Worried about children's reactions to Christmas presents

[Lionking1981]

I know I am being silly but I feel terrible. My kids 8 and 6 very much believe in santa but I have not had a great year financially. Their Christmas lists were huge and included everything from the adverts. I come from a working class culture that you do without in November and December to give the children everything you can't afford all year round. It sounds stupid but I believed in santa until I was 11 because I just knew my family couldn't afford the stuff we had at Christmas. I didn't know that we were eating healthy meals while my parents were living on beans on toast.

Dh is from a middle class family and thinks we are completely mad. This year the kids are older and asking for more expensive stuff.

8 year old has a kindle, a furby connect, a playmobil set and 2 books. 6 year old has a 2ds, furby connect, a little lego set, a game and 2 books. I'm worried they are going to be very disappointed on Christmas Day and even my mum said it didn't look a lot all wrapped up but we only have 250 pounds left until next payday. We have got some lovely plans over Christmas seeing family, going on a santa day out and the panto and I'm hoping this will mean more to them than the commercialism. But they are used to having a big pile of presents and this will not look as much. I will be gutted if they are sad when they compare their cousins gifts. Dh thinks I am being ridiculous and I probably am.

Ah op
I think you are getting a hard time here.
I don't think the gifts are either too little or too much - sound lovely and I'm sure they will be thrilled.
I was bought up poor too with parents who really tried to "make up for it" at Xmas.
Most of my Xmas memories are memories are to do with visiting family, putting up the decorations and just being at home and relaxing with board games.
Mine are older now and ds1 (13) hasnt asked for anything!
Ds2 (8) wrote a list last week - luckily a lot of what I've got him was in it - but not all!
Blu tac and furry snake anyone!? 😀
If you really want to buy them a few more bits then £20 can go a long way! - really no need to spend more than that.
Lush bath bomb each?
Some new stationary from Wilkos? (my neice is your eldests age and is obsessed!)
New pants and socks from primark? (Or is this a boy thing?😀)
I've see some lovely lip balm sets in the shops this year.
Anyway, I'm sure your DC will enjoy their gifts.
Happy Xmas 🎄🎁

In out house santa only gives 1 or 2 gifts and the rest are from mum and dad.
Ds1 looked through a catalogue saying everything he liked and then narrowed it down to a few that were his favourites

Oh, yes, my DC were thrilled with a pack of the individual Kellogs cereal boxes in their stockings.

Because I would never buy those cereals, (cost, and sugary crap) and for the novelty of so much choice and their own little box.

Bringing your children up on gruel and misery throughout the year makes Christmas SO much easier

I think some work over the next few weeks about how Santa wont bring everything but will choose some nice toys he has in stock will work well.
We were lucky in having a wise sister in law who told us santa only bought stocking gifts. This stood us in good stead over the years.
I also made sure that the stocking had something in it that i had said loudly several times i would buy ( eg sweets or tictacs or any random thing like plastacine). When they gleefully unwrapped it i would do the mum look and mutter under my breath and then say they could have it but id be writing to santa 😂

Would not buy! Makes more sense

I too think that your kids are getting a lot. We don't spend that much. We bulk out with things we would have to buy anyway. We've been surprised how much they love getting a toothbrush and toothpaste from Santa. Normally they share a tube of toothpaste, but Santa brings them one each! As someone else said, those boxed cake mixes from the supermarket. It's an extra present, they enjoy making the cake and we all enjoy eating it. I wouldn't buy tat just for the sake of it, but some cheap presents are really successful. hi

You've spent more than me.

That said, mine get substantial presents from other family members also.

Children would of course be delighted to hear that all the money has gone on presents so none left for food, heating can't go on and probably need to move house soon....

If you have spent too much, return it. If they act like spoilt brats ( making allowance for over excitement which is your fault) return gifts.

Priorities? And why are they watching ads?

mince cake mixture is genius, I'd never thought of that

I always wrap up a cereal variety pack for my kids - bulks things out a bit!! They love being able to eat the crap cereal at Christmas that I never usually buy!!!
They also get shampoo / bubble bath etc (home bargains / wilkos / poundshop nothing expensive).

I am from a similar background OP and I completely understand the impulse to make a massive pile.
Sadly, I think your DH is right here. Certainly; It would be wrong to spend the money if he is opposed to it.
Maybe the compromise position would be to take say £20 or £30 to the pound shop or supermarket and get some stuff to bulk it out.
I love the pp suggestion of character cake mix: I think I might nick that idea for my kids!
Also: don't forget they will be given stuff from other relatives. I hope your mum is getting them something nice after her disparaging remarks!

What a lovely bunch of gifts you're giving OP.

Family time is more important than money. You and your DH have your values in the right place

IMO Christmas has become really crazy. Material goods do not equal happiness and there are so many much more important things: love, time, attention, reading together etc.

We're also financially strapped. DDs big gifts will be coming from GPs. In fact, I'm making hers!!!! Following a Pinterest tutorial as I know what she would really enjoy but no toy quite does it! I'm not crafty by any means but this is more DIY

I agree that children who write a big list and expect to get everything on it, have had this attitude fed by their parents. Parents who create a big build up to Christmas that has a heavy focus on Father Christmas and coming up with everything you could ever dream of, and making the opening of presents the highlight of the day, set themesleves up for disappointed children, or those whose expectations just grow and grow until they can't be met and satisfied.

OP def think about your Christmas Day itself and what will be going on, so the present opening doesn't consume the whole of it. Have other stuff too such as a walk, or going to Church, or sitting down together for a film, or a family game.....build the Christmas memories. Open the presents, be pleased, but don't make the day all about that. And in the run up to Christmas, keep focused on all the other lovely aspects of Christmas too.....no need to apologise about the presents to them and definitely don't promise there will be more next year, but focus on having a good time and building memories.

Definitely don't apologise to the kids. They have lovely gifts coming to them. There is nothing to feel bad about and apologise for and if you do it, you will fuel and feed disappointment for now and future years too. Instead of feeling you've somehow failed, see your ability to manage your budget as something to be proud of and something that that will teach your kids valuable skills....all within having a fab Christmas, plus still great presents. (And far more than mine will be getting!)

I've always wrapped pants and socks for mine, which would have been bought anyway, and pad out a stocking nicely. Felt tip pens and pencils always go down well, and need not be expensive.

Those presents sound great. No need to buy another thing.

It's lovely to spoil children but I think they also need to know about how advertising works- of course they want everything they see on the ads, that's the point of ads, but most of it is a load of tat.

You can still manage their expectations by making clear to them now that their lists were suggestions, that they might get something from the list but certainly not everything (otherwise there's no surprise).

Hope you have a lovely Christmas. Really, don't worry about them being disappointed- the presents are great and they will be thrilled, I'm sure.

Go to Poundland, charity shops, & find cheap basic games - board games, puzzles, etc & wrap & put under tree.

But that is crazy - buying "stuff" for the sake of having "stuff" under your tree! OP's kids are getting what they asked for and will be delighted with their new kindles and playmobil sets. It's the OP who has this notion that Christmas has to mean piles and piles of presents. It really doesn't have to be like that and there is no point in buying tat for the sake of it.

It sounds like your family upbringing is influencing how you think -because it does with me too.

We grew up with not much money so Xmas was about trying to save as much as possible and give as much as possible.

It's really hard to shake off the mentality and worry that the dcs will somehow be disappointed that they didn't get everything that they wanted.

I am guilty of giving the dcs way too much although we can afford it.

This year I'm forcing myself to cut back. They already know that they would never get everything they asked for so I'm not worried about that so much. I just like them to have a big "wow" gift.

That is a lovely selection of presents!

I had the same sorts of xmas as you OP but as an adult I lean more towards your DH's approach. A few things they really really want and that are good quality and lasting rather than a massive pile of cheaper gifts.

IF you can afford it and would like their pile to look bigger then go to poundland and budget £10 each for them in there. A couple of books each, a selection box, a toy, an art thing, a dvd, socks, bubble bath set, tin of biccies, and a sweety gift.

But honestly I think what you've got them sounds fab, and you shouldn't leave yourselves short financially.

Stop worrying. Kids are excited at the idea of Christmas rather than having everything on their list. It's the fun of opening them, of eating chocolate in bed, of traditions they love not how much you have spent.
It is better to be thrifty now than in debt later.
It is better to give without worrying you have overspent.
I used to buy presents that were essentials for stockings - underwear, tights and socks, books. They were never disappointed.

I bet they will be more than happy :)

In our stockings we top up with other things that would be purchased anyway - socks, pants, toothbrush, toothpaste, sponge etc - not luxury stuff but every day essentials. Funnily enough they think it's hilarious to get "boring" bits too. In fact DD specifically requested socks from Santa.

Too much "fun" stuff in our house just makes them unwrapping loonies. They've got a great haul there :)

They are getting more than my DCs.

Time for them to appreciate what PP said - warm home, loving family etc

We say that Santa brings one present from the list. So they get one present plus stocking (usually novelty bubble bath, cheap DVD, chocolate money, annual, and one thing they really love is a jam jar or similar filled with sweets and tied up with ribbon round the lid. (I get jelly sweets, foam bananas, etc, that kind of pick & mix sweet). I don't know why, but this is way more exciting than a packet of ordinary sweets?!

Then we use the money over to buy a few presents from us. Such as a Lego set, Playmobile set, etc and maybe some novelty pyjamas. A big packet of printer paper and a packet of new felt-tips always goes down well. Printer paper only £3.50 and there's load in it, so if they like drawing it's a winner.

They are usually so chuffed with the one present on their list Santa brought, plus the stocking (sweets really!).

Even if you bought them a massive pile of presents, at some point the high will end once all the paper is off.

I think your presents sound lovely!

Oh and when I was a child, the best presents were the pretty stationery ones. They weren't expensive at all, but I loved getting a pretty notebook, tin, pens etc. Once I got a tiny doll for sewing that had scissors attached and sewing bits and bobs kept in its skirt, it was absolutely beautiful and I loved it, but it wasn't expensive. (It was handmade I think, wooden head, painted face, wool hair and a Liberty fabric dress that had press-studs down the side creating the bag for the sewing bits.)

I don't think it's about volume or expense, it's picking presents wisely, thinking about what your DCs really love.

I think that sounds like the perfect amount of presents

Yes, I grew up with the WC do without attitude also and have a DH who is totally baffled by my present counting. :o

It's no use telling OP it's silly, that's not going to change how she feels.

But honestly, your list sounds perfect! They will go mad when they see the kindle/2ds and Furbys. Those are big presents.