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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not invite my neighbour in?

38 replies

DaniMackerel · 10/12/2016 07:12

My neighbour moved in to the flat next door about 2 years ago and she's alway knocking on my door and asking for stuff. She asks to borrow loo roll, ibuprofen, money, my wifi! I always oblige.

Also I often look after her dd and she has never even invited my kids round once. Admittedly her flat is quite small so I can sort of understand this.

Anyway, the other day we were having a small family gathering for dd1s birthday. Neighbour and her dd knocked on the door, said she wanted to give dd1 a birthday treat.....ta-da - a bag of Haribos! I think they wanted to be invited in but I took the sweets, got dd to say thank you then said my polite goodbyes. AIBU to want this woman to go away and leave me alone!

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 10/12/2016 07:13

How cheeky!

HaveNoSocks · 10/12/2016 07:16

YANBU. If I could hear someone was having a party I wouldn't have knocked to present a little bag of haribos. She sounds annoying, I wouldn't want to encourage her either.

Original poster
DaniMackerel · 10/12/2016 07:25

Yes- good point havenosocks! If I knew she had people over I wouldn't have knocked on her door. I think i need to put up some boundaries!

OP posts:
Lireal · 10/12/2016 07:40

Sounds very tiresome. She's taking advantage. Just be too busy from now on.

Collaborate · 10/12/2016 07:47

Change your wifi password.

NoahVale · 10/12/2016 07:47

aw, where is your neighbourly spirit Wink

EmpressOfTheSpartacusOceans · 10/12/2016 07:47

Does she ever return any of the stuff she "borrows" before asking for the next thing?

hesterton · 10/12/2016 07:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pasturesgreen · 10/12/2016 07:52

I'd start 'running out' of the stuff she comes to borrow. Oh, and yy to changing your wifi password asap!

You do not want I the situation to escalate to the point of the harassing neighbour on another thread.

Imknackeredzzz · 10/12/2016 07:54

Change your wifi password!!!!!

Original poster
DaniMackerel · 10/12/2016 07:54

EmpressOfTheSpartacusOceans - she is good about giving back the things she borrows. She almost uses all this as an excuse to drop round. I think she's lonely which is why I'm slightly torn about it all.

OP posts:
Cosmicglitterpug · 10/12/2016 07:55

Say 'no, I don't have loo roll/pain killers etc'
Change wifi.
Don't look after her daughter.
Do you like her?

JustSpeakSense · 10/12/2016 07:56

Change your wifi password.

Start saying no.

Charlesroi · 10/12/2016 07:59

Buy a roll of Izal and give her that next time she's on the cadge for loo roll Grin (seriously - smart price loo roll is a quid for six - no need to lend her the luxury stuff)
Tell her you haven't got any cash.

You're too nice OP. She'll never leave you alone if you keep giving her stuff.

Original poster
DaniMackerel · 10/12/2016 08:00

hesterton - she does have redeeming qualities. She's very sweet natured ive never heard her say a bad word about anyone. But she is also quite manipulative and always likes to get people to run around after her. She probably doesn't realise she's doing it.

I'll take your advice and try to shift the relationship in a different direction.

OP posts:
Original poster
DaniMackerel · 10/12/2016 08:02

Ha ha love it Charlesroi!

OP posts:
Ditsy4 · 10/12/2016 08:05

Sounds lonely. At least she gives it back. Could you sometimes lend it? Is there a Community Centre nearby that you could go for a coffee and introduce her to another place where she could mix?
I don't think you were wrong to turn her away in that situation.

TheLaundryLady · 10/12/2016 08:16

She sounds lonely , but she is taking advantage of your good nature.
Maybe just be a little less available for her from now on ?

AddToBasket · 10/12/2016 08:23

If she's basically benign then I wouldn't do much.

You were quite right not to invite her in if you didn't want to. It sounds like you are the sort of person who can stick to your boundaries and won't get taken for a ride.

If it was me I would keep lending ibuprofen or whatever - purely because she returns them and I just don't mind helping people out that way.

The having her dd over is more complicated. Do you mind it?

TheLaundryLady · 10/12/2016 08:25

The lending things wouldn't bother me either as she returns them. The wifi - well as long as she's not increasing your bill then no harm done, however, given my recent experiences with a so called friend I would be wary of the childminding aspect

ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 10/12/2016 08:26

Definitely change the wifi password and don't tell her what it is again! Say too much data being used you were struggling to stream stuff yourself if she asks.

vdbfamily · 10/12/2016 08:46

I think it sounds like you have been doing a good neighbourly job of supporting someone who sounds a bit needy.As long as it does not become unmanageable I would carry on. If as a society, more people took a view that rather than just look after ourselves we need to keep an eye out for the more vulnerable, the world would be a different place. It is not the governments job to look after the needy, it is the job of each and every one of us to do our bit. I say, carry on as you have been, try and get to know her a bit better and see if you can help her try and increase her support systems so it is not all on your shoulders.

toptoe · 10/12/2016 08:47

Never give out your wifi password. Puts you at massive risk as none of your online banking etc is secure then. That's something no-one should ask for. Like a pin no etc

Original poster
DaniMackerel · 10/12/2016 08:47

Loads of great advice here! I think I'll always help her out if she genuinely needs it but I think she's just looking for a social. She's very outgoing and sociable while I'm more private and a bit of a homebody. I didn't use to mind having her daughter round. I invited her lots when they first moved in but the more I gave the more she took. She started asking me to have her dd overnight so she could go out with friends. I'm not overly keen on sleepovers as I have a small flat and get no rest!

OP posts:
TheLaundryLady · 10/12/2016 08:51

Very good point about wifi toptoe.

I would be very careful about been her childcare / overnight care to facilitate her lifestyle- do not do anything that you are not comfortable with