To stick to the bloody court order!!

[Mooey89]

I genuinely don't know if IABU and petty or not.
Abusive ex pushes boundaries absolutely constantly.

We were in court on Monday for a child arrangements order directions hearing.

Initially he has been given 4 hours per week. The dates and times are set out in a schedule which we both have a copy of.
Because he uses handovers to be abusive, it was agreed that either a)his brother or of unavailable my partner would meet at the local shop to handover.

This was agreed in court and is in an order.
This is in part so that there is no need to text for arrangements - he was constantly texting me abusive messages multiple times per day.

He's just text to say: 'my parents will collect from your house tomorrow at 1'.

I have no issue with his parents at all. But this is not what the order says and it's the first contact and it's the start of the pushing of the boundaries!

WIBU to say no, DP will meet him or his parents at the shop as per order? Or is that ridiculously petty??

Stick to the court order. He's just trying to make life difficult/ control you in anyway he can.

Please don't respond to the texts in a goady way, as suggested above. Saying this is all great evidence to him, rather than just collecting it for future use, will wind him up and alert him to be more snidey and secretly manipulative. Just stick to the court order and keep your side reasonable and dignified.

DO NOT respond to his texts at all. Follow the court order, do not engage.

Did he turn up today? I agree with everyone else, stick rigidly to the court order do not deviate from what it says at all, as if you give him an inch he will push every time to change something.

Can his parents pick the dc up or should it be him/his brother as court ordered? I'd be wary that this could be see as you deviating from the order.

Tbh i wouldn't engage with the parents if they turn up. Your under no obligation to do so. Unless you get on well with them I wouldn't bother

When i tried to explain why I wouldn't hand over to them under similar circumstances, my exMIL hurled a load of abuse at me then deliberately walked in front of my car as I tried to drive off. (Thank god I was still slow enough to stop).

In your situation I would actively avoid being anywhere near.

I get on well with MIL, overall. BIL is collecting at 12:55 to walk him to the shop.
I'm fulfilling my side to the letter.

I agree with previous posters who have suggested that you go out of the house for the hour or so before the designated meet up, just to avoid any risk of being pressured to give in. Can you forward his texts to your solicitor now, so there is evidence he's breaking the order?

Why are you responding to his texts?

TBH if I was being jerked around to that point, right after a court order has been made, I'd be down my solicitor's this week, asking her to sort out a Prohibited Steps order or similar, as I said above, and to get another hearing scheduled to address all of this.

And push for a contact centre and supervised contact only.

Hiya im in a simular sitation, i need some advice over going to court to try make an agreed routine for my little one for when she goes to see her dad.. he doesnt stick to it so ive had enough..

Hi mc...
If there is no DV involved, you will be expected to attend mediation. Through mediation you may be able to reach a contact schedule that you can both agree to. If not, you would need to go to Family Court for a Child Arrangements Order (CAO).

Just to say, though, that if the problem is the other parent not having the child, neither of those options are likely to fix it. The arrangements set out when you have to make the child available. It would stop the situation on this thread where the other parent wants to make last minute changes to contact arrangements. I don't know if that helps your situation?

2016

mc1999

You will be better starting your own thread as people often don’t respond to old threads that have been bumped up.