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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I didn't buy my sister the same as my brother.

82 replies

Confuseddragonfish · 08/12/2016 22:46

The background to this is that for years I have taken my siblings Christmas shopping every year since I was 13. We go one Thursday night when the late night shopping is on in our town.

So I planned to take them today. My DSis is 17 now and when I asked her she said she didn't want to come with us. However my DB (8) still wanted to go so I took him. I told my Dsis if she changed her mind she could come and meet us but she didn't.

So because my Dsis didn't come we had some extra time before our dinner and the bus home and my DB wanted to go to the park . However on the way there we spotted a Christmas market in a church so we went to have a look round.

I bought my DB a cake and one to take home for my sister. There was also a raffle and one of the prizes was a stuffed bear with slightly wonky eyes. DB took a shine to the bear and asked if he could try to win him. I explained that he probably wouldn't win but he wanted a go so I payed for 3 tickets for him.

He didn't win the bear but DB was really good about it and he asked the lady running the stall to make sure the bear went to a nice home.
On our way out of the church the lady on the stall stopped us and offered DB the bear. She told him he had been such a good boy that the bear wanted to go home with him.

So I dropped him off at home with the bear and later on my Dsis text me saying she thought I was being really unfair and I have really upset her because I should have bought her more than a cake as DB had a bear and a cake. Also if I had told her we were going to a christmas market she would have come and I should have mentioned it. I explained to her what happened and she told me I was still being unfair and DB is my favourite.

My dad then text me saying he didn't understand why I hadn't got something else for Dsis. So I again explained what happened. But he said I was unreasonable as I should treat them both equally. I haven't replied yet.

I am admittedly a bit annoyed as my Dsis is 17 and my DB is 8 so I don't necessarily think they should be treated equally anyway. Also I offered to take my Dsis and its not my fault she decided not to go.

However I suppose they are both my siblings and maybe I should have thought about getting my Dsis something else as well.

OP posts:
PickAChew · 08/12/2016 22:49

You need to perfect that REALLY? look, as she's just having a strop. Your perfect verbal response would be "I'd explain everything you really had to be there."

TheHandmaidsTale · 08/12/2016 22:50

She's 17. She needs to grow up a bit now! You didn't buy him the bear so you don't need to buy her anything. A bit grabby of her!

DailyFail1 · 08/12/2016 22:50

17 is not too old to be told to grow up. She's seriously comparing herself to an 8 year old? Your dad shouldn't be enabling this reallyz

Aliveinwanderland · 08/12/2016 22:50

Your Dsis is incredible entitled and your Dad is completely unreasonable!

You didn't even buy the bear it was given to DB!

Ignore them both!

RaspberryOverloadTheFirst · 08/12/2016 22:53

You did get both of them the same. It's not the fault of you or your DB that the lady gave him the bear, and in fact that was something between the two of them, nothing to do with either you or your sister.

Your Dad can wind his neck in too.

mynachos · 08/12/2016 22:58

your sis sounds like a spoilt princess. and wot the douche is your dad getting involved for?????? i think its lovely you would even bother taking them at all!

ChasedByBees · 08/12/2016 22:58

He was given the bear. He is 8. Your sister needs to get a grip.

CinderellaRockefeller · 08/12/2016 22:59

Hand her over three raffle ticket stubs next time you see her and tell her now she's got exactly the same :)

Tamberlane · 08/12/2016 23:00

I wouldnt have got the sister anything on that scenario!she chose not to come and spend family time with you.It was nice of you to bring her home a cake.

Your sister sounds a bit spolit tbh.She is 17 not 7 and needs to grow up. of course shes not going to get the same as the 8 year old who was with you.
Im suprised your dad is getting involved though.
YANBU!

LindyHemming · 08/12/2016 23:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MinnowAndTheBear · 08/12/2016 23:00

You sound like a lovely sister. I bet your brother had a great time.

PunkAssMoFo · 08/12/2016 23:01

Yanbu.
Buy her a teddy bear. It's obviously not what she's after, but as she's behaving like a child, call her out on it. At least they can't claim you're being unfair.
Failing that, tell her to grow up and stop behaving like a spoilt brat.

QueenofLouisiana · 08/12/2016 23:03

You did lovely things for both siblings, it sounds as though your DB had a great day. How nice that his manners and politeness were noticed and rewarded. I think your sister and dad need to learn from him!

You have done nothing wrong, they are both massively unreasonable and need to get a grip.

Original poster
Confuseddragonfish · 08/12/2016 23:11

Thank you for responding, I think the argument is that I didn't buy the bear but I did buy some raffle tickets to start with.

OP posts:
mogloveseggs · 08/12/2016 23:17

Yanbu. As I tell dd when she's at her dad's "life doesn't stop here just because you're there"

RB68 · 08/12/2016 23:18

And if she had been there she would have got some, she chose not to come so its tough - it was a spur of the moment decision to call in as you didn't know it was on. She is not entitled to anything from you, especially not with that attitude

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 08/12/2016 23:19

I would not have let any of my dses behave like this at 7 years old, let alone 17!!

You need to tell her clearly that it was her choice not to go on the shopping trip, and she does NOT get to throw a tantrum because she doesn't like the consequences of that choice. And tell your dad to butt out and stop encouraging her to be a spoilt princess.

SausageSoda · 08/12/2016 23:20

Your sister and your dad both need to get a grip. Why is your dad encouraging such spoilt self-entitled behaviour?

scottishdiem · 08/12/2016 23:21

You are fine and have done nothing wrong. DSis and DDad are well in the wrong here. You could offer to take the DSis and buy three tickets and see if she can charm a bear out of someone.

edwinbear · 08/12/2016 23:23

How much were the raffle tickets? £3? Give her £3 to prove the point.

llangennith · 08/12/2016 23:23

You're a brilliant sister to them both. Maybe your dad should up his game and grow a pair.

user1477282676 · 08/12/2016 23:23

God. That's so pathetic! I bough raffle tickets for each of my DC aged 11 and 7 at the time and the 11 year old won a prize but the 7 year old didn't...the 7 year old took it on the chin! You can't win em all!

She wasn't even there! Your Dad needs telling too!

WouldHave · 08/12/2016 23:23

It's irrelevant that you bought the raffle tickets as they are not the reason your brother has the bear.

Try pointing out to your sister that she's had 9 years' more of presents from you than your brother has

LHReturns · 08/12/2016 23:23

You are a lovely big sister.

I would have thought this is a two way street - your siblings get lovely treats from you as part of a special annual evening out with their big sister. It sounds like it is the sibling experience that really counts here. Your little brother made the effort so he got the treats - as he should!

If your sister thinks there is no role for her to play in this family tradition (but she still wants the results!), then she doesn't even deserve the cake.

You did a lovely thing, and surely your father has missed something here.

Cantgetmyoldnameback · 08/12/2016 23:25

Just tell your sister that you did buy her a raffle ticket but she didn't win anything!