a windfall of £57,000, I wouldn't be able to care less that my siblings got £15 more each! I might jokingly tell them to pick up the bill for me the next time we have dinner but that's all!

Tootsieglitterballs · 10/12/2016 14:56

I wonder if he doesn't know exactly how much she has got or how much is being owed and thinks it's going to be a lot more....

arthriticfingers · 10/12/2016 14:57

Unless your sister has form, I would be very, very worried about her.
Because, if it is not her, it her abusive, controlling husband who is alienating her closest family.

arthriticfingers · 10/12/2016 14:59

... successfully ...

ZippyNeedsFeeding · 10/12/2016 15:01

What is the husband like usually? Could he be trying to manufacture a feud so that he can separate his wife from her siblings and thus better control her? Or is that unlikely and he is just a bit protective of her?
It could be that she doesn't want to speak up about it but it has really been bothering her for some reason. He might have got fed up of her moaning about it and decided to sort it out himself. The only way to find out is to talk to her without him being around.

TheDevilMadeMeDoIt · 10/12/2016 15:05

Snatched, the thread is only three pages long. Please read them and stop projecting/inventing a whole back story/family history over ONE share

TheDevilMadeMeDoIt · 10/12/2016 15:06

^^ Sorry, five pages. My point stands!

pictish · 10/12/2016 15:10

Wow Snatched - that's some imagination you've got. I'm afraid it's not appropriate when seeking to advise someone about something that's actually occurring though. Maybe put it to use in short stories or something...join a writing class?

ElizabethHoney · 10/12/2016 15:25

She's being ridiculous.

If she's short of money and needs it urgently, she could have said so politely!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 10/12/2016 15:26

Weird.
Can't see why the DH sent the text in the first place, really not his job to do that = first small red flag
Can't at all see why £60 is so important in cash, when you offered to transfer it to bank account immediately - why do they need cash? Why does HE need the cash?

Don't like it. I'd also worry for your sister that he's some kind of control freak, or needed the money for himself.

Maybe ask her if everything is ok when things have settled down a bit...