Women who are single and have no children, post 45?

[missmase8]

This is what I'm facing so I'm not being nasty. I'm just wondering if loneliness is inevitable and things like holidays and so on (I know you can go alone but this isn't for me) any advice?

Not necessarily. I have children (well grown up now) and I guess my next phase is grandchildren. Been with OH years now. One of my best friends is older than me, childless, no partner right now

We still have a social life together, normally out at least once a fortnight. We are dance/music enthusiasts with common interests. We've just started going to Salsa classes once a week. She sees other friends too and seems quite happy and upbeat

I think people get lonely when they don't bother with a social life. Particularly if living in a big city, there are so many opportunities to take up different hobbies and activities, meet people.

There's plenty of women and men on their own after they've split up or sadly their partner has died. And even for people with children there's no guarantee they will visit very often. But I think as time goes on you do have to make more effort to join things and socialise if you don't want to be lonely. And not all couples share the same interests. I'd rather be married though even if DH has his faults. (So do I of course)

My Dh and I went through ivf . Successful. After two rounds. Point is that I contemplated life without and later. I have an aunt and uncle who despite being near 60are probably the youngest people i know they struggled with infertilitybut found a life after as did my cousin. I would have too. Its about finding a reason to keep on trucking. Many people i look after have not had partners or families . Few have regrets in later life . I would have regretted not trying but thats me . Had it not worked Id have taken on something else. Probably travel. Theres life out there to experience. Dont lose hope.

Why no travel? There are advantages to travelling while single. You can go wherever you want and don't have to rely on leave syncing up. Yes, it can be lonely sometimes but it's still worth it. I'm single and 40ish. Travel is a huge passion of mine and there's no way the lack of a husband / partner is going to stop me having holidays.

The one big drawback is it can be more expensive as a single but you either suck it up or find ways around it.

I have to say, I agree with some PP.
Hav7ng two team atm, and thinking about my life in 6~7 years time when I will be with no dcs at home, I’m thinking.... FREEDOM.
Freedom to do what I want re the business, to live where I want (not tie up to one place due to exams etc...), do what I want of my weekends etc...

I can’t say I regret having children. But I look at what women my age who don’t have children, maybe don’t have a partner either and the opportunities they’ve had is amazing compared to me (and the energy!!).

Fwiw I appreciate that you are not in. That situation. BUT it’s also worth remembering that once your children have grown up, you might well not see them that often (like I did with my own parents - we get on extremely well but lived in different countries for about 20 years). You might have had a partner but got divorced. There are plenty of other women with a different story to yours that will find themselves living in their own at your age.
What I see them doing is going away in hols wi th friends, booking a hols around a shred interest (let’s say yoga) so they can socialise with people during that time etc....
You need to remember that in a few years these are people who will also be on their own with no dcs at home!

erm.... This isn't a criticism because I'm one of them, but why are there so many 40 to 50, single childless women on a forum dedicated to mums?

I'm on here because often the threads are incredibly funny and the relationships thread remind me why I don't want a partner.

I know plenty of people (men and women) who for one reason or another never had children of their own but then ended up with step children. Others who found the love of their life and others who just learned to love their own company. You don't have to be lonely if you don't want to be.

"Well I think I will really, I've never had a relationship. I do have friends but they have husbands and children. So these come first."

Very true! One gets into this situation slowly after 30s and 40s. Because at some point people get married and have a family. So, they get busy with their own lives.

Perhaps you could start a new business and get into Entrepreneurship. It could possibly keep you busy and you might get a chance to connect with people.

I don't think loneliness is inevitable - it depends entirely on your personality & circumstances. If you want company you'll be able to find it by volunteering or joining in with social activities locally. One of our neighbours, an unmarried only child who's now in her late 80s, has always had a wide circle of friends & done a lot of things with them (although as they all get older the number does dwindle of course, sadly).

I'm 66, have DH & grown-up kids; I'm not the outgoing sociable type so I like having their company, occasionally, on my terms They've all left home - currently 2 are abroad, 1 is distant in UK, 1 is fairly local, but mostly they aren't here. We generally communicate via whatsapp!

A single childless friend of the same age as me, who is the sociable type & is very energetic, has loads of friends, does loads of activities, & isn't ever lonely as far as I can tell. She did have a long-term partner who died much too young - they travelled a lot, & I know she misses him, but that's not a massive factor in her life & she still travels without him. (Also she recently got a rescue dog & is very happy about that!)

56, and single, myself, and also appreciate what its like to not have a lot of money, and how that can limit opportunities. What I've done is been careful about where I live - I moved a few years ago from a London suburb to a town with a strong community spirit so there's lots to do, quite often at low cost. For example, I volunteer in a local art gallery - sitting in the gallery to keep an eye on displays and chatting to visitors. I also help out at the Christmas community meal, getting the room decorated and serving meals on the day. And a free lunch if I want one!

Both of those would count as volunteering, but I get out of them much more than I put in.

I do sometimes wish I'd got someone else to share the worry, the decisions and the bills, but I also love the freedom of not having to consider anyone else's wishes or taste - my house is exactly how I like it, and I spend my time as I want. And when I've done something I'm proud of, by myself - like a lot of decorating this spring, or digging a small pond, I pat myself on the back and tell myself how brilliant I am!

There are two women I know well who are/were 40+, single and childless.

One of them went through a break-up in her early 40s and she spent a while mourning the future she thought she would have. She stopped babysitting for anyone and walked away from any discussions about DCs, because she found it too upsetting. She's now almost 50, and she appreciates lie ins at the weekend, "me time" and freedom to do what she wants without having to sort out other people (not just "big things" like travel. just going to the shops without having to get a toddler to comply!). She does a couple of sociable hobbies, and has met a group of people who all love going to the theatre together. She has admitted she still finds things like baby showers hard, but she's now happy being childless and isn't looking for a serious relationship.

The other was desperately waiting to meet the right man to marry and start a family with. When she turned 40, she decided that she wanted children, even if it meant being a single mum. Within a couple of years, she had adopted a gorgeous little girl. She's an amazing mum, and she's now applied to adopt a second child.

Even people with children and partners get lonely. In fact if you have family and they can’t be bothered with you it’s even worse.
My advice is be nice to people and they will be nice back. Nothing is free, friends take effort and at times compromise. It’s crap when they want to chat and you have stuff to do but it’s the dull and non eventful crap that binds friends.

Have you thought about foster parenting? Not easy but an incredibly valuable and (sometimes) rewarding thing to do.

I'm single, post-45, and while I do have a teenage DS, am very careful to not put my expectations of future happiness on his shoulders - I want him to have his own life! I don't expect to be lonely, because I have friends.

I really doubt that a man would worry like this. Would they?

I didn't realise this was an old thread, started reading it and found a post I'd written back in February when I was OhBlissOhJoy. If anyone is still reading that posted back the, thank you. My life couldn't be more different now! I've come to terms with the breakup of my relationship, put myself out there - it's been hard work but I'm a different person now, so much more confident and independent. Gateway has been amazing, I've met such good friends there, and have also thrown myself into Meetups. I actually now run two of my own groups! I met up with an old friend recently and she was gobsmacked at how much I've come out of my shell in the past year!

OP, I doubt you are still here, but come back and let us know how you are doing if you are.

Hello I know I’m late joining discussion, I’m 35 soon to be 36 year old. I’ve never been in a proper committed relationship, I’m single have no children (not through choice at all) and I don’t have many friends. I feel I am in a real quandary I look on Facebook at the people I went to school with, they have the life I want children and a partner.

I am no way a victim I get on with it the best I can, but I feel empty and that nobody finds me attractive or even wants to get to know me it hurts