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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed (and upset) by my sister and her DH?

131 replies

C0dy · 10/12/2016 12:16

Me and my 4 siblings were left some shares by our late father. The shares did not split exactly into 5 so my youngest sister had one less. It was agreed if we ever benefited financially then we would even that share our by giving her a goth of the price of the share.

The company was sold a few weeks ago and we all got a considerable amount of money (in excess of £50,000). The check itself took a while to be posted out and the funds only cleared in my account a few days ago.

It was agreed when they were sold that we would give my youngest sister the money at Christmas (it works out about £15 from each sibling so £60 all together) and she was fine with this.

Anyway, yesterday me and my other siblings received a message from her DH stating that 'it was getting ridiculous' and sister wants the money now as she is 'anxious' and we have had 'plenty of time' to sort it. I am really upset. I have seven kids (well five of them are over 18 now) a full time job and generally really busy around Christmas (lots to buy etc). Besides this, it was agreed we would give it at Christmas and does she really need the £15 right now?

AIBU to be upset and think he is being extremely rude or is it is for not giving the money straight away?

As to not drip feed her DH has form for speaking for her and doing things similar to this (he has made mum cry with his comments before).

OP posts:
YelloDraw · 10/12/2016 12:50

I would defo call her. Say "really sorry you're upset by not having the £15 already, I hadn't realised it was an issue since we'd said sort it at Christmas. I'll make the transfer now - can you give me bank details. By the way - is everything alright.."

Because getting this stressed over £75 when you've just had £50,000 is not normal.

ijustwannadance · 10/12/2016 12:50

Anxious over £60 (or £15 if others have paid already) when you have just received shy of £57 fucking grand?! Seriously?

If she already agreed to get it by xmas then it's her husband being a grabby twat.

SVJAA · 10/12/2016 12:51

OP has already said the husband refused the offer of a bank transfer and also that is was £15 not £15k. So they have 56 grand in the bank and he's getting arsey over £15 and refusing a bank transfer demanding cash. OP he sounds like a dick. I'm not well off at all and wouldn't be so cunty about £15, never mind if I had £50 k in the bank!

Notonthestairs · 10/12/2016 12:52

I'm sorry but call me a spendthrift but if I had just received a cheque for £56940 no way would I be stressing/anxious over £60. Especially if I had told my siblings to pay at Christmas.

NavyandWhite · 10/12/2016 12:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Notonthestairs · 10/12/2016 12:54

Also refusing a bank transfer and insisting someone drives over either the cash is just plain weird (or spiteful)

ALittleMop · 10/12/2016 12:54

He is trying to drive a wedge between your sister and her family.

He has probably been wringing his hands about how unfairly she has been treated to get one less share, since the inheritance was settled.

Atenco · 10/12/2016 12:56

And her husband sounds abusive. If she is indeed anxious, that's probably bc of him

I sounds like you BIL is doing his darndest to alienate his wife from the rest of what sounds like a lovely family. There is no other explanation in my book for this behaviour.

altiara · 10/12/2016 12:56

I'd be annoyed too, she's just received £57k and she wants you to drive for 40 minutes with £15 in cash. I'm afraid I would've ignored her DH until she mentioned herself that she's changed her mind. Or billed her DH petrol money. Or deducted the price of a stamp and posted it.
I know £60 is a lot of money to some people but when you've just received £57k it really is not. Maybe she's keeping the money in her account and her DH is pissed off.

NavyandWhite · 10/12/2016 12:57

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AcrossthePond55 · 10/12/2016 12:58

I think I'd assume that her 'd'H is bullying or emotionally abusing her. Poor thing is probably embarrassed. Hell, she may not even know he's done this!

Interesting the 'd'H asked for cash. Probably so he could pocket it himself. If it's not too late, I'd ask DS to get a 'receipt' for the cash for 'estate legal purposes' so the 'd'H doesn't pop up in a few months and try to collect again!

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 10/12/2016 12:59

So shares are worth £75 each. You all got ((roughly) 764 each and sold for £57,300. She got 763 and sold for £57,225.

You have all agreed to give her £15 at Xmas (as suggested by her).

And now she is kicking off and needs the money as cash right now not bank transfer.

Either something very worrying is going on (serious debt problems? Abusive husband?) or they need to have a lot more sex!

SpookyPotato · 10/12/2016 13:00

This is really weird... yes she is owed it and yes a transfer takes minutes, but why the stress and anxiety over £15? It makes no sense. Is he normally so difficult?

NavyandWhite · 10/12/2016 13:00

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GinIsIn · 10/12/2016 13:01

Unless your sister has form for flying off the handle at trivia, something doesn't seem right here. Can you ask her for coffee to see if she's ok?

Has the DH misunderstood the deal and thinks it's a much greater amount than £15?

AcrossthePond55 · 10/12/2016 13:01

Oh, and after the holidays I think I'd take DSis out for lunch and ask her if everything was OK.

Bogeyface · 10/12/2016 13:02

I wonder what has happened to the other money, does she has access to it or has he put it in "savings" so she cant get to it? Maybe thats why she needs the cash.

He sounds like a controlling abusive arse. Can you talk to her without him being there to find out if everything is ok?

DinosaursRoar · 10/12/2016 13:03

hmm, not wanting it transfered but wanting the cash then her DH chasing on her behalf when she's just got £57k, seems odd. Is there something dodgey going on with them? Is he controlling the finances?

StealthPolarBear · 10/12/2016 13:04

Thank you tiej! Was starting to think I was reading a different thread, people telling her to just transfer the money (after she'd already said she'd offered ) and questioning the amount.

LindyHemming · 10/12/2016 13:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

shockthemonkey · 10/12/2016 13:06

Sister's dh is being very silly.

creakyknees13 · 10/12/2016 13:06

My gosh. I would say I will do bank transfer or you can wait until Christmas. No way would I drive over there with £15 in cash. What's wrong with these people? She has had over 50k and she is throwing a hissy fit over £60.

reallybadidea · 10/12/2016 13:06

This thread is totally weird. The OP is completely clear and transparent and yet the thread is full of people who apparently can't read and keep asking the OP to clarify, or just decide that the OP can't possibly have written the correct amounts and so just decide to make up their own version of the amounts involved. FFS.

YANBU OP. If I was your sister I wouldn't even care about the £60 full stop, it's really not worth worrying about.

CotswoldStrife · 10/12/2016 13:07

Is there any way to speak to her, OP? Preferably without her DH around to see what is going on? It does seem strange to demand £60 in the circumstances!

We (me and DH) have also been on the receiving end of unusual behaviour from siblings over inheritances though, so I can see it happening!

StealthPolarBear · 10/12/2016 13:07

But afree the dh is unreasonable. The sister probably isn't