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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed (and upset) by my sister and her DH?

131 replies

C0dy · 10/12/2016 12:16

Me and my 4 siblings were left some shares by our late father. The shares did not split exactly into 5 so my youngest sister had one less. It was agreed if we ever benefited financially then we would even that share our by giving her a goth of the price of the share.

The company was sold a few weeks ago and we all got a considerable amount of money (in excess of £50,000). The check itself took a while to be posted out and the funds only cleared in my account a few days ago.

It was agreed when they were sold that we would give my youngest sister the money at Christmas (it works out about £15 from each sibling so £60 all together) and she was fine with this.

Anyway, yesterday me and my other siblings received a message from her DH stating that 'it was getting ridiculous' and sister wants the money now as she is 'anxious' and we have had 'plenty of time' to sort it. I am really upset. I have seven kids (well five of them are over 18 now) a full time job and generally really busy around Christmas (lots to buy etc). Besides this, it was agreed we would give it at Christmas and does she really need the £15 right now?

AIBU to be upset and think he is being extremely rude or is it is for not giving the money straight away?

As to not drip feed her DH has form for speaking for her and doing things similar to this (he has made mum cry with his comments before).

OP posts:
creakyknees13 · 10/12/2016 13:07

Actually, maybe I would offer to drive the cash but explain that I will need to take petrol money for doing so and then turn up and given them £2.76. Alternatively, I would give the entire amount in penny coins and remind them that I could have done a bank transfer but that they asked for cash...

CotswoldStrife · 10/12/2016 13:08

Meant to say - do you know if he (her DH) has sent the same message to all the siblings or just you? Is everyone dashing round there with their £15 cash?

ForeverEyesOfBlue · 10/12/2016 13:08

This is bizarre. I like to think that I would tell my siblings just to keep their extra fifteen quid in that situation!

KondosSecretJunkRoom · 10/12/2016 13:09

Something isn't right here, I'd drive the 40 minutes under the guise of handing in the money and get her in her own and find out if she is ok. Her husband sounds like a dick.

creakyknees13 · 10/12/2016 13:10

And if it's the DH and not the sister who is being like this, I would get her a voucher for divorce costs for Christmas. And tell her to ringfence the 57k and not mingle with the other finances in case he tried to get his hands on it.

StealthPolarBear · 10/12/2016 13:10

I don't agree with that. I'd be upset if my siblings didn't acknowledge I'd been treated unequally to begin with and look to rectify it

creakyknees13 · 10/12/2016 13:12

I don't agree with that. I'd be upset if my siblings didn't acknowledge I'd been treated unequally to begin with and look to rectify it

Even if they HAD acknowledged it and you had all agreed a date for it to be received and they had also offered to do a transfer. With the sums involved, it's hardly unequal treatment anyway. She got over 57k and they have agreed to give her the remainder, right down to the last penny.

pictish · 10/12/2016 13:14

Stealth they did...and they did.
They discussed it together. Sister told them to leave it till Christmas. It was fine.
Enter sister's dh - cue madness.

Thattimeofyearagain · 10/12/2016 13:15

The dh sounds like a manipulative twunt.

user1479495984 · 10/12/2016 13:15

He sounds like he needs help.

Blackbird82 · 10/12/2016 13:19

This is absolutely ridiculous. Personally I wouldn't give a toss if I had 60 measly pounds less than my siblings if I'd just inherited almost 60k.

Her husband is a twat. If your sister knows about this and agrees then she is also a twat.

kaputt · 10/12/2016 13:19

Basically your sister is upset over the price of buying each of you a takeaway.

Very weird.

Memoires · 10/12/2016 13:25

Sounds like her dh wants £60 quid.....

Send her a text saying "ds will be round with your money today" and see if she knows anything about it.

AmeliaJack · 10/12/2016 13:26

I'm with Kondo I'd be driving to check my sister was ok.

After all why wouldn't you send a quick text saying "changed my mind can I have a bank transfer now please?"

Something's wrong here.

galaxygirl45 · 10/12/2016 13:30

I don't think it's remotely unreasonable - her DH getting involved in it is!! Money makes people behave very oddly, and to be making an issue over £60 is frankly ludicrous. I'd say there are some big issues going on in that marriage, and I'd want to make sure that my sister is OK when he's not around. And make a point of texting him back to say that you are so very sorry that that the £15 has caused such stress and worry for him, it must be very important and needed, and you are sorry for the oversight ie be as sarcastic as humanly possible.

HaveNoSocks · 10/12/2016 13:32

So bizarre, it would never occur to me that anyone who had just got a 50k windfall would be so desperate for £15 and if they were they can just get the bank transfer. Maybe she/her DH had the hump on principle that they were the one chosen to get slightly less. Still seems incredibly petty.

Dagnabit · 10/12/2016 13:33

Sounds like youngest dsis feels hard done by...despite receiving so much money and a share of the extra...I wish I could be anxious and upset by having just under 60 grand in the bank!

Bestthingever · 10/12/2016 13:33

Op you sound like you have tried to be fair and reasonable. Personally I would have just let the money go if I was the younger sister. It's tiny in relation to the total. I would fucking kill my dh if he spoke for me about family money matters. He sounds like a control freak.

NiceFalafels · 10/12/2016 13:36

I'd message him and her back 'oh, I had no idea sister wanted the cash before xmas. Last month she said she was happy to receive it on he 25th December. Anyway, DS is delivering the cheque now'

LagunaBubbles · 10/12/2016 13:38

This is bonkers! The OP was quite clear about the money being £15 from each sibling - sister has received £57, 000 and she's anxious about £60 not being transferred! Unless it's just her DH and she knows nothing about text if she was happy to wait.

ChuckGravestones · 10/12/2016 13:41

Perhaps he thinks you will all forget and it is best sorted now. Which it is.

Perhaps he wants the money to go and get hammered. We have no idea.

EweAreHere · 10/12/2016 13:42

Your having to have it hand delivered 40 minutes away probably costs more in fuel (round trip) than the £15 ... esp if all the siblings are having to do the same.

Her husband sounds like an absolute bean-counting nut job, making me wonder if your sister is, too. I can't even begin to imagine getting the tiniest bit upset over having £60 less than my siblings if we all got over £50k to begin with!

Is she ok in her marriage?

SnatchedPencil · 10/12/2016 13:45

It sounds like the younger sister is the one who is always being "put upon". When the shares were dished out, guess who got the short straw! If she has been ignored by her elder siblings or treated like an irrelevance or inconvenience, having grown up with that emotional burden it is unsurprising that she hasn't developed the ability to handle a domineering husband.

If someone has been a victim in their childhood they are more likely to be a victim in their adult life. Her siblings saw her as an inconvenience and naturally chose her to receive one share less. They were probably furious that she got to share the money at all, reducing the amount they got. Now she's getting it from both directions, her husband telling her she is week and her siblings still pissed off that she got a share of the money.

Just pay her the money, and please try to show her some more respect.

StealthPolarBear · 10/12/2016 13:46

I was disagreeing with a pp who said they'd just tell their siblings to keep it

chinam · 10/12/2016 13:46

Another one wondering if your sister is okay. Her DHs actions are odd, to say the least.

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