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AIBU?

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Original poster

I bought my council house...I feel horribly guilty and anxious

307 replies

RodMunch · 09/12/2016 10:49

I got it for less than half market value, we had a small deposit too so as a result our mortgage is miniscule. DH earns well and because of this, I don't really need to work. I have 3 dc, 2 at school and the littlest is 3. I do some voluntary work but mostly just stay at home with him.

We have had the house a year in January. I feel incredibly guilty seeing my friends suffer juggling jobs and childcare and stuff and paying loads out in rent / mortgage. The only reason we could TTC for dc3 was due to being in a council property so the rent was ok. It sucks and its unfair ...I don't deserve what I have...I got the house originally by the skin of my teeth 8 years ago as a single mum, no one gets houses now and I have taken another one away. and I am part of the unfairness and I don't like myself much for it :(

It sounds mad...I can't believe my luck but feel I don't deserve it. DH and I are happy and the DC want for nothing but I honestly feel like something is going to go horribly wrong for us as a sort of karma. Blush

I identify as left wing yet I feel like I have completely gone against my principles and profited massively from a Tory policy that has ruined council housing in this country.

OP posts:
formerbabe · 09/12/2016 11:42

Many who are egalitarian are concerned with equality of opportunity, not strict equality in everything

How convenient...

MissStein · 09/12/2016 11:43

MissStein That is the biggest i'm ok sod everyone else' post I've seen on here in a while hmm Yes, how dare i put my family first, how very shit of me!

If you want someone to blame, try the fucking (Tory and Labour) politicians who have the power which they use to introduce policies that target and hit the poor disproportionately. And then the wider picture, who votes them into power? I do my bit by voting elsewhere, because thats about the only power i have.

alotlikeChristmas16 · 09/12/2016 11:45

come on, wanting to have your own home at a mortgage rate that isn't going to cripple your family hardly makes you Dr evil. I do find however all the 'identifying left' people slamming the Op who clearly has serious anxiety problems to be lacking basic human compassion (wait, isn't that a 'left wing' value?) as well as being self righteous and most likely hypocritical themselves.

SurlyValentine · 09/12/2016 11:46

"Once you're in a council house, do they stop checking you're still entitled to have it? If you could get married to a well-paid man and have several thousand in the bank, you surely no longer actually qualified for that house. Don't they check?"

Basically, no they don't. As long as the rent is paid, local authorities seem to care very little about whether the tenant is still in need of that property.

Since the Social Sector Size Criteria (AKA bedroom tax) came in for those on Housing Benefit, LA Housing departments have had to get more pro-active about the properties their tenants are living in, sometimes offering incentives to people to move to the appropriately-sized property for their household when one became available.

"Pay to Stay" was supposed to be the next thing, with social rents being increased to open market levels. This would have required more intervention from LAs and housing associations, to assess their tenants' incomes, but Pay to Stay has now been shelved.

dangermouseisace · 09/12/2016 11:47

The right to buy system is not your fault.

Who knows what draconian thing the Tories will bring in the future- pay to stay was ruled out but maybe if you hadn't bought they would have found some other way to get you out of your family home years down the line, or make you pay market rent that you might find more difficult to afford.

EmeliaHerveyHenryFitzroy · 09/12/2016 11:49

formerbabe eh? It's not difficult to live a naice life, have social principles and still work towards a more egalitarian society.

I don't mind if that makes me a hypocrite, there are far worse things to be.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 09/12/2016 11:49

I don't think this thread is good for your anxiety. I wonder if you feel better having something concrete to worry about rather than dealing with a generalised feeling of anxiety. You didn't create the system, you've just taken advantage of an opportunity that was offered to you. You have provided security for you and your children.The system might not be right but your council house is going to make little or no difference to the chronic lack of housing in this country especially as you may well have stayed in that property for the next 30 years anyway.

SurlyValentine · 09/12/2016 11:50

Sorry, Pay to Stay is now discretionary, so my guess is that LAs and housing associations will have to balance how much it will cost them to administer it, against what revenue increases they can legitimately expect.

SillySongsWithLarry · 09/12/2016 11:50

Don't feel guilty for putting your family first. I am in the process of having my home adapted to add an extra bedroom, paid for by the council under a grant as my daughter is disabled and it will help meet her needs. It will add circa £80k to the value of my home. It's all academic as I don't plan on moving and I'm sure you are the same. I don't feel guilty or like I owe the world the money. You do what you have to do for your family.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 09/12/2016 11:50

generally when those on the left go against their principles...the cry is...It's not me, it's the system

Quite Sad

I can't wait to see what happens when the next BTL landlord says quite openly on MN that they're simply doing their best for their family's future ... I wonder if quite so many will rush to make soothing noises?

sparechange · 09/12/2016 11:51

I do my bit by voting elsewhere, because thats about the only power i have

It's not really though, is it. You've said in your own post that you're glad Right to Buy has been stopped, because you thought it was a bad thing with lots of negative consequences for families
Not so negative that you wouldn't add to the problem though. You had the power to do that, but you chose to do the opposite.

Not saying it's a terrible thing to have put your family first, but you have to acknowledge it makes you a horrific hypocrite who is now fudging your ability to help make the world a better place...

formerbabe · 09/12/2016 11:51

EmeliaHerveyHenryFitzroy

Used to know a couple who were fiercely against private education, until their special snowflakes were faced with a comprehensive state education. They soon moved them to private school. It's not them being hypocrites though..it's the system.

alotlikeChristmas16 · 09/12/2016 11:51

well I would, especially one with severe anxiety. BTL is something that needs to be tackled by the government by increasing stamp duty. hang on a minute....

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 09/12/2016 11:54

Yes, how dare i put my family first, how very shit of me!

It's not about putting your family first, of course people don't, but that you state that you are glad that others have had the opportunity afforded you, taken off them.

ALemonyPea · 09/12/2016 11:55

WhatsgoingonEh, you can become a council house tennant regardless of how much you earn. Victoria Beckham could apply for a house if she wanted. The only criteria, for most councils, is that you don't already own a home.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 09/12/2016 11:55

*of course people do

FilledSoda · 09/12/2016 11:56

can you not just acknowledge your good fortune with quiet grace and dignity?

EmeliaHerveyHenryFitzroy · 09/12/2016 11:56

Meh, mine are privately educated, that doesn't mean that I don't want a better quality of state education for my country and more investment in state education.

JellyBelli · 09/12/2016 11:57

As other pp have said, there is only one problem with right to buy; Thatcher banned the councils from using the money to create new housing stock and that has never been reversed.
You are suffering from dissonance. Your behaviour went against your beliefs. But as your rent would have been more than your mortgage, what would have been the alternative?
Did you really want to get back into the rat race that is renting in the BTL age? how much food would that have done your anxiety?

This govt hate anything socialist and would sell you out in a heartbeat. You aren't living under Labour any more, and things are going to get a lot worse. Dont sweat it.

indigox · 09/12/2016 11:57

If you have a well paid DH you didn't need to be renting the council house for 8 years in the first place? So even then you were taking it away from someone who needed it.

PinkCrystal · 09/12/2016 11:59

I don't understand why you would feel bad because for putting your family first?

Lots of people have 'luck'

People who bought before prices tripled
People who are left money
People born in rich families
People who are paid silly money for easy jobs
People getting highly paid jobs through contacts not skill etc

Do all these people feel guilty?

No. But there is something about people on benefits or council houses getting things that grates people. Whether that be having more than 2 kids, I phones or becoming home owners.

Would people prefer only letting people who don't work have secure housing? Or give an incentive to improve yourself and work hard?

The problem is that housing costs are stupidly high compared to earnings. If everyone could afford a secure home then people wouldn't resent those with less. This dog eat dog race to the botom seems so prevelent now.

formerbabe · 09/12/2016 11:59

Meh, mine are privately educated, that doesn't mean that I don't want a better quality of state education for my country and more investment in state education

Who wouldn't want better state education regardless of where their own dc are educated? I can understand that point of view.

Are you actually against the private system though? That's where I have issues and believe it becomes gross hypocrisy.

MissStein · 09/12/2016 11:59

well you can think what you want, i dont feel hypocritical, or any guilt that the housing stock is decimated because i participated in it. That fault lies solely with the government. Selling the houses in itself wasnt a bad idea, but not replacing the stock most definitely was. Who's fault is it that housing stock wasnt replenished. Certainly wasnt mine.

Soubriquet · 09/12/2016 12:02

It might not be your fault that housing stock was never replenished MissStein but it's certainly a fault on your part that the housing stock has been depleted

SurlyValentine · 09/12/2016 12:03

I can't get annoyed with the OP for buying her council house. For me, it falls into the category of "don't hate the player, hate the game".

I am currently living in privately rented, hoping to buy in the next couple of years if finances allow. If my circumstances changed dramatically and I needed social housing, my guess is I would be farmed out to another authority as need for social housing in this area is just too great.

What I can get annoyed with the OP for, mental health issues taken into account, is the faux guilt and hand-wringing about having put herself and her family first. If that's who you are, that's who you are and you need to own it.