This is how I want to live in my retirement/if I found myself alone - AIBU?

[PacificDogwod]

They were in the news this morning

I had never heard of this group and know nothing about them specifically.

But surely the idea of living in larger groups while your privacy is also maintained, but with support of others around you is the way forward?
I do NOT expect nor want my DCs to care for me - if they want to be in contact with me, great, but I know I cannot make them and I would not wish them to feel obliged (I've seen my mother almost finished off by caring for my demented grandmother who lived to 101 ).

It's the idea of community that appeals.
That, and no men - they just complicate things!

What are your thoughts?

For all self-confessed anti-social gits, there's plenty of one bedroom flats out there - I think DH will move in to one of them, when I move to the convent/commune

DH and I live in a one bedroom maisonette now and I'd be quite happy to live here when I'm getting on a bit - my own place with a little garden. I wish DM would move into one (not too near me!) but she won't.

I think I would love to live in an OAP Stars Hollow type place. Although the houses/flats look a little ugly in the pictures. Nice idea though.

I think it's a good idea to combat any potential loneliness, but I love the idea of living out in a cottage with some animals in my twilight years and able to still care for myself.

it is unlikely that sort of thing will replace the very intensive care required for very elderly or infirm people.

Yes, true.
But that's not who this is aimed at.
Nursing care will be required for many people and co-housing is not the answer to that need.

I think it appealed to me so much because I have such regular dealings with lonely, unhappy, isolated elderly people without serious medical/dementia problems who would benefit from this concept, whether male or female.

The thing that strikes me - especially having seen them interviewed on the television news too - is that these ladies seemed to be almost certainly the sort of people who wouldn't be isolated and lonely anyway. They are the kind of strong, active women that would already belong to so many things, and be involved with so many things it wouldn't really matter where they lived.
I know LOADS of ladies in their 70s and 80s who are not lonely or isolated, because they join things. I had one elderly neighbour who used to just sit in his front room all day looking out of the window, but he (nor his wife when she was alive) would never engage. He was only a year of two older than other neighbours across the road from me, who are constantly visited, and phoned, and taken out places by people, because they are the kind of people who used to belong to lots of things and have many friends, They also are friendly and welcoming when you knock their door - completely the opposite of the chap that sits there alone.

I've no doubt that someone will come and tell me a tale of why their Gran ended up alone, and circumstances can make that happen, but, by and large, this is about choices you make, IME.

I often worry how I'd cope if DH dies before me, which is likely because women generally outlive men, plus he's 8 years older than me. I'm terrified of becoming lonely and isolated, and this sort of living would be ideal for me, whether women only or mixed.

I'm in my 40s now and hope there will be lots of these schemes by the time i''m old enough to need it.

It'll soon be easy to meet up and chat with people in VR, just keep up to date and make sure you are au fait with tech

The internet already makes it easy for people who are fairly solitary to interact and engage

When i''m old, I think I will want real company, not just internet contact.

The thing that strikes me - especially having seen them interviewed on the television news too - is that these ladies seemed to be almost certainly the sort of people who wouldn't be isolated and lonely anyway.

Yes, I think that is true.
Not sure what the way round that is frankly.
I too know elderly people who do nothing but sit at home and watch TV all day, getting more infirm and less physically and mentally agile in the process, but declining all opportunities to get out and engage with something.

It sounds good, similar to Chelsea Pensioners (originally men, now mixed) but are alone. The community is there to fall back on if needed or you can be independent and its success will depend on those who run it. It's a nice idea to have people around who are similar in age.
One of my friends lives in a '55s and older' block. When she shuts her door she might as well be alone - she suffered a fall and if a friend hadn't called her she could have lain for for quite a bit longer. Love the idea in principle.

The Threshold Centre is another co-housing community that has quite a number of older residents.

Having lived in an intentional community in the past, and knowing a few others on various points of the sliding scale from loose village type arrangements to much closer knit communities, I'd say there are pluses and minuses.
IME quite a few people (of all ages) who move to this sort of environment have a tendency to depression / isolation and choose it because of that reason. If you're a social outgoing type maybe you don't feel the need?

Why does it need to be just women? Because the women who thought of it, raised money for it and live in it want it to be. No other reason needed, surely?

A bit like male only golf clubs then? And we all know what we are supposed to think of those.

It's only a matter of time until a man with time on his hands and some financial backing announces he is a woman who just happens to like having balls and a beard and referring to himself as male, and if they won't let him move in he's going to sue...

(Wets self)

It'll soon be easy to meet up and chat with people in VR, just keep up to date and make sure you are au fait with tech

The internet already makes it easy for people who are fairly solitary to interact and engage

There is no substitute for actual human, physical contact.

(when I say physical, I just mean people in close, social proximity to you)

In practice, it's a good idea but I feel a group of women together would pretty quickly devolve into the same hierarchy we had at school with one person as Queen Bee, and then different cliques etc.

I'd prefer it to be mixed couples living in the same community but with the same principles of looking after each other and what have you.

As an aside, me and 4 of my female friends have decided that if we all end up widowers, we'll sell up and move to Cornwall or the South of France, live together and drink wine and gossip all day, like the Golden Girls.

That's much more appealing to me! [Grin]

I think many people are stuck with a little bit of an old-fashioned image of housing for older people: basically horrible care homes that are a last resort. Extracare housing of all kinds is really changing all that, with people moving in while they are still relatively young and active and able to gel into a really vibrant community. It's not a necessity that is submitted to reluctantly, but an aspirational choice that many people are starting to make. I'm a big fan of the idea of putting some of these developments in city centres, where people can go in and out and mix with the community, rather than turning them into enclaves with their own shops.

I'd prefer somewhere where there were both men and women, but it looks like the people who live there are very happy with it. Either way I'd be pretty nervous about moving into a residential home, as you don't automatically get on with people just because you're the same age in the same house (yes, the same as halls of residence really!) I like companionship but only with really nice people, not bossy/critical types.

In practice, it's a good idea but I feel a group of women together would pretty quickly devolve into the same hierarchy we had at school with one person as Queen Bee, and then different cliques etc.

Why do so many people on here hate women so much?

People have complained about mumsnet being full of gossip and backstabbing. Well, I mostly hang out in the feminist chat, and I haven't noticed that sort of thing.

However, I have noticed plenty of hierarchy with an alpha male in mixed groups.

Clearly, the solution is a feminist commune.

Feminist and for introverts, perhaps. I don't want the feeling of pressure to socialize. But it would be nice to have a system of support, where if the light in your flat isn't switched on or off for two days in a row, someone will come investigate.
We could all be introverted together and no one would complain about others not being social enough - that would remove about half of the problem potential already.

I plan to set up a cohousing scheme for retirees, when I get closer to that age. Perhaps in Spain (Brexit permitting - well that was the plan, a bilingual commune).
I wouldn't mind a wimmin-only cohousing project, but would be fine with men there too, as long as they conform to the feminist eco egalitarian principles..
We will all drink G&T and play scrabble (bi-lingually), before sharing lifts into town.

bowiefan please can I come too? And can I bring my cat???

Yes, I can see how variation on the theme could be very fun successful

My aunt who lives in Germany moved in to a small self-contained flat within a high-rises building which allows her to live totally independently. She has one bedroom, a living room with dining area with a small kitchenette and a bathroom with bath and 'roll on/roll off' (her words ) shower.
Within the same building, there is a hairdresser and a restaurant. The restaurant kitchen will also deliver to the flats if requested/required. There is care staff available who can provide care short- or medium term (say, if you break a leg, but have the expectation to get better, and only need intermittent help) and a wing where nursing care can be provided 24/7, again for short-term care. Separated from that, there is a longterm care and also nursing home for people who can no longer live independently. There's also a hairdresser and a nail bar...
She made the decision to move there when my uncle died. She decluttered and sold a huge house and most of its contents when she was in her early 70s, fit and well and made a conscious PLAN for her older age. So far she has not needed any of the added caring facilities and she is now 85.

I think these kind of models will become more common, even for those who are less attracted to the idea of 'co-operative' and co-housing with its connotations to 'commune' and 'feminists'' and who fear single sex living.

Oh, and my aunt and her fellow residents are also allowed cats.

Although the south of France has obvious attractions, of course.
I do wonder who many people are not actually realistic about what they are going to need or want when they are older or indeed very old.

I like the sound of the introverted feminist one!

pacific the arrangements you describe are EXACTLY what I'd be looking for. The option of independence, a cat and company/support if I need it.

I hope more and more of these set ups become available, so that me and the cat are sorted if DH dies before me.